B-I-N-G-O
8:49 AM Edit This 22 Comments »
Two years ago, I had just entered a treatment facility for my slight drinking problem. I had the shakes, I was having hourly panic attacks. My HAIR hurt for God's sake. How is that possible? Basically freaking the fuck out every waking moment, crying and begging please-give-me-my-klonopin-it's-prescribed-I'm-telling-you-it's-PRESCRIBED!
So they loaded the cattle inmates into the vans and I pouted. Oh my God I pouted. And even at the last minute, I begged to be taken back. Sobbing. But nothing doing. Tiny (You recall Tiny, right? He's anything but.) offered to pick me up by my pathetic ass and drag me in or I could go in by myself. Choices. Always choices.
My God. There had to have been 200 people in there. Drunks and their families, kids running all over the place. Food everywhere, coffee, cigarettes - sweet, sweet cigarettes. (You can't give up all your addictions at once. It's super not recommended.) And people were laughing. LAUGHING. They didn't look anything like me. They were having FUN. They weren't crying. Or sitting in the corner. And the craziness. The hilarity. The practical jokes. And the laughter - I must repeat. The laughter pulled me in. I sat. I played. Occasionally I cracked a shy smile. So nervous. I remember that. So afraid to even let myself have a good time. And by the time we left, I wasn't shaking anymore. And I thought, if these people can have fun playing fucking bingo on New Year's Eve, then maybe, just maybe, I might be able to make it.
THEN they announce that we're going to the club for Bingo. Fucking BINGO! On New Year's Eve. I hid in my room under the covers, basically refusing to even get dressed because no fucking way was I going to play goddamn BINGO and have any fun doing it. You-can't-make-me-you-told-me-I-could-leave-anytime-oh-you're-going-to-involuntarily-commit-me-then? NICE.
So they loaded the My God. There had to have been 200 people in there. Drunks and their families, kids running all over the place. Food everywhere, coffee, cigarettes - sweet, sweet cigarettes. (You can't give up all your addictions at once. It's super not recommended.) And people were laughing. LAUGHING. They didn't look anything like me. They were having FUN. They weren't crying. Or sitting in the corner. And the craziness. The hilarity. The practical jokes. And the laughter - I must repeat. The laughter pulled me in. I sat. I played. Occasionally I cracked a shy smile. So nervous. I remember that. So afraid to even let myself have a good time. And by the time we left, I wasn't shaking anymore. And I thought, if these people can have fun playing fucking bingo on New Year's Eve, then maybe, just maybe, I might be able to make it.
And guess what? I'm going to play bingo tonight. And I've been looking forward to it for a whole month! A WHOLE MONTH, people! Because if we can't laugh at our pathetic addictions, I think we'd crawl back into that hole that we came out of. Happy New Year!
22 comments:
Kate, you really amaze me. Seriously. I think we all know of AA and recovering alcoholics and all that. But do we really know? And here you are living that reality through your blog. And we get to hear about your struggles and your successes, past and present, each and every day. And Oh. My. God. You are A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!! Happy 2009, girl!
OMG Kate! That sounds like SO MUCH FUN! The only time I've played BINGO is when I would visit my Grandparents. Gramps would take me to the Bingo Parlour and I'd be surrounded by the blue-haired ladies and their troll dolls, the youngest one there by at least 30 years. But, because it was something I didn't normally get to do, it was FUN for me.
Happy New Year, Kate!
That sounds like it would be a blast!! Hope you have a great time sweetie!!
Happy New Year and I hope you have a marvelous birthday!!
Wishing you a VERY Happy New Year!
Damn straight! (Hmmm, is that a pun?)
Happy New Year, Happy Birthday!
There's nothing llike the chance of winning something without having to lose anything. Hope you win the best prize tonight!
Bingo is actually way, way more exciting than what I have planned for tonight so have an awesome time and party like it's 2009 for me!
Happy New Year!!!
Have a great time at Bingo tonight! I'm sure there will be someone there tonight who is just where you were two years ago. Be kind. Take their winning Bingo card when they're not looking.
I echo Nilsa! I'm a little jealous, too, though because I don't think I'll be having as much fun tonight as you will at bingo :)
Amazing. I usually end up having the most fun at things I'm not looking forward to. So glad you're going back this year!
I hope you have an awesome time!
Awesome story! You've come such a long way, Girl! I'm proud of you!
BTW BINGO... it'll suck you in every time!
A good friend of mine just celebrated three years sober. I am proud of her, proud of you, and know you have a wonderful year ahead.
Good for you! Go play and have a blast. Happy 2009 and may it be the best year yet!
Have a fun time at Bingo tonight! Although, it sounds like fun can't be avoided. I hope you win!
True. Some days I miss cigarettes.
Happy New Year!
That sounds like SUCH a blast. I think you are such a strong and amazing person, truly. Thank you for sharing this with us...
Now go win!!! Happy New Year, lady.
ahhhh.
bingo reminds me
of smoky halls
and my grandparents
and juicy fruit gum...
and real bingo chips
all shiny
and transculent...
no such thing as bingo dabbers then.
my mom's black blazer
and shoving trinkets
in her pockets at the last
minute for her to use as
"good luck charms"
wow.
i can't believe
how many strong memories
your post
provided for me...
heh.
too funny.
and happy new years to you!!
I just found your blog through Dingo (who I also just found recently) and can I say that I just love you?! Hmmm, that sounds stalkerish. I mean it in an admiring way not an I'm-going-to-start-wallpapering-my-home-with-pictures-of-you way.
Today I read your entire blog from beginning to end (actually from end to beginning - it's easier and there's more suspense that way) and I totally dig your honesty and style and courage. And you made me laugh during a VERY bad day so kudos for that.
I'm excited to find a cool new blog and I'll definitely be back!
I never thought that Bingo could be a turning point in someone's life. Grace can be found in the oddest places!
I am happy for your happiness, and inspired by your hopefulness. Long may all the good things in your life continue, and increase! All the best in 2009.
I won about $100 bucks betting on sports and playing hold'em New years Eve! Not hard to get hooked on anything, is it? Best wishes to you for 2009!
Great story, K8!
Happy New Year, babe, and happy birthday tomorrow - I won't be online so I'm wishing it to you today. Love ya, girl!
So, did you win?
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