Therapy Tuesday

7:51 AM Edit This 15 Comments »
I'm not going to put a link back for you to read about my journals and my therapist's insistence that we read every single sorry word out of them from my life with the dead guy. But here is the last one. She gave it back to me today. Because we're done. Finished. Kaput. It is the closing of another chapter in my life and if I ever go back to the kind of sick and twisted thinking that graced the pages of these pastel nightmares, I hope someone shoots me. Whatever compels a person to think so ill of oneself, I will not know. Because today? I think I'm pretty okay. I think I'm smart. I think I'm pretty. I think I'm attractive. I think I have a whole lot of love to give. I have something to offer the world and if you don't want to take me up on it? Well then, get lost. I think this is what they call self esteem. And I like it. I like it alot.
So, after celebrating with my therapist, I had coffee with one of my best friends, went to Tallgrass and spent the afternoon in the sun, walking and playing with the dog out there that happens to be their best staff member - he can read anyone like an open book. The staff watch how he interacts with the guests to get an idea of where they're at. No joke. Anyway. Lots of thrown sticks and balls later, I bought a brand new notebook. Isn't it pretty?
I cried a little bit in the evening. I mean, that's a big deal. Ending something that's been emotionally wrenching to me every single Tuesday morning. There's a loss in letting it go, even if it's the right and healthy thing to do. There's always loss and there's always something to look forward to. The Big Book of AA tells me that "The best years of your existence lie ahead" and I believe that today. So much, I do.

15 comments:

Just A Girl said...

I remember when I "finished" with my therapy. It was a very odd feeling, because it's so subjective to say that you're cured, at least to the point where you don't need to talk it out on a regular basis with a professional. Congratulations on getting to that point. And and even bigger one on the newfound self-esteem. :D

Sweetly Single said...

~doing the little happy dance~

OH GIRLIE! This is huge... I'm so happy for you!

JoLee said...

Good for you, my dear, good.for.you.

E said...

You are brave and strong and well.
And it is so

Congratulations to you and your therapist. You both did yeoman's work. Bravo my dear, BRAVO

Summer said...

I'm really happy for you. Full steam ahead.

Jeff D'Antonio said...

Self esteem is a wonderful feeling, and I'm glad you've found yours. Too many people live without it for too long. And once you realize that you are a valuable human being with something completely unique and wonderful to offer the world, it opens your eyes to so many things you never saw before. It opens the door to discovering who you truly are, because aren't afraid to look in those dark places anymore. Because you know that those dark places don't define you. Or limit you. Welcome to your new world, Kate.

Jeff

Lemmonex said...

Hooray! You are worth more, so much more. I am so sorry you felt so bleak at one point, but could not be happier that you have emerged from the darkness.

Kristen said...

I don't know if you know this, but remember BREN?

Well, after all the ladies were swooning over him, I showed him pictures of everyone and HE PICKED YOU OUT as the blogger he'd most like to...

You Know.

carrster said...

Yay for you Kate. Sounds great. I like your attitude.

btw, I have that same notebook - I love it, but mine is filled completely with work stuff. Time to buy a new pretty notebook!

SoMi's Nilsa said...

I'm toasting you with a bite of this really awesome Apple Taffy Salad (not really a salad at all). Because where you are in life right now? Deserves all sorts of celebrations!

*Akilah Sakai* said...

Great post! Good for you, Kate. Your words are very inspiring. Just keep on keeping on.

melissalion said...

Sigh...Bren. So are you stopping therapy, or just the journal reading? Either way...whoa!

buffalodick said...

I don't care what it took to get this far, I am simply pleased you are happy with yourself- as you should have been all along! Good for you,and may it all get even better!

Titania said...

Wow... this sounds like "Graduation Day". One stage has ended and another, scary but bright is starting. Congratulations, m'dear!! Your strength never ceases to amaze me, very big hug.

Jen said...

This is so great, you must be really proud of yourself! Yay!