Therapy Tuesday

8:39 AM Edit This 19 Comments »
We haven't had a Therapy Tuesday post for quite some time. I've still been going, but nothing earth shattering has been going on. (Besides my isolation, which is not earth shattering, but rather quite normal for me in January.) But today, I am sad. So very sad. Carolyn gave me an assignment this morning. She told me to think about how long I planned to live and then go backwards and figure out what I might like to do during that time.

This is not at all like the stupid pray to Jesus for your life goals bullshit, it's just to get me to think about the future in some tangible form. Which I find very, very difficult to do. Because the very first thing out of my mouth when she said that was, "But I never planned to live THIS long, how am I supposed to think about the future?"

And there you have it folks. I never planned to be alive this long.

And she stopped talking and looked straight at me and said, "That's what I've been waiting for you to say for a long, long time. Now let's get to work."

Sigh.

More work.

19 comments:

buffalodick said...

Kind of an odd question....

Sara said...

Don't be sad. Be happy! Your life is so much better now than it was just a short time ago. You have a FUTURE (aka "a second chance") - time to dream big and make plans!

Kate said...

I think I'm sad that those words were my first thoughts. That even after all this time, I still don't dream about being around long term. It's a very weird feeling. And of course one that she wants to help me get over and through.

Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks said...

Oh man, I think that's a tough assignment for anyone. I'm not sure how long I want to live and what I want to achieve between now and then. Definitely something to think about.

Susan Carpenter Sims said...

I, for one, am very glad you've lived this long.

Jen said...

I always thought I would die young, how young? Not sure. but young enough I guess. Now I think it was wishful thinking, because I've always thought the spiritual world is so much better than this one, so who would rather be here? But I understand we are here for a reason, we have a purpose and we need to figure it out and live it through, if not we'll have to come back, and who wants a do over? Not me!
I have to say though, that exercise would be very scary for me, it would probably stress me out to see all I want to accomplish and the little time I have to do so, yikes!

Kate said...

Jen! That's my story, too! You understand!

The Good Cook said...

I'm glad you are here and from reading your posts there seem to be quite a few people who share that sentiment. Keep living! Start Dreaming! You deserve a place in the future.

Anonymous said...

I met a wise old man once who gave me some advice. It probably won't sound as good coming from me, but picture an 80 year old man out hiking by himself on one of the most rugged backcountry trails in America. After we chatted for awhile and then parted ways, as he walked away he turned around and told me to "live life every day until it kills you."

I've never forgotten those words.

It doesn't matter what you do with your life, as long as you're living it.

Find something that makes you happy, and do that.

texas math said...

I don't think it's uncommon to think that you weren't ever going to live as long as you have now.

I know I've found myself thinking that several times...it's not necessarily a bad thing. It may just mean we're not good at long-term planning.

Bill Todd said...

I hear the sigh, but also the inherent hope in planning to not simply exist, but to live. I believe that you have the testicular fortitude to take this work and beat it's ass. ;-)

Kate said...

Oh yes. Yes, I do Bill. In fact, this new violent streak in me will come in handy.

Rebecca said...

I want to live to be at least 90 and I want to be healthy the whole time. I want to have a good mind that remembers stuff and gives sage advice to those who visit me. I want to be paying for my assisted living apartment with money that I have either earned or won (lottery?) and I want to have a great relationship with my children and grand-children and maybe even great grandchildren.

justsomethoughts... said...

oh wow
wow
wowowowowowowow...

i didnt come here for this
thankyouverymuch

wow.

Anonymous said...

I'm so focused on what has to happen right now this moment that I never think about the future. The future is SCARY, dude.

Anonymous said...

A very thought provoking post. Thank you

BrianAlt said...

Awesome.

You will think of your future. You will!

Shelly said...

Ooh, that's a good question for all of us. Good stuff to think about. Thanks for sharing it.

Jennifer said...

WOW. Having read your blog now for a long time I think of your illness in college, the alcoholism, the death of someone you were so endeared and devoted to and how these experiences might have affected you and your idea of the longevity of life.

The word deserve came up for me a lot while dealing with living rather than not living while I was in therapy. I believe I saw myself in need of extreme judgement and did not deserve living in joy or happiness, and certainly not for a long time. Unfortunately some of my religious experiences brought this on for me as well as being an ACOA.

It wasn't until therapy that I even began to desire to live in a fullness I truly cannot explain and not only live, but live for a long time. Amazing what shift has occurred.

This is powerful what is happening for you. I appreciate that you are sharing this and I am interested to see how this progresses in you. WOW. I just read something about we are at our strongest place when we feel the weakest. I HATE THAT, but I just can't help but thinking about that as I read this.

WOW...Oh, and thank you : )