Peace

7:53 AM Edit This 15 Comments »
I'm a little nervous about my trip. This is one of the things that I am forcing myself to do. Normally, I would say, "That's just too many people, too hot, too much face time. I'll pass." Because that's just How I Am. Well. I'm proud of me for signing up and trying something new. And guess what? Someone said to me the other day, "When you say that's just How I Am, that's something you need to take a big hard look at and see where it's limiting you and take some steps to change that behavior." And that hit. Hard. But kudos to me. I'd already taken some steps and we'll see how it all plays out, no?

In the midst of packing and making lists and vacuuming and doing laundry and dusting (Because I can't leave a dirty house. I can't. It's something my mother ingrained in me that I just can't undo.) I found a little time (well, more than a little based on my anxiety level) to spend in the garden last night. Because that's something that grounds me. Evens me out and forces me to breathe deeply of dirt and wind and green. And look what I found.
And then I looked around and found more. Barring a serious natural disaster (which is entirely possible. You should have SEEN the storm we had on Saturday night! WICKED rain and trees sideways and constant lightning for 45 minutes, green skies. It was bad.) we are going to have squash!
And as I sit by the garden, I peruse the peace that is our backyard and I breathe. And make another list. And calm comes.

15 comments:

Dingo said...

What a lovely yard and garden you have. No wonder you want to leave it. It 's great to have a nice place to come back to, it's also a good thing that you are getting out and not making your backyard paradise a beautiful prison.

buffalodick said...

The trip will do you good!

The Good Cook said...

I am excited for you. Adventure! Getting out of your comfort zone, stretching, exploring.. that is the stuff of life!

And the squash blossoms? Yum.. you an stuff the blossoms and eat them. Now don't get upset that every blossom doesn't have a squash behind it, there are male and female blossoms and only the females bear fruit. See that skinny stem on that one flower? There won't be any fruit on that one...

GreenCanary said...

CRAAAAAAAAAP! I say, "That's just how I am," all of the gosh darn time! I thought it was me being good and accepting of myself, but now? NOW?! Now it's limiting me? Good golly Miss Molly. Nertz.

But in other news... I'M COMING TO VISIT YOU! SOMETIME THIS YEAR! MAYBE THE EARLY FALL! Can I? Can I? I can because I love you and think you're one of my bestest friends, only I haven't actually met you yet. Anyhoo, we can make mojo-less mojitos (aka: no alcohol) and shoot the shit. It will be rad.

melissalion said...

That's how I am. I agree with the person who said that. I'm trying to figure out how I am. And trying to sort out this crap. Also, I'm being vague, but whatever. I love you however you are.

The Maiden Metallurgist said...

Looking good (and green)!

I love coming home from a trip to a clean house!

Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks said...

When you get to Texas, make sure to seek out a peaceful spot. Doesn't have to be your own personal garden. Might just be the far side of the hotel parking lot. But, maybe being able to spend a few, serene moments outside will help ground you on this trip that will otherwise push you outside your comfort zone!

Sparkling Red said...

Pretty squash blossoms!

Hmm. When I say "That's just how I am" it's most often at the end of a process whereby I've pushed myself outside of my comfort zone and found that the rewards were not worth the stress. I had to learn not to push myself so hard, because my attempts at being fearless were making me sick. But you know. That's just how I am.

Shelley said...

Good on ya for getting out of your comfort zone...you'll have a blast, I'm sure! And coming home to squash - how cool will that be???

Non Sequitur Chica said...

Mmmm that is going to be some good squash! Hopefully you aren't gone too long as they grow so quickly! We have had to pick ours literally every other day!

Lemon Gloria said...

The thing, lovely Kate, is that if it becomes too much in the moment, you can hide in your room for a bit, and give yourself some breathing room and time. Your motion is still forward. And you're blossoming!

clearness said...

I love that garden and your yard looks so green!

carrster said...

Yay for stepping outside of yourself! I'm very proud of you (and Can't wait to see you!!!!).

Lovely squash blossoms. I love squash.

Jeff D'Antonio said...

I missed your earlier post where you mentioned your trip, and just read it now. Is that the International AA Convention in San Antonio? I was at one of those about 10 years ago and had a wonderful time. It is amazing to meet people from all over the world who are just like us. And you hear so many incredible stories of hope and triumph. It is truly an unforgettable experience. Don't even THINK about hiding in your hotel room the whole time.

my33people said...

I've always thought that once I define myself I limit myself as well. I find it best to allow myself to be/do whatever I feel/think like in any given situation and not going with a pre-established a modus operandi for every situation. Good for you for stepping out of your comfort zone!