This is Why I Get Paid the Big Bucks

9:02 PM Edit This 17 Comments »
I've been a bad blogger lately. I get most of my hits because I comment on others' blogs. And I haven't been doing that as much. Only because the good doctor I work for is finally home from his mission trip and that means I actually have to do real work. Like pimping his horses.


The man has race horses. One of his mares won the Kentucky Derby years ago. And he's bred her ever since, but she died in childbirth last week. So, there's been a new push - for his stud horses. Yep. I've been pimping his studs. $1000 and you too, can have horse sperm. He wants to stud him about thirty times this season. So of course, in my inifinite wisdom I say, "So basically this mailing I'm doing is so your horse can have sex thirty times." And he bursts into little boy laughter and says, "Oh no! He's going to get to do it ALOT more than that!" This is followed by a 45 minute lecture on the ovulation cycle of mares and things like barometric pressure and how sometimes the stud is not interested. What? Not interested? I didn't know there was such a thing.

Anyway. I know all about breeding horses now.

And about holy cows. I seriously think he pays us so that he has an audience. He made us look at three hours worth of pictures from his trip to India. And I think half of them were cows. Because he thought it was funny that they lay around all over the place because they're holy.

17 comments:

Lemmonex said...

PimpMamma Kate. Suits you, I think.

And not in the mood? Does the horse have a headache?

Jeff D'Antonio said...

Why do I suddenly I wish I was a race horse....?

Jeff

Sweetly Single said...

so as a good pimp does that mean you get a cut?

carrster said...

Life is weird, isn't it?

Jen said...

It sounds like a fun way to make a buck. I'd say milk it! ; )

BrianAlt said...

Do you get to wear wide brimmed hats, crazy boots, gaudy necklaces and finger fulls of rings?

Just wondering.

Malaise Inc said...

He might try marketing to barrel racers. $1000 a pop is in line with what is seen as reasonable in the quarter horse world.

What is the stud registered under with the Jockey Club?

Kristen said...

If I die in childbirth do you think my husband will try to stud himself out?

f.B said...

A good pimp can pimp anything, even a horse.

Summer said...

Do you get to slap anyone? And say things like, "B****, my pimp hand is way strong!"

If I had to the funds to pay for an audience, I'd be so tempted!

MilesPerHour said...

Can you get arrested for any of that stuff?

Sparkling Red said...

That's hilarious! I like your doctor boss. If I could get paid to look at pictures of cows for 3 hours, I think I would be fine with that. As long as he didn't expect me to stay late to finish all the work I didn't do because I was politely looking at cows.

buffalodick said...

Do I have to call you "Madam" now? Running a stable of ill- repute- for shame!

O'Mama said...

Stud for hire - it's a living, no?

I have a dog I am about to neuter and I cannot find anyplace that will retrieve a sample of his genetic material - *I* am certainly not going to! - for posterity. If he were a champion dog, as is his father and his brother, his sperm would also be worth a fortune.

LiLu said...

"He wants to stud him about thirty times this season."

Can we just take that out of context for a minute, please?

That is all.

*Akilah Sakai* said...

Semen and cash? What the hell did I miss today?

Pimping horses? You should get a name badge made and wear it random places like to the grocery store.

t2ed said...

I would love to have Race Horse Pimp on a business card.

That or Ninja.