Out Among the English

9:20 AM Edit This 7 Comments »
It's pouring rain. Yes, rain. And the minute the temperature drops, it's going to get ugly icy. I'm stuck again! I was going to go to my mom and dad's for my birthday on Sunday, but noooo.... The weatherman doesn't see fit. At least I'm going to get a bunch of snow out of the deal, right? And here's the funny thing. I'm not one to run to the grocery store and buy out the milk and bread. I mean seriously, milk and bread? What are you going to do? Eat dry toast and drink milk while you watch the snow come down? But that's all everyone buys and the bread aisle is bare before noon. That just strikes me as awfully strange. If I was panicking about being stuck in my house for the weekend, I'd be all frozen pizzas and cheetos and doritos and sliced cheese and crackers and cookies and stuff for cheese dip and cocktail weiners. Who wants to eat toast? I'm not panicking, but I do have to go to the grocery store. I really only have a half a jar of salsa, leftover split pea soup and some almond milk. If I rooted through the cupboards, I'm pretty sure I could find stuff to eat. I'm certain I would not starve. But who wants to be snowed in without cheese? Not me.
So, out among the peoples. The humanity. I've told you I'm an introvert, right? Being out and about exhausts me, especially so with a bunch of crazy lunatics buying out the bread and milk. But I have a little secret. You know all those people that rush to the grocery and then they're all hateful and mean and shoving carts into one another and jostling in line? I KNOW that's what it's going to be like, so instead of joining them, I turn it into an opportunity for incredible people watching. I usually hum songs to myself and smirk while I'm watching, too. And sometimes a little kid will catch on that these people are being insane and start pointing and laughing at their bad behavior and that gives me great glee. I just stand there and when someone shoves past me in line, I just let them. Because what else are you going to do? This is where I start to feel a little superior to mankind. Yes. Superior. There. I said it.
So, all you mean grocery-getters?
I'm going to be watching you. While I'm humming and pointedly looking in awe at your gruesome behavior.
Then I'm going home to eat cheese. You have fun with that milk and bread.


Helen said...

We were just talking about this on the day after Christmas when the blizzard came our way. It was the day we spread Pam's ashes and also the day the blizzard hit here. As we headed back home, we had to drive by the grocery store. The parking lot was packed. We were having a BLIZZARD with very high winds and the weather folks were warning about possible power outages. Why you gonna go by milk and MEAT (because that's the other thing people around here buy) when you might lose power? So silly.

So, no. I'm not a mean grocery getter. I stay as far away as possible. Living in Zambia for 4 years and having to cook almost everything from scratch made me the cook I am today. I'm pretty sure I have enough stuff for at least a month... including the ingredients to make my own bread!

clearness said...

We've never gone to the grocery store before an ice storm and we somehow manage to eat food during our entire time snowed in....which is never more than a day or two!

lacochran's evil twin said...

You should totally put your fingers up and pretend you're crushing their heads. (Best thing to come out of Kids in the Hall, IMHO)

kelly.marshall330 said...

The folks around here include eggs. My dad always says 'what? is everyone making french toast?!'

I try to stay away from the store when it gets so packed!

Kristin said...

For hurricanes we stock up on beer and junk food. HA! I hope you aren't stuck with the nasty weather too long!

Shelley said...

Milk, bread, water and coffee are the things that disappear immediately when a hurricane warning comes our way. I am a fun food person - if my power goes out, I want chips and candy, not stupid coffee and bread, lol!

Hunker down and enjoy your cheese!

CatKrny said...

The first snow of the season here came on a weekend, and apparently everyone decided to make soup. The broth section at the grocery store was down to almost nothing.