Therapy Tuesday

8:50 AM Edit This 13 Comments »
It really is going to be winter soon. I'm here to report that for the first time since May, I am wearing tights, closed toe shoes AND a wool sweater. I was digging through winter clothes bins in my underwear this morning in the cold dungeon room, looking for sweaters. Gah. I guess I'll have to do The Great Clothing Exchange and get out winter/pack away summer. Sundresses and flip flops no longer fit the bill. How did this happen? How?! We have rain and 50 mph winds today and tomorrow it is to snow. SNOW. And I have not yet located my ice scraper. My backseat is still full of blankets and sunhats for the beach! I've been living in denial.
 
Guess what? Carolyn says that I no longer need to see her. I mean, we've both known that for quite some time. She's kind of been a security blanket for the last year or so. There's really nothing left for me to "work on" in therapy. How about them apples? So, I'm going to continue seeing her through the bad anniversary days in December and if I weather them well, we will cease to visit on a regular basis. Now, this really is something to celebrate, but there's a tinge of fear involved as well. I have been in therapy for six years with her. I started out once a month, then twice a month and then all hell broke loose in my head and I was seeing her two or three times a week just to keep me out of the psychotel. (It didn't work, but we tried.) And then I got sober and we were meeting once a week, then every other week and now every three weeks. The woman pretty much knows every detail of my life. And to not have that to back me up on a regular basis is kind of daunting. I know it will be fine. I KNOW THIS. But today, as long as I acknowledge the fear and let it be what it is, that makes it a bit more manageable. So there. I'm scared, but hopeful.
 
This does not however, make me an optimist. So, you just hush up on that.
 


 

13 comments:

badmuthafudruckers.com said...

Yay for mental health!

Boo for snow!

I guess it evens out.

Helen said...

It's ok to be scared! But be proud too - look how far you've come. Plus, I'm sure you could call her any old time you need too, right?

I'd already done the clothing flip so you can imagine my HUGE excitement this morning when I found we've got an unusual warm front coming through... it was 64 degrees at 4:45 AM and I got to run in short sleeves. Yahoo!

TMC said...

Congratulations! You've worked hard and should be proud of this achievement.

Shelley said...

Your last line is awesome.

Carolyn will always be there for you, but it's nice that you are being set free - kind of like a baby bird on the edge of a nest. You'll be not only fine...you'll be GREAT.

Snow? At least the first snowfall is pretty, right?

melissalion said...

Congratulations!! That's amazing news! You can always go back for tune-ups, you know? I'm going to schedule a few of those for me too.

Jen said...

The winds are crazy here too and summer, well, it's long gone. I did my clothes swap some weeks ago actually, when we were hit with the first low 50s and 40s of the season. It reached 39 one cold morning there last week.
I'm liking them apples! Congrats! That truly is big and a cause for celebration. Dancing anyone? ;)

Kelly Hogaboom said...

You are taking it well... I'm sure it helps to know she's just a phone call away!

Hope you are staying warm... I'm not!

Cello Mama said...

You won't need Carolyn - you'll be too busy doing push-ups. They are a much cheaper form of therapy. Keep on keepin' on.

kilax said...

This is a great sign! I know it's hard to move away from seeing her as often, but you know she is there if you need her! (you won't ;))

The Good Cook said...

You, my dear, are one of the most centered people I know. You know you. And that is so, so good.
Congratulations!!! Yeah Good Head Kate!! And you know what? You can always go for "touch-ups".

So very proud of you my friend.

Lemon Gloria said...

You can always always call her and see her here and there. I do that in crisis and it's very helpful knowing I can. But it's also so good that you're at a point to fly! You're not alone, not on your own - you have so much support, whenever you need or even just want it.

justme said...

so excited for that big step. of course, she will always be there if you need her. but knowing that she knows that you are o.k. without seeing her on a regular basis...that is priceless. you have done such good work!

KT said...

I agree with Cello Mama- there will be no need for Carolyn because you are going to be too busy doing pushups and in a few weeks RUNNING again! :-)