Bedtime

8:55 AM Edit This 18 Comments »
I've always had trouble getting to sleep at night. When I was a little girl, my mom would shout up the stairs for me to stop praying and go to sleep. (What parent tells their kid to stop praying? Ha!) I'd lay there and worry and worry and worry. Please don't let me get kidnapped. Please don't let there be a tornado. Please don't let daddy get in a car accident. Please don't let our house get struck by lightening (WTF? This one was very common.) Please don't let my dog die. Please don't, please don't, please dont. Yeah. Neurotic.

Nothing has changed, people. Nothing. Only I worry about different things now. So I've got this bedtime routine. I've stated before that my routines are pretty sacred. Don't mess with it or I will take you OUT. So last night, I pour my drink - cranberry juice cocktail with four ice cubes, turn on the stereo, put my feet up and fire up the laptop. The cats have been fed, the dishes have been washed and my bed is pulled down. I'm wearing yoga pants and a long sleeved tshirt with my wool slippers. It's the same every night. Then I surf the internet for awhile. I make any necessary phone calls before 9 and then by 10, I've brushed my teeth, washed my face and I'm crawling into bed with my book. It's a process for me to wind down.

A process that apparently no one understands. Because they CALL ME after 10 and EXPECT me to be coherent and pleasant. I'm NEVER coherent and pleasant after 10. And these are repeat offenders, people. Do they really think I'm going to be different this time? No.

So, for those of you night owls? I'm going to call you incessantly at 5 a.m. Until I wake you up. Because you're so stupid.

So there.

18 comments:

SoMi's Nilsa said...

I think you should just turn off the ringer to your phone after 10PM. It won't take long for them to get the message!

Kate said...

Yes. I should state the obvious. That no, I don't turn off the ringer for my phone. If there's someone out there that's about to fall off the wagon, I WILL wake up for them. They did it for me and I will do it for them. I don't bitch about those calls. Never.

Just A Girl said...

Oh I hate that. Everyone knows I work at 6:30am but some people don't seem to understand that that's freaking early and every once in awhile I get a drunk phone call or text from someone who "misses me" <--mostly one person. Blah. So annoying. But I don't turn my ringer on either, just in case there's an emergency or someone needs me.

Just A Girl said...

*Off. I don't turn it off. Duh. :)

buffalodick said...

Anyone that knows me never calls after 10PM unless there was a death involved.. because if you do, there WILL be a death involved!
Call me at 5Am, not 10PM...

justjp said...

Ha! That is like me being coherent for an 8 am meeting. WTF people, I worked the night shift for a reason.

BrianAlt said...

It sounds like you should have started therapy back then.

Lemmonex said...

Ha. I am always up...always. I never fall asleep before 1...which means I regularly get calls at midnight.

Holly said...

I am a night person but I prefer to be on my own to do my own thing. I feel interrupted if I get a late-night call even though I'm up. Odd. It's a new thing. Oh, solitude.

t2ed said...

Have these people never heard of the Cut Off?

Mine starts at 5 pm when I start screening my calls and ignore pretty much everyone. That's why we bought the answering machine after all.

Oxen Cox said...

I am jealous of your routine. It sounds delightful. I will just pretend to ring you after 10 or at all.

stoogepie said...

You go to bed by 10? Hahahaha!

Wait, you were serious? Oh. Well, then, I will stop calling.

Isn't going to bed at 9pm or 10pm a clinically recognized sleeping disorder? Why, yes. Yes it is. It is called Advanced Sleep Phase Syndrome (ASPS) and, according to Wikipedia, is also known as the Advanced Sleep-Phase Type (ASPT) or I Get Tired Too Damn Early (IGTTDE).

Those late night phone calls? Those are clinical intervention. They are like medicine.* You should be happy to get them.

*Talk to your doctor before taking late night phone calls. A small number of people taking late night phone calls experienced abnormal dreams, confusion, dizziness, drowsiness, hypersexuality, hallucinations, increased urination, insomnia, increased appetite, memory loss, nausea, vision abnormalities, and weakness.

LiLu said...

I think there's a way to set your phone so it won't ring between certain hours... but the whole point of a phone is for emergencies, and then you wouldn't get the call, right? Le sigh. I hear you on this- once I woken up (and I am a light sleeper), I am NOT going back to sleep. It's so frustrating!

Jamie said...

I just found your blog. I'm glad I did! First of all, I LOVE teh design.

Secondly, I'm just like you when it comes to sleeping. I have a terrible time with it.

Looking forward to reading!

Hillary said...

My sister and I had to sit our mom down for a Serious Talk about how inappropriate it is to phone people after 10pm. Most frustrating conversation ever.

Matt said...

I so feel you on this one.

I'm a zombie by 10pm.

melissalion said...

I was just thinking of hitting the hay. It was 7:59pm when I had that thought.

lacochran said...

Sounds like a reasonable response. :)

Oh, and cranberry juice? Not a good idea too close to bed.

Trust me.