Tornados In My Head
8:49 AM Edit This 11 Comments »
It was a wild night last night in Southeastern South Dakota. Rain, hail, tornados popping up everywhere... Pretty par for the course in Spring I suppose. Snow tonight. Hehehe. The weather drama never ends it appears.
Here's a question for you. Are there people in your life that you can't stand to run into, much less talk to that seem to appear in and out of your life with alarming frequency?
I've got one of those. And I'm wondering why. I think all activity in my life serves a purpose; what am I supposed to learn, what could I do for someone differently, how could this affect me later in life - those sorts of things. But this person? I thought I was done with her. I mean, really. I lived with her for a year, she tried to kill herself in our apartment, I found her, it was horrible. Very horrible. And now? She sent me an e-mail telling me she's going to come to meetings and didn't want me to be surprised by her presence.
First of all, I don't know why she sent me the e-mail. She's manipulative and very sick in the head. So, I worry about her still thinking of me as someone she would contact (or manipulate). Second of all, I have trouble ever seeing her as someone who will be well. Now, I know that is NOT the way we treat people in recovery, but I just can't see it. Then - I remember that's what people said about me, and I back off. But my God. I have no idea what I would do if I actually saw her. Run? Be pleasant? Be a bitch? I just can't see any of those options working. I would be more than happy never to see her again.
Does that make me a horrible person? I try to be open minded. I pray to be kind and loving to all. I'm frightened of her. I will admit that. She twists everything people say, she manipulates every situation and is completely dishonest with herself, much less other people. I'm afraid to have her back in my life - even on the periphery. Isn't that sick?
Here's a question for you. Are there people in your life that you can't stand to run into, much less talk to that seem to appear in and out of your life with alarming frequency?
I've got one of those. And I'm wondering why. I think all activity in my life serves a purpose; what am I supposed to learn, what could I do for someone differently, how could this affect me later in life - those sorts of things. But this person? I thought I was done with her. I mean, really. I lived with her for a year, she tried to kill herself in our apartment, I found her, it was horrible. Very horrible. And now? She sent me an e-mail telling me she's going to come to meetings and didn't want me to be surprised by her presence.
First of all, I don't know why she sent me the e-mail. She's manipulative and very sick in the head. So, I worry about her still thinking of me as someone she would contact (or manipulate). Second of all, I have trouble ever seeing her as someone who will be well. Now, I know that is NOT the way we treat people in recovery, but I just can't see it. Then - I remember that's what people said about me, and I back off. But my God. I have no idea what I would do if I actually saw her. Run? Be pleasant? Be a bitch? I just can't see any of those options working. I would be more than happy never to see her again.
Does that make me a horrible person? I try to be open minded. I pray to be kind and loving to all. I'm frightened of her. I will admit that. She twists everything people say, she manipulates every situation and is completely dishonest with herself, much less other people. I'm afraid to have her back in my life - even on the periphery. Isn't that sick?
11 comments:
I find that I'm more like the people I don't like in life rather than the people I do like. I don't understand it.
But as far as this chick. Steer clear as much as possible and limit contact. She's obviously not stable so why involve yourself.
~Jef
nope. part of knowing yourself is also knowing your limits. and protecting yourself when you understand the situation may be harmful.
i had someone in my life like this and while it was the hardest thing to do i had to let her go. she eventually overcame her issues and actually did get healthy and is now back in my life, but for some many years I cut her off. my mom helped me by explaining that she took me down with her and that her addictions did not need to become my addictions. as a daughter of an alcoholic who never sought treatment, my mom has some incredible insight into souls.
You know, it is enough of a struggle to find our own way through life without taking on the problems of other people, particularly those that continually use/abuse other people like this woman.
Being friendly only opens a door in your life, but being bitchy ends up being damaging to your soul. My best advice is to be cordial, but distant.
And here is some practical advice: Keep yourself occupied (and moving) by talking to other people, who just happen to be across the room. Wait until the last minute to sit down and then see someone you "need" to talk to who just only happens to have one open seat next to them. You might also introduce her to someone else at the meeting that you really don't like, then wander off to make more coffee.
Oh, and for what it is worth, I would submit that thinking that everything happens for a reason is a subtle trap. You can spend so much time trying to figure out what you are supposed to learn from a person or situation, that you end up spending way too much time and energy sticking with something you should be leaving behind.
I don't think it's sick at all- nor are you a "bad" person in any way.
Perhaps you could look at this as an exercise in setting boundaries. It's just as important to shield and protect ourselves from toxic people as it is to surround ourselves with healthy, loving influences. Steer clear of this girl- you don't need her crap nor should you be subjected to it.
I would be pleasant but perfunctory - don't give her an inch - you have to protect yourself...
My husband's sister. After years of the drama, I simply refuse to participate. I will not engage her in any way, visually, verbally or physically. You do not owe this person anything, not even acknowledgement. However, you do owe yourself protection. You could maybe explain to her that you don't wish to speak with her anymore if it would make you not feel guilty.
like everyone else has said, you need to protect yourself and be true to you and your own feelings. If you feel better not being around her, then that is what you do. hopefully she does get the help she needs and gets better, but that still doesn't mean you need to be a part of her life - on any level.
She'll probably try and get to you somehow (I mean mentally)... so just be weary of it and act like she's an old aquaintance... not an old roommate.
I agree with everyone else's comments. Keep your distance...be polite but don't get involved. Be strong. Sometimes you have to cut people out of your life for good and refuse to be mistreated by them for your own sake.
It isn't sick at all. The people in our lives serve a purpose, but if that purpose is self-serving and manipulative, then it's best that person NOT be in your life. It's healthier for both of you.
How to tell her so... That's where I get tripped up. My fear of confrontation would have me finding a different AA meeting and changing my email :-(
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