I Am Kate. And This is My Blog

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The Characters
Gay Boyfriend: I live with him. He owns the house. I rent Tiny Apartment in his basement. He's a flaming extrovert. I just like to read. He calls me his "woman." Which makes me laugh. If he wasn't gay, I'd marry him. Maybe.

Cowgirl: She's one of my best friends and is the mother of Munchkin Numbers One, Two, and Three as well as Teenage Angst, who frequently get featured on my blog because they are the closest thing to my own children that I will probably ever have. They live on a small acreage with chickens, dogs, a cat and her husband. She's the reason I am an unmarried, childless 36 37 38 year old woman who owns a car seat. I got sick of moving it from her car to mine.

Miss M: My other best friend. We spend many an hour together either on the swing in my backyard or on her front porch in lawn chairs, drinking coffee or diet Coke (me) and diet Mountain Dew (her), smoking, and solving the world's problems. She is in graduate school and is so busy, I never get to see her. I miss her horribly.

Mini Mama, Chakra Queen, Dog Girl, Hippie Tom, Tiny, Cricket, Dirty Ben - a few of my very close friends.

Baby Z. He's my new nephew. As in BRAND NEW! He's five weeks three months old six eight months a year old Two years old. And my heart bursts when I even think about him.

The Dead Guy: The man who stole my soul. We were engaged for three years. He drank himself to death. It was ugly. I went quite mad when he died and I work very hard to peer out from behind that web of madness on a daily basis. Lately, I've taken to jumping out more boldly. I like it when I do that. On December 29th, 2010 he will have been gone five years.

Carolyn: She's my therapist. She's charged with straightening out the mess that is what's left of my head. I "graduated" from therapy in January, but I still get scared sometimes. Weird. I had to go back to therapy when I started my new job. It has brought a lot of things to the forefront that I need to deal with to be effective at what I do.

Dax and Kiki: The cats. Dax is a mischevious little boy. Kiki's a bitch. It's just how it is.

Things I Talk About
Tiny Apartment: This is where I live. Galley Kitchen, Living Room, Sleeping Quarters and Miniature Bathroom make up the whole place. I can lock the door when I feel like it or go upstairs when I'm lonely. Gay Boyfriend tends to take in the strays - people who just need a place to live for awhile - so there's often someone else living upstairs with him. Oh and Wanda. Wanda lives up there, too. She is the mannequin that Gay Boyfriend acquired, dressed and named. I hate her.

Tallgrass: The facility where I went to treatment for my slight drinking problem.

Recovery: My first honest day sober in over 6 years was December 28th, 2006. Yes. 364 days after The Dead Guy croaked. I was planning on killing myself on the 29th. Dramatic, no? Through some sick twist of the universe, I called someone instead. So there you go.

Running: I ran my first 5K in September of 2010. I'm hooked. I love it. It's the freedom I've been looking for. It makes my head shut up long enough for me to breathe. I am training for a 10K now. I have delusions of running a marathon before I'm 40. I may actually do it.

Reading: It's my absolute favorite thing in the whole wide world. I have stacks of books everywhere. Beside the chair, beside the bed, on the kitchen table, under the big mirror, propping up a step basket. And that doesn't count the ones on the shelves that my father made specifically for their purpose.

The Church: I was a youth director for over 10 years at two different churches. I was quite good at my job. In fact, so good that I let it ruin my soul. I was kind of a Big Deal - a regional speaker on youth ministry, was asked to write for a stellar Christian Curriculum company, known in the community for my advocacy work on youth rights, blah blah blah. But the politics and the "business" that is the church killed whatever faith I had in organized religion. I know the exact moment it happened, and I haven't been the same since.

Disaster Preparedness and Disease: I missed my calling in life. I love everything disaster and disease. I am obsessed with it. I, myself, am not prepared for anything. I just love to read about it. It's a sickness in it's own right. I can spout statistics for The Clap and Rabies in greater South Dakota because I am in love with the South Dakota Public Health Bulletin. I also research the Bubonic Plague and Scurvy on the regular. Just so you know, those are NOT good topics for first date conversations...

