The Violence in Violets

2:33 PM Edit This 12 Comments »
Aren't they pretty? They are a product of my most recent assignment from this morning when I raced down the driveway at Tallgrass, certain that the impending doom was going to swallow me. I got met at the door. My favorite man in the whole wide world apparently knows what I need just by watching the way I careen down the asphalt. A big hug, a plate of spaghetti then strawberries and cool whip later, I was instructed to go pick some flowers, wade in the pond, tickle some fish, and then come back and talk.

He pronounced me at def con 4, which in my world is pretty dang good. Off. But not irreconcilably so. I get my own scale for crazy around there. It goes up to 12, because 10 just isn't enough. And guess what I learned? The world and it's people do not exist to please me and only me. Rocket science, huh? And that it's none of my business whether people die or don't die, go crazy, get in accidents or live happily ever after in the land of hippity hoppity Easter bunnies.

"Do other people think about these kinds of things, Tom?"

"Yes, baby. They do. You are NOT unique."

"I have to do this every single fucking day, don't I? This letting go of the need to control everything and everybody around me?"

"Yes, baby. But it gets easier."

"When? Fucking WHEN?"

"When you don't think about it anymore. And it comes automatically. And you've been living that way for awhile. You'll just wake up one morning and say to yourself - this is what I've been waiting for. When you realize that the fear of life not going as you planned is not really living."

"I need another hug."

"Of course you do."

And now? Now, I am going to take a nap. Because after all that, I kicked everyone's ass at frisbee golf.

12 comments:

Jen said...

You are doing great. It's just one of those things that comes one day at a time, no rush, take your time, it will get better, things always do. Sending hugs your way.

Dingo said...

I like the juxtaposition of violets in the prescription bottle. That about says it all, don't you think?

Kate said...

You're onto me, Dingo. It was indeed purposeful.

Bob said...

you have a wise friend.

I'm glad you're feeling better.

BrianAlt said...

I thought the highest was 11. Huh...something new every day...

Is, "tickle some fish," a euphemism?

justjp said...

The picture says it all!

Julia said...

I love that they're in a pill bottle! GLad to hear you had a good ear to bend and that your more stabilized.

Kristen said...

We have some iris sitting on our kitchen counter right now. They're in an empty bottle of Patron.

Somebody at my daughter's birthday party decided to use it as a vase. It's lovely.

*Akilah Sakai* said...

"When you realize that the fear of life not going as you planned is not really living."Ain't that the truth ...

P.S.
Love where you put the flowers.

Holly said...

As a fellow control freak, I am glad to hear Tom speak the truth. It is an ever present thing in our lives, my dear. I am slowly learning, through my 2 year old, that I need to let go of a whole lot more if I want her to grow up and be her own person. It's the hardest thing, but also some of the most rewarding.

Think of ALL those things we like to control of 2 year old little ones and maybe we'll grow too.

Hugs to you.

Summer said...

I think a little Tom would do us all good. I love it!

Kai said...

That was something I needed to hear. Thanks to Tom and to you. xo