3:58 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
And that's it for today!
The REAL reason I hate to budget
10:39 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
Back to the gym this morning! My three week personal training, nutrition counseling, free membership is expiring on Monday. So sad :( She finally showed me some stuff that I can do at home, but I just love the yoga and pilates classes so much, I might have to join. Back to the budget to eek out the fees! The most obvious cut back (cigarettes, yes Virginia, Kate still smokes) doesn't want to be acknowledged. And then there's the Truth (with a capital T) that quitting smoking has so many more advantages than paying a gym membership. And if I am seriously honest with myself, um - yeah, if I'm going to the gym and working out, why on earth would I want to continue to smoke?! Just one more part of my past life I need to change. Blech. Change. Yuck.
I deemed today to be a "make up free" day. My skin decided to go south for the winter and left me with this wreck of a mess - blotchy, dry and broken out. My girlfriend said yesterday when I was bemoaning a new eruption - "Well, look at it this way. Zits make you look younger." And on THAT comment.... the reason that I chose today is that we are not seeing patients in the office today, the surgeon is gone, my co-worker doesn't care and we are between office managers. The mailman is married and the FedEx gal - well. She's pretty, but that's okay. I'm happily typing away when the hot computer guy shows up with an executive from US Bank to teach us how to use the new credit card zappers, the surgeon's accountant (impeccable at all times) decides to come in and start his taxes, my old office manager stops by to chat and the unmarried, really nice looking mailman is the one we got today. Is there no justice? I mean, really. And then, the big story is that no one looked at me any differently. So. I'm stuck with the two dichotomous choices. My inner beauty is enough and I don't need make-up? -OR- Using makeup doesn't do any good, so why bother? Ack. I could go either way today. Why, oh why can't I live in the grey?
I deemed today to be a "make up free" day. My skin decided to go south for the winter and left me with this wreck of a mess - blotchy, dry and broken out. My girlfriend said yesterday when I was bemoaning a new eruption - "Well, look at it this way. Zits make you look younger." And on THAT comment.... the reason that I chose today is that we are not seeing patients in the office today, the surgeon is gone, my co-worker doesn't care and we are between office managers. The mailman is married and the FedEx gal - well. She's pretty, but that's okay. I'm happily typing away when the hot computer guy shows up with an executive from US Bank to teach us how to use the new credit card zappers, the surgeon's accountant (impeccable at all times) decides to come in and start his taxes, my old office manager stops by to chat and the unmarried, really nice looking mailman is the one we got today. Is there no justice? I mean, really. And then, the big story is that no one looked at me any differently. So. I'm stuck with the two dichotomous choices. My inner beauty is enough and I don't need make-up? -OR- Using makeup doesn't do any good, so why bother? Ack. I could go either way today. Why, oh why can't I live in the grey?
Camping in January
4:32 PM Edit This 2 Comments »
I've been fantasizing about camping all day. The temperature dropped over 60 degrees in less than 12 hours overnight last night. I picture the fire and the warm summer breezes as I'm walking to my frozen truck after work.... I put sticky notes all over our calendars at work to remind us when each weekends' reservation opens up, and I've been cruising the internet for a new tent. Oh, January.
Finally
1:45 PM Edit This 4 Comments »
December 28, 2007 marked the one year anniversary of my sobriety. It was strangely mixed up with Christmas, the anniversary of Jason's death, New Year's Eve and my birthday. If I ever get married, it will definitely be in June. There are way too many holidays and anniversaries at the end and beginning of the year.
Celebrating my recovery birthday was bittersweet. So excited to finally be among the living again, and yet so sad about all that transpired those past few years before I got sober. I've been told by many people in recovery that birthdays are like that - the excitement for the future and the still lingering loss from the past.
I have a sense of finally starting my life over. I tried, several times - moving with Jason to NC, then back to the Midwest before he died, but this time it really does feel different. There's no "plan" set in stone, there's no expectation that I'm going to have or be something or somebody that I don't have or am now. There's just a sense of moving on. Finally.
I always wondered how I would react when someone I loved deeply would pass away. Drinking myself into oblivion did not really seem like one of the options, but apparently was what I had to do. This past year sober, has allowed me to face the feelings - the confusion, the denial, the anger, the acceptance of death. It's not that those emotions never come anymore, but when they do, it's not as deep and it doesn't last as long.
I even considered accepting an invitation on a date last week. *gasp!* But I didn't. Oh well. At least the thought is now out there. I guess I just never thought about when I might be ready to "look" again. I've been enjoying the thought that it might be now....
So, here's to a new life in South Dakota! I love living in Sioux Falls and I have a job that I love, a host of friends, and a chance to be happy again. Thank God!
Celebrating my recovery birthday was bittersweet. So excited to finally be among the living again, and yet so sad about all that transpired those past few years before I got sober. I've been told by many people in recovery that birthdays are like that - the excitement for the future and the still lingering loss from the past.
I have a sense of finally starting my life over. I tried, several times - moving with Jason to NC, then back to the Midwest before he died, but this time it really does feel different. There's no "plan" set in stone, there's no expectation that I'm going to have or be something or somebody that I don't have or am now. There's just a sense of moving on. Finally.
I always wondered how I would react when someone I loved deeply would pass away. Drinking myself into oblivion did not really seem like one of the options, but apparently was what I had to do. This past year sober, has allowed me to face the feelings - the confusion, the denial, the anger, the acceptance of death. It's not that those emotions never come anymore, but when they do, it's not as deep and it doesn't last as long.
I even considered accepting an invitation on a date last week. *gasp!* But I didn't. Oh well. At least the thought is now out there. I guess I just never thought about when I might be ready to "look" again. I've been enjoying the thought that it might be now....
So, here's to a new life in South Dakota! I love living in Sioux Falls and I have a job that I love, a host of friends, and a chance to be happy again. Thank God!
