Finally

1:45 PM Edit This 4 Comments »
December 28, 2007 marked the one year anniversary of my sobriety. It was strangely mixed up with Christmas, the anniversary of Jason's death, New Year's Eve and my birthday. If I ever get married, it will definitely be in June. There are way too many holidays and anniversaries at the end and beginning of the year.

Celebrating my recovery birthday was bittersweet. So excited to finally be among the living again, and yet so sad about all that transpired those past few years before I got sober. I've been told by many people in recovery that birthdays are like that - the excitement for the future and the still lingering loss from the past.

I have a sense of finally starting my life over. I tried, several times - moving with Jason to NC, then back to the Midwest before he died, but this time it really does feel different. There's no "plan" set in stone, there's no expectation that I'm going to have or be something or somebody that I don't have or am now. There's just a sense of moving on. Finally.

I always wondered how I would react when someone I loved deeply would pass away. Drinking myself into oblivion did not really seem like one of the options, but apparently was what I had to do. This past year sober, has allowed me to face the feelings - the confusion, the denial, the anger, the acceptance of death. It's not that those emotions never come anymore, but when they do, it's not as deep and it doesn't last as long.

I even considered accepting an invitation on a date last week. *gasp!* But I didn't. Oh well. At least the thought is now out there. I guess I just never thought about when I might be ready to "look" again. I've been enjoying the thought that it might be now....

So, here's to a new life in South Dakota! I love living in Sioux Falls and I have a job that I love, a host of friends, and a chance to be happy again. Thank God!

4 comments:

Meigan said...

Am I the first to post on your blog???

Guess we've been out of touch for awhile, and I guess there is a LOT I need to catch up on. But I'm glad to see you're blogging & healing from what sounds like a pretty rough time.

I'm looking forward to checking in often!

Holly said...

Hey stranger. Holly from way back in HS here to say welcome to the blogging world.

My thoughts are along the lines of Meigan's. I hope the path you are on continues to improve and look forward to hearing more about your journeys.

Cheers!

carrster said...

Yay! So glad things are looking up for you!!

Kate said...

Thanks guys! So fun to be back in touch!