It really is going to be winter soon. I'm here to report that for the first time since May, I am wearing tights, closed toe shoes AND a wool sweater. I was digging through winter clothes bins in my underwear this morning in the cold dungeon room, looking for sweaters. Gah. I guess I'll have to do The Great Clothing Exchange and get out winter/pack away summer. Sundresses and flip flops no longer fit the bill. How did this happen? How?! We have rain and 50 mph winds today and tomorrow it is to snow. SNOW. And I have not yet located my ice scraper. My backseat is still full of blankets and sunhats for the beach! I've been living in denial.
Guess what? Carolyn says that I no longer need to see her. I mean, we've both known that for quite some time. She's kind of been a security blanket for the last year or so. There's really nothing left for me to "work on" in therapy. How about them apples? So, I'm going to continue seeing her through the bad anniversary days in December and if I weather them well, we will cease to visit on a regular basis. Now, this really is something to celebrate, but there's a tinge of fear involved as well. I have been in therapy for six years with her. I started out once a month, then twice a month and then all hell broke loose in my head and I was seeing her two or three times a week just to keep me out of the psychotel. (It didn't work, but we tried.) And then I got sober and we were meeting once a week, then every other week and now every three weeks. The woman pretty much knows every detail of my life. And to not have that to back me up on a regular basis is kind of daunting. I know it will be fine. I KNOW THIS. But today, as long as I acknowledge the fear and let it be what it is, that makes it a bit more manageable. So there. I'm scared, but hopeful.
This does not however, make me an optimist. So, you just hush up on that.