I May Die

11:05 AM Edit This 12 Comments »
Part of the reason for the emotional meltdown on Saturday and Sunday could be the fact that I have come down with Crissy's Monkey Plague. When I don't physically feel well, my head tends to give in to the crazies. All day yesterday was, sneeze, sneeze, blow nose, owie my ears hurt, oh and my whole body hurts, hacking coughing and hot and cold. If you are physically well, I hate you.

I have a bazillionty hours of sick time to use up, so I figured a good day in bed will cure me. Only when I woke up, it was ALL SYSTEMS FAIL because I couldn't pee and when I did, it hurt. A lot. And that only means one thing. So, after Therapy Tuesday (which I couldn't miss since the calvary got called in on Sunday night to soothe the voices and if I don't show up, I'll get the crazy police after me and I'm NOT going there.) I call my doctor's office and believe it or not (I love my doctor) I can come in immediately. I pee in a cup, I listen to the nurse, "Blahbitty Blah blah, you should quit smoking, blahbitty blah blah your blood pressure is very high, blah blah, pee in a cup and be sure to wipe front to back, yadda yadda yadda." Then the good doctor comes in and announces that I have a urinary tract infection, pokes and prods at my stomach and then tells me I probably have a kidney stone and did I know that's the worst pain known to man, as I'm wincing while he's palpating my innards. Could the day get any better?

The day gets better. Yes, it does. I pick up the medicine and as I'm reading the possible side effects, I see what I'm up against.

this medicine may cause serious lung problems....
may cause drowsiness or dizziness....
the medicine may color the urine brown.....
moderate to severe diarrhea....
headache, gas, nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite (SWEET!)
blurred vision, joint or muscle pain, tingling or numbness in fingers or toes....
Bloody or black tarry stools, bluish skin or nails, chest pain, confusion...
depression, mood or mental changes.... (GREAT)
unusual bruising or bleeding, blistered or peeling skin...

And of course, I'm already short of breath and feeling dizzy and bluish and freaking the fuck out just because I can. They're trying to kill me.

12 comments:

Ben said...

:S Awful. All of it.

Feel...better?

I don't think that quite cuts it given the circumstances.

saratogajean said...

Brown urine?

And who knew you could catch the Monkey Plague from Wild Monkey Sex?!?

CatKrny said...

Maybe you shouldn't read lists of side effects. I know where you're coming from on the pain thing. I had a kidney stone when I was pregant with Brogan. It is worse than labor; it really is.

Holly said...

The doctor who 'treated' my kidney stone (which passed while waiting to f'in get in b/c I was in college and they do not believe in being well staffed at the college clinic on campus thankyouverymuch) told me that passing it cold and NOT passing out meant I would be able to handle childbirth pretty easily. I feel your pain.

Hope it passes quickly!

Dingo said...

Too bad Halloween is over. With all those side effects, you could've gone as a zombie.

I've had kidney stones. You know what's worse? Um, well, nothing.

Feel better soon, girlie!

Dingo said...

I meant too bad the Halloween party is over. Although, the way this week is going, I really thought it was November -- longest week ever. Oh wait, it's only Tuesday?

t2ed said...

This is all the result of the powerful monkey lobby.

Shania said...

I think I would use up all bazillion hours of sick time and not get out of bed until it was over!

Kristen said...

Oh you poor baby!

I'm so sorry you're so miserable. Can gay boyfriend take care of you?

Sweetly Single said...

~hugs~ hope you feel better really soon... get lots of rest and drink lots of fluids!!

Megkathleen said...

Ack, that sounds horrid! I'm sorry - I have heard that kidney stones are incredibly painful.

I hope you feel better soon!!

stoogepie said...

Damn monkeys and their damn plagues.

Isn't frostbite more painful than kidney stones? And I hear that having your clitoris pierced is way up there on the pain scale, too. So, I'm thinking that frostbite on your newly pierced clitoris is almost certainly worse than kidney stones.

I hope you're all better.