Therapy Tuesday - The Walking Dead Edition

9:19 AM Edit This 13 Comments »
On Sunday night, I went to Tallgrass to hang out for a bit. It was a dreary day, I had been working with a new gal out there and the food is fantabulous, so I volunteer around mealtime. I'm selfless like that. Plus, I'm fighting off the deep depression and anger that the holidays seem to bring to me. I needed my posse.

As I walked in the door, the Walking Dead was coming up the stairs in his coat - getting ready to go out and have a cigarette. I followed.

WD has been through treatment five times I think; twice through Tallgrass, and can't seem to get more than six months strung together. I found out last week that he'd gone back out and finally gave in and went to county detox. When the DTs were over, he headed back to Tallgrass. I took one look at him and said, "You know you're going to die, right?" And he said, "Yep." So I gave him a big hug and held him just a little longer than I should have. He looked just like Jason did right before he died. Gray skin; pasty and sweaty. Red rashes on his hands and neck. You can tell his body has started to shut down. But then I looked in his eyes and saw what really killed my soul. He's given up the fight.

Some people get beaten down by their alcoholism and become willing to do anything to get better. Some people have been beaten down so much that they're just done. Done fighting. And they give in to the disease and they die. I remember the night Jason sat on my couch and told me he was done fighting. And he never lost that look of utter defeat in his eyes until the day he lay in his coffin.

The Walking Dead are among us and it hurts my heart.

13 comments:

saratogajean said...

Oh, Kate. This hurts my heart, too.

BrianAlt said...

I think you need to remember this. You're good! Others, not so good!

Nilsa said...

Wow. This is heavy. You see the truth, call WD out on it and still were supportive in the end. You are amazing.

t2ed said...

Screw Tallgrass. Come to Cirque in Utah. It's where all the stars do their rehab.

I like to hang out just over the fence line with a bottle of vino for the parolees. Like shooting fish in a barrel. It's how I hooked up with Lohan btw.

Dingo said...

Kate, I am so sorry. But I am also grateful that you recognize the Walking Dead and that you refused to become one.

Malaise Inc said...

Despair is hard to observe and harder to walk away from. But, your heart and your head must be in your own fight. You keep fighting.

Daisee579 said...

My initial thought was the same as Saratogajean's.

You have the unique perspective of being able to recognize this sad state of shutting down - one that not many of us has. I continue to admire your strength and your big heart to help people that many others might just walk on by.

P.S. I made your enchiladas again last night. SOOOO yummie. Thank you for bringing them into my life :)

Megkathleen said...

It hurts my heart too. I'm so glad you're different and have the will to live.

Holly said...

Whew. This made me think of my grandfather. You hit it right on the head.

Please, never let yourself become like the WD. You have way too much to give this world.

JoLee said...

There is just something about your blog that I sincerely admire. The raw honesty and openness you show is truly amazing. Keep it up b/c I'm really enjoying what I'm reading.

Maxie said...

It's just...so sad. I'm sorry you had to see him like that but at least you can know you're not at that point anymore.

Christian said...

That's a funny profile pic, Maxie, given the nature of this post. lol

gkgirl said...

:(