Prone to Dancing in Grocery Stores, Belching Contests and See-food.

7:27 PM Edit This 19 Comments »
Single, never been married woman in her mid 40s, seeking single (I'm serious here. If you're still married, go home and take care of your wife and kids. Or leave them. One or the other.) man in his mid to late 40s or 50s. If you're 58 or older, I'm sorry you feel the need to contact me. I've got 20 more years to live before I want a retirement lifestyle. Unless you are incredibly creative, talented, wealthy and amazing in bed. Then we can talk. But don't flatter yourself. I'd make a kick ass mom, so if you're done with all that child-rearing stuff, don't bother. I've still got time. And I'm going to use it.

I am passionate to the core. If I'm going to do something, I'm going at it full tilt. I frighten people with my intensity at times. This is not the job for some namby pamby boring dude who wants his shirts ironed. I've got goals. And I will pursue them. Your shirts may or may not get ironed in the process. In fact, I hate ironing and would prefer that you do my laundry for me.

Inky gel pens, markers or a sharp pencil.
Digging in my garden.
Challenging, emotional conversations.
Cooking.
Camping.
Writing.
Sitting on my backyard swing, reading.
Playing with my nephews.
The South Dakota Public Health Bulletin.
Researching scurvy, the black plague and rabies.
These are things that make me happy.
I work with alcoholics, addicts and criminals for 40 hours a week. My bullshit-o-meter runs on overdrive. I will know you are about to be dishonest or self seeking before it even happens. Don't try it. You only get one chance with me. You screw up? You're done. I've been single long enough to know that second chances don't pan out.

Tending toward depravity, I will not accept uninspired intimacy. If you need Viagra, this probably isn't going to work.

If it comes between an exotic vacation or spending time with my nephews. My nephews wins.

I don't drink or do drugs. I don't care if you drink, but if you enjoy getting drunk, don't bother with me. I will stick around for the fun, but when you get stupid, I'm out of there. And drugs are illegal. I may work with criminals, but I won't date one.

I am inappropriate, emotional and apparently clinically insane. I am impulsive and dangerous at times. I am also quite innocent and sweet. It's a pot shot who you are going to get on any given day. I like stability and comfort. I want a partner who tempers me. Someone who inspires me. To craziness, to intelligence, to want more for me than I want for myself. In return, I promise to be your muse. Your passion. The person you want to call before you go to bed at night. The one you yearn for when you're facing something hard. I will be solid. Steadfast. And stand by your side. I am loyal to a fault. My commitment is at some times a danger to my health and well-being, but I will stick it out.

I am seething with love. And sometimes I give it to the wrong person. But this time, I'm looking to SHARE it with the right one. You know what I'm talking about. And if you don't, just press delete. I am worth more than that.

19 comments:

Jeff D'Antonio said...

I'm not applying for the job or anything, but I just want to say that if everyone was that honest and up front in their relationships (and personal ads), there would be a lot more happy couples in this world.

There should be a law that everyone must disclose all of the above information within the first 5 minutes on the first date.

Jen said...

I like it! Straight to the point and very honest. He'll show up, you'll see, he will.

melissalion said...

YOU MADE THE LIST!

The Good Cook said...

This is probably the very best personal ad I have ever read! I think I want to date you (just kidding)..

Did you really post this? I'm telling you if you did, this man will show up.

Wow. What brought this on?

BrianAlt said...

Yeah, I'm done with babies.

Sorry.

Literally done. Closed for business.

Oh, and I'm married.

Jennifer said...

I love the complexity within a woman...wildness, and sweetness all at the EXACT same time! :)

justme said...

that was awesome. did you post this somewhere? because if not...you should

saratogajean said...

Don't you wish you could just point potentials to your blog?

Like, "here, this is me. Best and worst."

carrster said...

Nicely written, Kate. I think you're pretty awesome.

The Pollinatrix said...

This is AWESOME!!! Will you marry me?

This reminds me of the personals on FreeWill Astrology: http://freewillastrology.com/personals/stealads.html

artemisia said...

THIS IS GOOD.

Cello Mama said...

Please, please, please tell me you actually posted this somewhere??

If not, you should. You may get some freaks responding, but likely some winners, too.

justsomethoughts... said...

wow.

if this were a boxing match, it would be a knockout.

well said.
well said, indeed.

clearness said...

I so completely wish that you lived nearby so that I could set you up with my brother..........

The Good Cook said...

Wait a minute, in regards to clearness comment - long distance relationships CAN work... I married mine.. how far is too far? Kate's a great cook, will he travel for food? Oh, my listen to me, I sound like a Jewish grandmother - matching making.

clearness said...

I worry about him traveling.....He's such a homebody........But he does travel to go to hockey games, baseball games, and wrestling things....and I agree about her food. I love the food she's posted. I just want her to date him so she'll bring a dish to mom's Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners.

clearness said...

...and I live in Missouri

stoogepie said...

Clinically insane is a definite plus.

I'm really not into the whole child-rearing thing. Then again, since tomorrow is Mother's Day, if we could pop one out by then my mom would be really happy.

Kelly Hogaboom said...

This is really great. Like others, I am wondering if you posted it somewheres.