Competing With the Other Woman

7:08 PM Edit This 19 Comments »
I fully admit that I am narcissistic. I want to be the center of attention all the time. Wed that to my propensity for co-dependency, and I'm one sick woman. "It's all about me. Wait. It's all about HIM. Wait. It's all about me!" Yeah. It wages war in my head. If I do "this" then he'll love me. If I do "that" then he will never leave me. If I'm "good enough" then he'll want me forever. Yeah. That. It's sick and twisted and it's what I beat down with the crazy stick on a daily basis. But we've reached the last straw in our household.

Wanda came to visit.

Oh wait. She didn't come to visit. She LIVES HERE now.What is it with gay men and their women? I love Gay Boyfriend. I am not his Fag Hag (You get brownie points for knowing what that is), but he is my friend. And when Wanda came to our house, I had a fit. Wanda laid under the dining room table for several weeks; her legs sticking out with no other body part accessible. I freaked out every time I came upstairs. For someone that's seen her girlfriend try to kill herself and find her twitching on the floor, the legs from under the table were a little much. PTSD, anyone? Not happy.But then he finally dressed her. I do not LIKE Wanda. I do not want her to wear my clothes. And I'm horribly disgusted that Gay Boyfriend buys her jewelry and continues to complain about my lack of said jewelry whenever I have occasion to dress up. I told him if he bought her something nice and didn't buy something for me, I would divorce him. He didn't seem to care for that threat.... Hrmph. I didn't really understand Wanda until we went to his gay friend's house on the way home from the beach. They have TWO mannequins. This one, which I tried to emulate. They don't see Wanda as a threat to me. But damnit! This is a one woman household. And I reign supreme. And don't you forget it. Gay Boyfriend has been put on notice. There will be no jewelry for Wanda until mine appears.






19 comments:

G said...

I was very tired as I read this post. It opened another window to your soul:)

buffalodick said...

I sort of think you are way more into talking than listening, or sharing thoughts, so just talk for a while... God gave us two ears and one mouth- so we would listen twice as much as we talk. Good luck and peace in your journey though life..

SFreese said...

YOU GO GIRL!!! Gay boyfriend needs to get rid of the mannequin and buy a mirror.

SoMi's Nilsa said...

A long time ago, I met the (Asian) woman who would eventually be my maid of honor. We are tight. So, when she learned I might have other Asian friends, she told me, "Only I can be your token Asian girlfriend." And she wasn't kidding.

I think you should tell gay boyfriend, "Only I can be your token mannequin" and see how he reacts. It's crazy enough that it just might work!

ken said...

at least it's not a realdoll.

GreenCanary said...

I am so disturbed... Have you not seen Tourist Trap?! Check it out and you'll never be able to look at Wanda again: http://obscurehollow.blogspot.com/2009/01/tourist-trap-1979.html

Daisee579 said...

I just want to know where one obtains a mannequin for their home. I've been accused of being a hag in the past, but I guess I"m not a very good one since I never saw any of my gay friends with mannequins. Hmmmm.

Malaise Inc said...

Yeah, but Wanda is a redhead.

Mrrrroowwwwwrrrr!!!111!!1!1!!

Okay, the hair in the second picture is a little too 1980's. But, still, she is a redhead.

lacochran said...

Every 70s horror movie had close ups of clowns, carousel horse heads, and mannequins. Pure evil.

melissalion said...

Nope, that is scary. Scary. Shut her down. Deal breaker.

I'm quoting 30 Rock, that's how serious I am.

JoLee said...

I gotta admit, it's a little creepy to me. I wouldn't want a fake person in my house no matter what she had on.

justjp said...

That thing is creepy as all hell!

Jules said...

I agree - it's kinda creepy. She's gotta go!

Kate said...

Canary! WTF, girlie? NIGHTMARE CITY. You could have at least WARNED me not to look at it before I go to bed!

The Peach Tart said...

That bitch Wanda's got to go

GreenCanary said...

Bwa-ha ha haaaaaaa! *evil villain laugh* If I have to live with the nightmare that is Tourist Trap a-livin' in mah brain, the least I could do is take you down with me. Woo-ha! But in all seriousness, that movie scares the piss out of me.

Dingo said...

Disturbing. If only you could get her to make herself useful. Does she cook and clean?

I'm thinking that maybe you and Gay Boyfriend should check out the movie Lars and The Real Girl.

LiLu said...

"Fag hag", I fully understand, having been one and proud of it in college.

"Wanda", however, is another story...

Sweetly Single said...

I think Wanda needs a partner...so she has to move to Canada and get married in a quickie lesbian wedding type of way....either that or a funeral

LOL

besides you look so much better then the plastic one