The Eve of my 500th Post

8:39 AM Edit This 23 Comments »
So, let me tell you about last night. Remember Mr. Internet vs. 1.0? The one who conveniently forgot to tell me when we started dating that he wasn't quite divorced yet? Well, he contacted me last October to see if I wanted to go to a football game. And I said, "sure." Because why not? He's not a terrible person and he is indeed, finally divorced. So, I went. And I was reminded of why it would never work out between us, but it was a nice afternoon and blah blah blah. Does not need to be repeated. Right? Turns out he was DATING SOMEONE AT THE TIME. Um, hello? Cocknozzle douchemonkery. But according to him it didn't matter because she was "moody." Oh my.

He called again last night. And let me tell you. When I first started dating - just about a year ago - I was warned that "All men want is sex." And well, I didn't believe you. Because that's just not nice. Well, I stand corrected. And maybe there's a man out there that does want something more than that, but I sure haven't met one yet. So, when he identified himself because, "Hello? NO, I did NOT keep your number in my phone." I said, "Look. I don't want to have sex with you." And he was all, "That's not why I called and how dare you think that of me?" sort of ninny nanny bullshit. Because turns out that he DID want to come over and "mess around." And hello? When does "mess around" not mean sex? So, in the midst of telling him off, I find out he's STILL dating that other girl, but she wants to get married and he doesn't and he's not sure it's working out and I very plainly said, "You're a complete cockmonkey. Either date her or break up with her. That's just selfish and mean."

And guess what? He sent me a text this morning telling me that he broke up with her. And now I feel bad. Because you know what? It ruined her Christmas. Seriously - what girl who gets dumped right before Christmas thinks that's a good idea? So now I feel like a big old lump of coal in her stocking and it's all his fault. See, how I blame him in the end? This kind of jackassery does not become my life anymore. And thank GOD it doesn't. Because I sure don't have time for it.

In other news, tomorrow will be my 500th post and I would like you to send me questions to answer. What would you like to know about me that I haven't already vomited all over the internet? Leave them in the comments or email me. Either way, I'd love to be interrogated. Especially naked under hot lights.

Oh, and I love winter and all that, but here's a tip. When it's 9 degrees below zero with 30 below windchills? The pedestrian HAS THE RIGHT OF WAY. No matter what. Got it?


Daisee579 said...

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who got yelled at for calling a spade a spade about a booty call. When you only call me late in the night, I know you want one thing. So when I call you out on it, you do NOT have the right to go off on ME!! Congrats to you for standing up for yourself.

I know you feel the guilt over him breaking up with her, but really, he did it. Would she be happier finding out later than he was calling you for booty while she was hoping to marry him? Nope. So you saved her some heartbreak. See, silver lining :)

melissalion said...

Okay, this is not your fault. And you have no idea if she'll have a crappy Christmas. Might be that she thinks Phew -- that effer is out of my life. Now I can get me a man who wants to get married and not some schmuck who fools around on me.

Interrogation question: what food is your secret pleasure? The one you eat when no one is looking.

Mine is boxed macaroni and cheese. With a generous helping of sharp cheddar mixed in. Healthy!

lacochran said...

It's true: all men want sex. But some men want more than sex. Some men want food, too.

You are not responsible for him. You are responsible for you and it sounds like you are doing a damn fine job.

Here's a question for you: What's the sexiest thing a man can say/do?

(Feel free to take the fifth.)

Sarita said...

It may not feel like it know, but you know in a few weeks (months? years?), she will unknowingly be forever grateful that you saved her a whole bunch of time getting to that "heartbreak".

I'm still trying to think of a question.

justjp said...

K8, babe, I hate to break it to you, but it is true. Sex is the single greatest motivator of men. If the sex is good, we then think about a long term investment. Now, if we can get sex and a sandwich, then we are in for life.

Luv ya!

justjp said...

K8, babe, I hate to break it to you, but it is true. Sex is the single greatest motivator of men. If the sex is good, we then think about a long term investment. Now, if we can get sex and a sandwich, then we are in for life.

Luv ya!

GirlWithCurls said...

I have lots to say! Maybe they're not questions, but I think you'd appreciate the impressions of a "newbie" reading your blog.

I love your sense of humor. I relate to the no-B-S agenda because people have taught me some hard lessons about when to be gracious, when to forgive, and when to get the heck out of town, but I tell you what Miss 500th post (which is quite an accomplishment, congrats!) I'm having a heck of a time catching up with you. I went to the beginning of this puppy and have been reading forward. Its hard for me NOT to reply to posts that I'm afraid have become irrelevant. And then when I read your present posts I get confused with references you make to previous posts that I haven't read yet. Gasp!

