Oh. How Much It Hurts

9:10 PM Edit This 14 Comments »
H. It was bad, Internet. Like, really bad. There were tears. There was shaking. There was uncontrollable breathing. Sigh. It was horrid. I had been talking to myself about it for days. "He isn't hurting me. He is helping me. These are different teeth. This is preemptive. This is a good thing. This will mean I am all done." sort of thing. The power of the mind is something I take very seriously. I work with my crazy, right?

So, it very much surprised me, when after the nice nurse had applied the topical numbing agent and told me to breathe several times through my nose while she was giving me massive amounts of Novocaine, that I completely lost it. I was wiping away tears behind the safety glasses that they wanted me to wear and listening to their active banter. And then I shot up on the bed and said, "I am having a panic attack."And started bawling and shaking and the tears were uncontrollable and the fact that I couldn't even get the tissues to my face was very disconcerting to me. That seemed to make to worse. That I couldn't make it stop. They talked to me. They tried to distract me with talking about my job. They were awesome. But there was nothing talking me off that ledge. They gave me some sort of shot, which I still don't know what it was, and then they hooked me up to the laughing gas. I was under the impression that they didn't even HAVE the gas, but apparently, because insurance doesn't pay for it, they just don't ever use it.

It helped some. If I wasn't an alcoholic, I suppose I would have enjoyed it, but I hated how it made me feel. The fact that I was willingly breathing in something that made me feel silly, made me feel insane. And that was a whole new level of acceptance in my life today. I wanted more of it and wanted it to take me to oblivion, but I fought that feeling. So much so that it failed to work.

Sigh.

It was awful. I'm just going to put that out there. It was awful. And the fact that I completely lost it prior to anything being done makes me feel even worse. I give a ton of kudos for those nurses for walking me through it.

But mom and dad were coming. And even though I looked liked I'd had a stroke with the numbness, we went downtown and surveyed some stores. We have the Big Christmas Exchange every year. They pick up presents from me and send them in the packages they are sending to my brother and sister. Here's Christmas at my house this year.
And while we were at the bookstore, my dad showed me this. It's like a huge Farmer's Almanac! How cool is that! I have already discovered that azeleas are poisonous to my cats. I didn't know that. Crazy! It also tells me how to make different kinds of cheese and home remedies for upset stomachs. I kind of love it.

14 comments:

Barefoot Neil Z said...

Gawd... I hate the dentist... but not that much.. wow. Maybe full anesthetic next time...LOL

mel said...

I'm proud of you!!! And impressed at how committed you are to being consistent with how you use medication. You are admirable.

Around here, some dentists advertise "painless" procedures. I think they knock you out?

Kelly Hogaboom said...

I am surprised they did not tune into your signals. I am glad they responded well. And I'm glad this is behind you!

I'm sad for how scary and awful it was. You are a brave woman. And you're all done!

Love that book... I want to get a home veterinary book like it, for caring for my four cats. Too damned expensive going to the vet all the time!

Helen said...

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. But you ARE a survivor in so many ways and you just proved it again. You know that photo of Christmas at your house make my heart go pitter-patter, right?

justme said...

ugh, what an experience...but you just can't help it, it just happens. i'm so glad you are over that and that the people at the office were SO nice and understanding. put it away in the past and have a great time with the Christmas fun!

melissalion said...

That looks like a great book! Also, you are done with the dentist for a while. You took care of yourself and that's what you need to focus on. You took care of your health.

Sue Ellen Mishkey said...

I'm pretty sure I'm the odd (wo)man out as I kind of like going to the dentist. Even though the needles sting, I just think that this trip is going to make my mouth look nicer and put me out of any pain I may be feeling.

Also, I think it's crazy that they'd rather someone eat pills than whip out the nitrous oxide. At least with the gas the effect gone in minutes.

Anyway, good for you for getting through it, and being pro-active enough to realize that you should use up those amazing benefits before you leave.

Shelley said...

I'm sorry I didn't think to say this BEFORE your ordeal (great timing, I gots it), but when any narcotic or anesthesia is administered under medical supervision for a REAL issue, it's completely acceptable to surrender to it...you are not meant to be put through a painful procedure with no relief. As long as you've told your sponsor (and the internets, lol), you are being honest and open about it, and that's perfectly fine. Hopefully there won't be a next time, but in case there is, please allow yourself more comfort.

clearness said...

I am in love with your sweet little tree!

Summer said...

Two things I hate in life.

1. The dentist.
2. Laughing gas.

Kristen said...

I hate the dentist. I had to have a ton of gum graft surgery where they saw the roof of your mouth off and then sew it around your teeth so your teeth don't fall out. My gums receeded when I was pregnant with Charlotte and I had to have it fixed in stages.

HOLY CRAP DID THAT SUCK!

I know how hard it was for you to go through all that. Oh how I know. But you're okay, so that's wonderful. Good for you for showing up at all. Lots of people wouldn't have had the courage to do that.

carrster said...

Ugh - I hate the dentist too. hATE. But I go & endure because the thought of something REALLY BAD happening sends me over the edge. I usually leave a regular appointment/cleaning with crescent shape nail marks in the backs of my hands (not the last time though as Dahlia was with me & I had to 'act' bravely...).

That being said - I'M PROUD OF YOU! But I agree that it's okay to surrender - especially for something like the dentist!

Love your tree & I miss you.

kilax said...

You poor thing! What a scary situation. Be proud you made it through!

I love your tree and all the presents!

Can do mom said...

Sorry about your dentist ordeal. I don't hate the dentist but I don't love going either. After my cancer/hysterectomy/chemo ordeal I'm pretty good at gritting my teeth and getting through the yucky stuff.

BUT, if you put me in an enclosed space, I'd be right there with you. I'd never had a panic attack until two summers ago when our family took a mine tour. Heck, I was the one who really wanted to do it and then when we got further and further underground, well, I just about lost it. Very scary. I hope you don't have to go through anything like that again (the dentist I mean) for a looong time.

Cool book! In fact, I have that book. I like books like that, snippets of facts and information. Sam's Club was selling it and I couldn't resist. But you already know that I have a hard time resisting books, don't you? Well, now you do. Heh heh...

Hope tomorrow is AWESOME for you!