Happy Feet Friday

8:40 AM Posted In , Edit This 12 Comments »
I'm surprised these haven't been featured before. They are my go-to shoes. They've been around for almost ten years. Hence, the scruffy exterior that occasionally my dad will polish up for me, because I'm lazy and for some wanked out reason, he likes to polish shoes. And don't look too closely at the paint job on my toenails. I have no patience for such things, and about two seconds after I painted them, I decided I wanted to go sit in the backyard swing. So I did. Apparently, that's not a good idea. Obviously, I do not care.

Guess what time of the month it is?! It's time for your monthly public health announcement! (Seriously, would I be this excited to tell you I have PMS? No. I would not.) The South Dakota Public Health Bulletin arrived yesterday to my intense glee and delight. The clap? It is a-clappening at a 13% increase, but gonorrhea? There's something going on, because it's up by 57%. Yuck. So in this case, I am NOT going to implore you to wear condoms, I'm going to tell you to stop having sex until the epidemic is over. Good Lord. And something called cryptosporidiosis is up by 116%. Whatever it is, it sounds disgusting. So there you have it, kids. There wasn't anything about rabies, so it was kind of a disappointment this time.

It's raining. That can stop at any moment. My parents have decided to grace me with their presence tomorrow. I have to let them come; they've been clamoring about not having seen me for two months. Like I don't exist if they don't validate my presence on the earth with their eyes. I'm such a good daughter. No?

12 comments:

Bob said...

STOP HAVING SEX?!

I'm married. draw your own conclusions.

MsDarkstar said...

Prepare to be even more horrified, K8
Cryptosporidiosis, also known as crypto,is a parasitic disease caused by Cryptosporidium, a protozoan parasite in the phylum Apicomplexa. It affects the intestines of mammals and is typically an acute short-term infection. It is spread through the fecal-oral route.

In other words, stop havin' the buttsex and then the oral, kids. EEEWWWW!

BrianAlt said...

Too bad about rabies, but look at gonorrhea! W00t!

And GOOOOOO cryptosporidiosis! Coming on strong, baby! Yay tooshie licking!

SoMi's Nilsa said...

Maybe your dad can polish your shoes while he's in town! I'm just impressed you've kept a pair of shoes for 10 years. Wow. Very little in my wardrobe is that old.

Summer said...

57% increase. Well that's certainly a spike.

Dingo said...

I'm hoping that the rabies would be in a different section of the Public Health Report than the clap. If you were expecting rabies in a report about STD's maybe you should listen to your therapist's admonitions about kinky sex.

melissalion said...

I like these reports. Makes me feel squirmy. In a good way.

Sparkling Red said...

I'm so glad I'm not dating.

morethananelectrician said...

I SOOOOO did not need the description of Cryptosporidiosis...but at least I can skip lunch now.

Mamie said...

Crypto is a poop disease. Here in Utah - land of zillions of small children - we are subjected to PSAs on TV all summer reminding people not to use public swimming pools of they have recently had diarrhea. Parents are also reminded to put swim diapers on their tots. It's all rather poopily graphic and gross!

LiLu said...

10 YEARS? Apparently those shoes are made out of Special Forever Material... if they were mine, they'd have been destroyed after one.

Organic Meatbag said...

Wow, Gonorrhea must have been on sale to go up that much! I have always wanted to go visit South Dakota, by the way, and it's just a good thing I'm not coming up there to seek casual sex, because I would be going home with an itchy, burning souvenir... hahaha!