It would be extremely helpful if (and I know this is asking a LOT) you linked back to the posts you're referring, or just made a page of "all the things my readers need to know" about yourself, Kate. So that we newbs aren't sitting here wondering "Who is Gay Boyfriend, and how did he earn that hilarious nick name?"

Again, Congratulations!

Kelly Hogaboom said...

So, I'm married to an actual dude, we've been together going on twelve years now. Turns out he wants a lot more than just sex. Like he has dreams and aspirations and habits and interests. It's weird, he has a brain and a soul and a mind and stuff. Or I could just make fun of him like he's a Homer Simpson. ... nah.

K8, in your case, the guy sounds like a handful of really bad behaviors. HE ruined her Christmas, not you. And he likely wasn't that great of a boyfriend BEFORE he broke up with her, either.

I hope you have a much better date in your near future! Thanks for another post. :-)

Kate said...

Girlwithcurls - on my sidebar is a link that says, "Start here Before You Say Something Stupid." That's the blog in a snapshot. It will help you catch up faster.

Kelly - I hear you. And even though I joke about men just wanting sex, I still believe there is one out there for me that wants something more. If I didn't believe that, I would have ceased looking long ago. Sigh. Patience.

Summer said...

You say you've ruined her Christmas, but I say you've saved her time in finding out he's a jackass. And what's up with him and the "mess around?" Is that the same as "we can take off our clothes and just hold each other?"

Anonymous said...

Believe it or not, there are men out there who want more than sex. But I'm already married, and the other one is a buddhist monk living in a cave in Tibet. I've heard rumors that there's a third one somewhere, but I don't think anyone's actually seen him yet.

But seriously, stay away from guys like that. I'm glad you stood up for yourself, because you deserve better. And his former girlfriend would be counting her lucky stars if she knew what a pile of shit she just sidestepped.

Yours is out there, Kate. Go find him.

Sparkling Red said...

Mercy. Men like that never learn. You're right, it IS all HIS fault. :-pppp

And thank you for putting in a good word about pedestrians' right of way. Even when we're struggling slowly over an ice patch, the lucky ducks who are sitting all comfy in their warm cars can freaking well WAIT!

Kristen said...

Melissa Lion secretly wants to eat Velveeta cheese. I know this.

I don't think you ruined her Christmas at all. I think you gave her the gift of being rid of a total douche canoe.

Hmmmm...a question.
This is embarassingly lame, but hey. I gotta be true to myself.

If you could have dinner and then super sexy sex with any celebrity, who would it be?

Anonymous said...

Oh! Questions...I forgot. Hmmm...

1. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be, and why?

2. What makes you happy? I mean truly happy and at peace?

3. If you had a time machine, but you could only use it once (round trip, of course) would you go into the past, or the future? What would you hope to see or do there?

Meg Kathleen said...

I say you did that girl a favor - she's better spending Christmas alone than with a cockmonkey!

Rebecca said...

"Oh, and I love winter and all that, but here's a tip. When it's 9 degrees below zero with 30 below windchills? The pedestrian HAS THE RIGHT OF WAY. No matter what. Got it? "............I agree with you completely.....also if it's raining, especially when it's pouring.

Questions......What is one regret you have? What are you most proud of? What brings a smile to your heart? What makes you happiest? Where do you see yourself in 10 years.........30 years?

Cello Mama said...

Ugh, you were her Christmas angel. She may not see it now, but better one Christmas ruined than all of them the rest of her life!

The Pollinatrix said...

I have to say - I've had this very strange phenomenon in my life of men who are very hard to get into bed. And I'm not unattractive, either.

I'm still trying to think of a good question. The only one I can think of is a really lame one - What kind of cigarettes do you smoke?

melissalion said...

Crissy -- I love Velveeta cheese in grilled cheese sandwiches. YUM.

Holly said...

I agree with Jeff D - you saved her a whole lotta hurt from the pile of shit she was dating. See Elin N for a more full frontal (pun intended) view of what this does to people who invest in assholes like him.

Good for you for calling him what he is, hopefully he heard it.

MsDarkstar said...

I'll agree with the other folks, I don't think you ruined her Christmas, it was a blessing (perhaps a blessing in disguise from her viewpoint) to get rid of this guy who wasn't good to/for her.

BrianAlt said...

I'm sorry that I was away and missed this, cause if I did see it I certainly would have asked you:

"Will you have sex with me?"

Allie said...

I TOTALLY agree with your traffic law. Temperature should be figured in to that equation!

And, I think, usually, it's better to know than not know. Maybe you saved her from catching him messing around with someone at a New Years party when he thought she wasn't looking.