My Job: I don't talk about it because it's kind of sensitive and legal. But I work with alcoholics and addicts. I do treatment groups and aftercare. I kinda love it. It's my way of giving back to the world.

The Crazy: This is my addiction. This is why I go to recovery meetings. The Crazy is what I have to watch out for on a daily basis in order to stay sane. It's what happens when I'm not being honest with myself about who I am or where I am at. I fear the return of it. Always.


buffalodick said...

I sense that freed you, to a degree.. Whenever you disclose information about yourself, it should be voluntary, and it should be because it makes you feel better- not that we have to know every ugly detail. We all have ugly. We all fight the same daemons, more or less- sooner or later.. You have more cell mates than you know, dear.. 6.5 billion people on this planet, all unique- but not as unique as we think sometimes. Talking helps, having a listener really helps.

Kate said...

Of course it's voluntary. And I do not pretend to be unique. It it MY journey - of course. But if there's just one person out there that relates and can survive just one more day because they're not alone, then I have done my job.

Mr. Condescending said...

I wanna hear more about crazy doctor!

Mr. Condescending said...

I wanna hear more about crazy doctor!

BrianAlt said...

Swing Dance: Yes, you are not half bad. You may even be GOOD! :-)

Thanks for the enjoyable recap. You should sticky this on the sidebar for new readers.

SoMi's Nilsa said...

Even though I've been reading your blog for a while and I pretty much knew everything you included in this post, I still loved it. It serves as a reminder that when you're honest with yourself and with the world around you, good things do come.

Kate said...

Brian! You win the prize. That's why I did it.

Kristen said...

Yes you are and yes it is.

That covers it.

I need a Dancing Queen.

saratogajean said...

You need to include a reading list from The Good Doctor. Share the wealth!

Anonymous said...

Well, I for one would like to buy Tom a drink (or something...;) ) and thank him for saving your life.

I'm glad you called someone instead of killing yourself that day. And I hope whoever it was you called (Tom?) knows that.

Oh, and thanks for what you said on my blog yesterday - about the good coming out of the bad, I mean. That struck a chord with me.

Summer said...

Even though I read your blog all the time, I enjoyed this post. Confirming all the characters and their role in your life made me happy for some odd reason.

You are truly an awesome lady. I want you to know that. Also, I love reading your blog and your comments. Your very "real" attitude brings a calm for me. Your comments (no matter how brief) usually ground me.

melissalion said...

I wonder where your blog fits into your cast of character?

I have a love/hate relationship with my own blog. It's like my Caroline.

*Akilah Sakai* said...

Glad you made that phone call in December. You're a breath of fresh air and your blog helps others in more ways than you probably know. It's very encouraging.

Dingo said...

What? No mention of the knitter of socks?

BrianAlt said...

YAY!!! Finally I win a prize! :-)

G said...

Nice post.

It does put things into perspective for a newbie (not to blogging, but to this blog) who happened to drop in one day out of the blue.

You do have a fascinating blog, and apparently, a fascinating life. Glad things are starting to look up for you.

Anonymous said...

Hello. Great job. I did not expect this on a Wednesday. This is a great story. Thanks!

Anonymous said...

This phrase is simply matchless ;)

Alyxmyself said...

My mother drank herself to death. Took her 10 years, but she really tried hard.

I tried to save an alcoholic after that,pretty much devoted my life to him, and thru that my anorexia and bulemia tried to kill me.

It took me four years after her death to start getting well, but I didn't die, I ate, and I lived.

It's what you do with it that counts, right?

mjhogan53213 said...

Hey Kate, enjoyed your intro. Tried sendign a witty intro @ what looked to be an email at fallsk8@msn, but it must be old and it bounced back. Oh well too bad as I was quite amusing! LOL. Will enloy looking for your next posting.

Wendy said...

Hi Kate. I clicked over from Lemon Gloria and am intrigued by your story. You're brave to write about this stuff. I have a feeling I'm going to become a regular reader.

Cheers and Happy New Year,