The Iguana Infection

5:48 PM Edit This 9 Comments »
The weekend dawned clear and colorful. Me, downing Robitussin Sugar Free cough syrup like nobody's business, drinking water like it was going out of style and trying to keep from hacking, I wanted to experience this little bit of spring, no matter how I was feeling. So, I packed up a book and went to Cowgirl's farm. Shortly after I got there, I dispensed with my yoga pants and sweatshirt and according to Munchkin Number 2, won the "Whitest Legs Award." while lounging on my chair, trying to read a book. It's been a hard winter for all of us, and it was a hard day for Munchkin Number 2. There were several meltdowns that included; not being able to turn on the hose, scraping her knee, and falling off the trampoline. Not to mention that I gave her sister a used digital camera that she is a little too young to take charge of. All in one day. It was a rough one.But we got to sit on "Big Girl Chairs" and feed each other Fruit Loops. (This is while mommy is washing windows. I reserve the right to lounge while entertaining children. It's my JOB.)
And then we set up shop for the most interesting part of the day.
Daddy's gonna pull out a lilac bush.
And with the chain and tractor, he did. Sure as shit, he did.
And guess what this is? It's 25 year old sheep shit. The best compost in the world. And I got three buckets of it. He told me just to throw it on top of my garden and work it in when I planted. Well? I did. And now I want more. That stuff is freaking GOLD. That's what I get for agreeing to go on the golf cart for no good reason - which turned into picking up ditch trash for an hour with Daddy and Munchkins Number One and Two. And let me tell ya, it was serious fun. Cowgirl thinks I'm nuts, but I don't live it everyday, so it IS fun for me. But I had to call Cowgirl this morning and tell her to spray them down with lysol. Because I'm sick.

There's a new word about town. Iguana Infection. Strep Throat will now be known as the Iguana Infection. Because it fucking hurts. Like swallow knives on fire hurts. I was laying in bed this morning at 4:30 a.m. thinking that there had to be something against the law for feeling this horrible and not having a way to make it stop. And yeah - booze is always an option - but no.

I got up and used my Neti Pot and got a good two hours sleep afterward and then managed to make a meeting and breakfast, thinking, "I'm good. I've passed it. Just a cold." when the day dawned clear and warm and sunny and all things Going To The Farm. But when I came home to get shorts and t-shirt? I fell down on my bed and could go no further. No amount of cough syrup, ibuprofen or asthma inhaler could do a thing for me and I laid down, bereft of a beautiful day until my ears decided to go death metal concert in front of the speakers on me and I got sick to my stomach, I was so dizzy with imbalance.

So, I called the hospital and asked about Acute Care, and well - the address they gave me registered in my head at a very different location than the one that was actually providing services, but a good 45 minutes later, I was ushered into an office, the good NP looked into my ears, declared them clear, then looked at my throat and said, "Holy Shit, how long has this been hurting?" And well, just two days. So, we're good all around. I have antibiotics, but I still think swallowing fire would feel better than this. And she offered me Darvocet. Now, this is what integrated, online medication management is about, right? It says in my chart that I'm an alcoholic. It says right there, that codeine, benadryl and hydrocodone send me into a manic tither of which I am unable to recover without intense hospitalization. And she offers me Darvocet?! WTF? I said no. She countered with Tylenol 3, and I'm all, "Hello? Codeine?" and she was all, "Oh yeah." What do people who know nothing about their own health do? Seriously.

9 comments:

Malaise Inc said...

Tractor envy

Ink Spiller said...

"Know thyself" takes on a whole new meaning when in the care of some health professionals!

Get better Miss Kate. Spring is waiting for you out there!

Sparkling Red said...

I can't believe how ignorant some "health care providers" are. You really have to be on the ball. Some of them just don't bother to read charts at all, it seems. Scary!

I hope that iguana crawls far away very soonish.

melissalion said...

I have a mortal fear of doctors and their snake oil. So, in answer to your question, I know nothing about pills or whatever and tend to just suffer through. THAT'S FUN!

I'm so sorry you're sick. It will pass, I promise, and then you'll go right on enjoying the spring.

Kelly Hogaboom said...

I'm very sorry you're sick. I hope you feel better soon.

Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks said...

The photos and the sun make it look like such a lovely time.

If you have the Iguana infection, I have the baby iguana infection, because my head is still all kinds of congested.

clearness said...

So at one point I had a comment to make and I suppose it was witty in my own mind, but the phone rang and I had to schedule a physical therapy visit for my son for next week and I'm all at a loss, because I have no idea......it's gone.


BUT....you should have an 'ask me' day so people can send in questions about plastic surgery (You work in an office, right) and then ask you questions about infectious disease and stuff like that because you are so interested in stuff like that.....cause the world wants to know stuff, yo!

The Good Cook said...

1. Good for you for KNOWING what you can tolerate and what you can't.

Our first line of defense in our health is ourselves.

2. Better for you that you had the willpower and wherewithall to say NO, I can't have that... lot's of addicts would have failed that test...

3. tractor envy
4. off to read about the dinner you and cowgirl made..
5. GET BETTER!!!

Kristen said...

Dude, this sucks that you're sick like this.