Terminally Unique - Of Course

11:46 AM Edit This 8 Comments »
If you've been reading for a day or a month, I think it's pretty safe to assume that we all agree on my level of geekiness/dorkhood/special brand of silliness. Pretty high. And it follows me around - to work, to play and in intimate relationships. My co-worker sighs and says, "That's our Kate." when I suddenly break into the chicken dance on a quiet afternoon. My friends are all aware that the possibility of singing and dancing in public is very high and they've learned to accept it and not run away from me screaming. If you don't like these things, you can't be my friend. End of story.

So, when the South Dakota Public Health Bulletin showed up in the mail today, and I whooped and hollered and thanked the mail lady profusely, you understand why. Right?

To say that my job is not challenging me is the understatement of the century and after many afternoons of sitting around doing not a thing in the world, I decided to take this special, paid for, but not by much, time to learn some things. And lo and behold! The South Dakota Public Health Bulletin showed up that afternoon. Right in time for lunch.

I love this thing. It tells you how to prepare an animal for rabies testing (they will only accept whole heads or whole bodies, just so you know. If you shoot it, the head should be intact or they can't do anything with it. And if it's on the weekend, there's special procedures involving plastic bags and freezers and such.) It tells you how to prepare for disasters - ours are blizzards, the super flu, and nuclear holocaust. There's not much else going on over here. And my FAVORITE, it tells me how many of my co-state-inhabitors have got the clap. Yep. I've got all the facts and figures right here, my friends. Chlamydia is up by 13 percent this month and gonorrhea is down by 1. Syphillis? You don't want that one. It makes your nose fall off and then doctors like the one I work for? They take part of your forehead and twist it down and around to make you a new one. GROSS.

I like these facts and figures and most importantly, I'm IN those facts and figures. No! I do not and never did have the clapola. I had the meningitis; one of two people in South Dakota in the last five years. I have to keep my special status up, and no one will tell me who the other person was - something about HIPAA or some such crap. If someone else gets it, my stats go down. I will be less UNIQUE. And that my friends, would kill me.

8 comments:

Cathy said...

I want to be one less...I want to be one less...I want to be one less...one less...one less. Glad South Dakota is counting everything.

GreenCanary said...

As part of a normal gyn exam (for a sexually active - or once was *sigh* - woman) my doctor's office tests for certain STDs. The doctor had my old address on file and thus sent the bill there. Only problem? That was my PARENTS' house. I got a call from my father telling me that I had a bill from my doctor that he had accidently opened. When I picked it up? It very clearly said in BIG RED LETTERS: CHLAMYDIA. To this day I wonder if my father thinks I have it. NOTE: I do NOT have it, thankyouverymuch.

Nilsa S. said...

You are ADORABLY geeky. =)

Kristen said...

Wow. You're like a really, really special celebrity and stuff!

I hope nobody else gets the meningitis!

Shania said...

I'm glad your status isn't for the syphillis column, although that would probably be pretty unique too.

Marie said...

I'm going to have to go ahead and go with Shania and say that I too am glad your status isn't that of syphilis. Or the clap. Yikes!

t2ed said...

Chlamydia up by 13%. That means one of the 7 who live there have it now.

I will confess to really liking way too much the Police Briefs from really small towns.

modernartifact said...

i could use some of your singing/dancing over here right about now. SO. BORED.