What Do YOU Needlessly Carry Around?

9:26 AM Edit This 19 Comments »
Remember that game you played at third grade birthday parties where they'd put a bunch of junk on a cookie sheet and let you look at it for a minute, then cover it up and make you write down all the things you remembered seeing? Do you? Please tell me you do, or I'll be convinced yet once again that my childhood was horribly warped and twisted.

Let's play another version of it. Okay? Let's look in my purse. This is Fall Purse Number One. Of second hand store $4 fame. It's classy. Yes it is. Plenty of room for crap, and I can tuck my recovery book into it when I need to. I like that in a purse.
Doesn't look too full, does it?
Oops! There is it. Everything in all it's glory. And for you peoples that think you are going to steal my identity? I whited out the important stuff on my Driver's License. And I haven't lived at that address for years. Actually, the house has been demolished. So there.

Let's look a little closer. The pink pens are Roller Dollz pens - they're the inkiest around, plus they advertise our local Roller Derby team, which I love to watch. And the other brown pen? It advertises breast implants. Hey, I work for a plastic surgeon. It's all good. Gotta have a lighter and my 24 hour recovery chip, see that white thing in the middle of a hair tie? That's it. Those random earrings? I still don't have pierced ears, so the clip ons that I use? They get taken off and thrown in there after about five hours. That's all I can take. And please notice the car keys with the gym membership card attached. Have I been to the gym in the last three months? No. But I like to advertise that I still belong. Makes me somewhat fit. And that gold lipstick? It's about ten years old. Yuck.
Random keys. No idea what they're for, but I keep them in there just in case I need to open a magic door or something. My sad, sad cell phone. It's had a hard life, yes it has. The butterfly barrette? I don't know. I like it. It's pretty. Burt's Bees chapstick and patchouli rose wax perfume? I had to get them when I was on vacation. I can't think that I've used them since I've been home.And every woman's favorite. A stash of super plus tampons interspersed with cigarettes and a parking permit. For the time of the month when you say, "I have my period so don't fuck with me, I need a cigarette and I will park wherever I goddamn well please thankyouverymuch."

And the rest? Inhaler for when the wheezies get me from smoking too many cigarettes, my wallet, a calendar that only has psychiatric appointments penciled in, a random piece of paper with a saying from the Big Book on it and mints. For that moment when you just might want to kiss someone after all that smoking.
And that's it my friends. Now look away and try to remember it all. What do YOU carry in your purse?


Ben said...

Tampons and cigarettes? You are Carrie Bradshaw.

P.S. the word verification has STD in it. Tee hee.

saratogajean said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
saratogajean said...

I played this game last night and I was a little embarassed. Some one had a headache? I pull out my bottle of 500 Ibuprofen tablets. Hungry? I've got trailmix. And some travel toothpaste.

P.S. My word verification has "bj" in it.

coconutgirl said...

this is awesome. if i were to do this, i'd have to do a separate post for my work bag and purse-purse. i carry around so much crap, but i have plans to minimize starting in january, oh yes i do.

ok, my word verification has 'flu' in it. what, is the universe on to me or something? *shakes fist*

Sweetly Single said...

hmm good one sad part is I actually had to look!

A notebook
my keys with a large silver heart keychain and my passcard for the front door
My lunch - today is miso mushroom soup and fresh corn bread
My Book - Ann-Marie McDonald's Fall on Your knees
pill case,
soft lips vanilla mint chapstick and Dr. Pepper chapstick
A Kashi Dark Cherry Chocolate bar
My mp3 player
my water bottle
and what should be a container of cut up orange.... but it exploded

At least now it smells of oranges in my office!!

lacochran's evil twin said...

Yes, we played this game when I was a kid.

Tampons and cigarettes but no chocolate? Seems out of balance.

Favorite quote: "Of magic doors there is this: you do not see them even as you are passing through."

So you don't need the keys. An old credit card for sliding in between the frame and the lock, that's a different thing. I, too, resist throwing out old keys but I don't carry them around in my purse.

Finally, my word ver has "ciq", which is a pretty sick spelling.

Anonymous said...

OMG those pens are the BEST! I ordered like 500 of them for work (I work in the marketing department at a college) and I have two of them in front of me right now and about 4 in my purse.

I also have about five or six pairs of earrings from when I sleep over at BE's house and take them off before going to bed. Hehee . . .

Megkathleen said...

I always have a book, too many lip glosses, food of some sort, receipts from probably three years ago and, well, it's a complete mess.

t2ed said...

Luckily, I don't have to carry either a purse or a manbag.

Money Clip

In my backpack.

I will confess to obsessively travelling with a black Sharpie marker. I figure if the plane is going down, at least I can't write something pithy on my arm for when they find the body.

CatKrny said...

You should get your ears pierced. I was 18 when I did it. I fainted and my best friend didn't seem at all concerned. She just shrugged and said, "I dunno; she just does this." Good times.

Bridget said...

Thank you. This is one of my favorite voyeuristic pleasures-looking in other people's purses. It makes me happy. But I have one question. How many broken cigarettes do you find each week? :)

Cello Mama said...

Purse? What purse?

While I love motherhood and all its challenges and rewards, carrying a diaper bag instead of a purse is a major drawback. It's not sexy or cool. It's extremely utilitarian and pretty much the only things of mine that fit in there are my wallet and cellphone. Nary a lipgloss in sight. :-(

Arjewtino said...

I didn't understand a single thing in this post.

GreenCanary said...

The bottom two inches of my purse are full of change. I jingle-jangle when I walk. Woot! Other purse items: digital camera, three check books, wallet, package of Orbit gum, business card holder (complete with business cards), pair of sunglasses, prescription medication, MAC Studio Fix, MAC Lipglass, Lancombe lipstick in Apricot Fizz, Almay blemish concealing stick, Burt's Bees Replenishing Lip Balm, eye drops, keys, Clinique's All About Lips, tube of Lancombe's Juicy Tubes (in Miracle), and about 4 million bobby pins.

Funny thing about all of that? I have a whole lotta lip product in there, but my lips are usually naked.

E said...

LOVE the bag. I never get deals like that.
And yes we all played the game too.
But where's the all important emergency chocolate????

Matt said...

HAHA, I love the cheesy smile on your drivers liscence.

Holly said...

i too remember playing said game. i am in the midst of throwing my purse out the damn door as it has decided to eat things as of late. i swear there were gap and macy's coupons in there a week ago.

contents include:
cell phone
a myriad of pens
a myriad of even more lip glosses
my burts bees lip palm (which is the only thing i actually put on my lips)
hair binders and bobby pins
a note pad in case i need to jot down gift ideas
diaper coupons (how hip am i???)
nail clipper & file
shout wipes
pill package
toy train ms. c enjoys carrying around

stoogepie said...

I carry around moleskines. You should get one! I carry the ones with the graph paper because they are great for doodling and jotting down thoughts, and they are just fun.

Aside from that, my backpack is pretty much stuffed to the gills with cigarettes and tampons.

rudecactus said...

As much as I'd like to play, I don't carry a purse ;)