Therapy Tuesday

9:10 AM Edit This 19 Comments »
One of the things we talk about in therapy is my intense fear of anger and conflict. That's why I've had so much trouble with the good doctor off and on. He can be mad at the world and just be blowing off steam - which has NOTHING to do with me, and I'll start bawling. If I'm even witness to someone calling another person out at the grocery store for cutting in line, I feel my face get hot and immediately I want to run. Two people arguing about something? I freeze.

And don't get me started on my response to someone being mad at ME! Instant tears. Uncontrollable sobbing. I just can't take it. And I can't talk when I'm crying, so there's no use fighting back. I asked Carolyn this morning how I'm supposed to go about changing that. And she really didn't have any answers for me yet.

Which frustrates me to no end.

19 comments:

Holly said...

wouldn't it be nice if we didn't cry so easily. it's too bad crying can be considered a sign of weakness. emotion is not weakness... know what I mean?

saratogajean said...

I blush so easily it is not even funny.

Even thinking about blushing is making me blush right now.

BrianAlt said...

It can be changed, you just need to work on it.

Kristen said...

You should never be around me and Ken. We're like the Costanza's from Seinfeld. Did I spell Costanza right?
We argue about everything. It's not serious but we bicker about tiny little things. It's been like that since our first date but somehow it works for us...we haven't killed each other yet.

LiLu said...

Hmm, I'm a blow-off-steamer myself, and I've definitely seen how it can affect those who are not (and think I'm mad at THEM instead of the situation). I'm trying to be better...

MsDarkstar said...

Any emotional situation and I cry. I hate it. Sad? Cry. Angry? Cry. Extremely happy? Cry.

I once asked a therapist what I could do to stop and she said "It can be stopped, but it would warp your personality in an unpleasant way and I advise against it".

It's getting a little better in recent years but it's wreaked quite a bit of havok on my professional life. And we won't go into how it's screwed up my personal life.

Lemmonex said...

Oh man...it is a process. I am not afraid of confrontation--wish I was sometimes--but I do sometimes get overly concerned as to whether certain people (men) like me.

Matt said...

hey where did my comment go?

Matt said...

Im fighting with your blog right now.

Dont cry though...we will make up.

GreenCanary said...

I hear you on this one. I can't stand the idea of anyone being mad at me. If I know that someone is unhappy with me, even if they're over it and all is well now, I want to turn tail and hide. In fact, my natural response is to retreat, gather myself unto myself once more, and try to extricate myself from the situation. Not a healthy way of living, let me tell 'ya.

Sparkling Red said...

Confrontations are scary. I went to a psychotherapy group for 3 years and learned how to do an effective confrontation within that group. It was one of the most useful skills I've ever learned (2nd only to touch-typing) but it was HARD learning! Now I do confrontations as part of my job as a manager. I still get nervous, but I cope.

melissalion said...

I have a temper. Oh boy do I ever. And I passed that right down to Archie. Very nice. I'm trying to just breathe and meditate more often. It's helping.

lacochran said...

I would think that first you'd have to figure out why you are having that reaction, before you can hope to change it. One way might be to slow the action down... the therapist confronts you mildly (say, one sentence) about something, you have a reaction and talk about what you're feeling... might give you some clues.

Laura said...

I learned how to deal with conflict, and not merely by avoiding it, when I realized that I would ruin my life even more than I had already if I didn't stand up for myself. Some things we learn when we need them, until then they are in waiting.

carrster said...

I am exactly like you Kate. I dont' know what to do about it either. It usually ends up with me being walked all over and then feeling bad. Hmph. But I feel bad if someone "doesn't like me" or is mad at me so I guess it shouldn't be so hard, right?
ay yi yi

Rachel said...

I am the exact same way. I get so much anxiety about confrontation that I literally tremble and go cold.

Luckily, it's getting better with age.

Dingo said...

I hate conflict as well. I always plan out what I'm going to say and how I'm going to say it but what usually happens is that I say and do nothing. Then I'm mad at myself.

buffalodick said...

I was taught- if you make a girl cry you win- but you'll be sorry you did...

kristi said...

I get mad a lot. I scream and sometimes I cry!