Back in the Saddle Again

8:20 AM Edit This 29 Comments »
Okay, I took a break from the online dating world (or any dating world for that matter) over the holidays. I just couldn't do it. In fact, I didn't WANT to do it. It takes energy to meet new people. And I was tired. But I figure if I want the relationship, I have to keep trying. Hrmph. So. I need your help. Here's what's on my profile. Please read, please suggest changes and please - if you know the perfect man, send him to my blog.

about me:
If you're shy - don't bother, I need someone strong to complement me! I'm independent, opinionated and some people would call me intimidating, but that's who I am and to be any different would be a tragedy. Because I'm tall and educated, I want someone to dwarf me physically, emotionally and educationally. I guess to keep in me check! I've got a softness of emotion about me that I share with those I love - I've spent a lot of time trying to get over my emotions, but now I tend to embrace them. With that said, I tend to do everything in my life intensely. I have a vibrancy that I have yet to see matched, and that's what I'm looking for. Have a life! Live your life! And then bring me along for the fun!
for fun:
My favorite summer activity is camping with friends. I'm a tent camper, and have all the goods for a great long weekend outdoors. Reading and listening to music come in a close second, but I can do those WHILE camping, so that's a terrific bonus!
my job:
I work for a surgeon.
my ethnicity:
I'm an Irish German. I love my pale skin and bright blue eyes. Burning in the sun? Not so much.
my religion:
My spiritual life is very important to me. I spend quite a bit of time reading and reflecting, but I'm not a big church goer.
favorite hot spots:
People say Sioux Falls has nothing to do. I'm out to prove them wrong! There are so many little restaurants, concerts, activities, speakers, hiking trails and more out there to explore. That's my favorite thing to do - find something new!
favorite things:
I love little town celebrations! Whether they're celebrating strawberries, some sort of meat, their heritage, or a special drink, I just like people watching and little towns are the place to do that! That, and cooking. Trying new recipes always!
last read:
"Broken" by William Moyers. It's a true story of addiction and recovery. Very moving. '

And then there's various and sundry pictures of me. You all know what I look like by now, so no need to attach them. I have the feeling there's too many exclamation points in my summary. Phht. I'm no good at this.


saratogajean said...

Exclamation points are fun!

I have to give you kudos because this profile actually sounds like you. Well, the blog you I feel like I know.

buffalodick said...

I've been married so long, any advice I have should be avoided...

Summer said...

I don't believe you can ever have TOO many exclamation points.

It's honest and refreshing. If somebody doesn't snatch you up, they're a fool. Well that kinda sounded a little Cold Case, didn't it. Not snatch up... but see what an amazing and hot Chickie you are! And the sundry photos will accentuate that!

SoMi's Nilsa said...

So I have to preface this with telling you I was an online dating junkie for years ... during which time I learned a lot.

First order of business - focus on the positive and skip the negative. I love your About Me section, but I'd probably start off with something a little more positive. Get rid of If you're shy - don't bother, I need someone strong to complement me! By reading the rest of that paragraph, I'd be surprised if anyone shy would contact you. =)

The rest of your profile is honest and really looks great. Good luck with this ... and like the rest of your life, HAVE FUN!

SoMi's Nilsa said...

PS - My online dating junkiness led to meeting the man who is now my husband. So, it does work. I have faith in the system!

BrianAlt said...

"Because I'm tall and educated, I want someone to dwarf me physically, emotionally and educationally."

You want someone that dwarfs you physically? You always talk about how you look like a giant next to your friends. And you want a guy that's shorter? I don't see it.

You want someone that dwarfs you emotionally? I'm not sure what that means. You're an emotional person. Perhaps dwarfing you emotionally means LESS emotional, then I can see that. More emotional? I think that would be adding oxygen to a burning building.

You want someone that dwarfs you educationally? Well, that means you want someone with less education, that much is clear. But, why? Don't you want someone witty that can engage you? Challenge you? Or you want someone with street smarts but no education? No, I don't see that as such a good thing. But then again, I'm highly educated and probably biased.

I like how forward you are. It feels like you're stating, HERE IS WHO I AM, TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT. And I think that's a good thing.

So, the rest of it I like, but that beginning sentence just has me stumped.

Kate said...

Okay, BrianAlt - you read that sentence completely opposite of what I intended. I want someone Taller, More educated and More emotionally stable than me. So, if you read it that way, then maybe I need to write it differently.

Kristen said...

I'm with Nilsa. Nobody shy would ever have the balls to respond to this description of you.

And I'd ditch some of the exclamation points.

And maybe not mention anything about being emotional. Some people might not read that right. Maybe it's something to discuss on the third or fourth date?

I've never done the online dating thing so it's all new to me. If I meet a nice fella I'll be sure to send him your way!

Dingo said...

I was going to comment on the About Me section and then realized that BrianAlt had the same thoughts. I would definitely re-write that part so that it says what you really mean and what you stated in your response to BrianAlt.

Also, I definitely wouldn't start out with a negative. I think your strength and personality and what you want and don't want come through loud and clear with the rest of your profile. I don't think you need the "don't let the door hit you on the way out" in the first sentence.

Kate said...

Whoo Hoo!!! I'm finally getting some suggestions. My friends that have read it just tell me it's "fine," when I know it's NOT FINE. Yippity Skippity! Keep it coming!

BrianAlt said...

Great! I figured you wanted, "someone Taller, More educated and More emotionally stable than," you. Yeah, it definitely comes off the opposite of that to me, and it looks like Dingo agrees.

I also like the comment about not being negative. Never try to sell yourself in a negative way.

About being shy. Most people describe me as shy. I come off as socially shy (I know most of you are laughing right now, but shush for a second :P ). I'm not shy at work and if a coworker is told by a social friend that I'm shy they laugh (they've actually laughed at my wife when she told them that!). It's not so much that I'm shy in social situations, it's more that I'm reserved and quiet. Which obviously comes off as shy.

Here's the thing, I would have no problems answering your ad. My wife's a talker, I'm a listener. I suspect you're a talker too. I find that appealing.

As for tallER, well, I'm 5'11" is that close enough?

Oh, and I'm married. I think I've mentioned that. Does that count?

justjp said...

As a fellow soldier in the online feild, it sucks and is quite random. I have found that it is all crap upfront; seriously, how can one represent themselves in a few lines.

Let's just say I happy to know I am not the strangest person out there.

saratogajean said...

I can’t find your email address on your blog either because I’m blind or retarded, or it’s not posted, but here are your 5 questions. I’ve recycled a couple from Andy because they were fun to answer, and I’ve added a few of my own.

1. What is an embarrassing high school moment you’ve lived through?

2. What is your favorite nickname someone else has given you?

3. Which blogger would you be absolutely pee-your-pants excited about meeting IRL?

4. You find an old oil lamp at a pawn shop marked $20; you haggle the proprietor down to $10 and buy it. After you bring it home and rub it (just for shits and giggles), a genie comes out. He tells you he is the pantry genie, and can bewitch your pantry to always be fully stocked, but only with the ingredients for one dish. Which one dish do you tell him to stock it up with? What are the ingredients? Can I have that lamp when you are done with it? (I know this is technically 3 questions. I apologize. The pantry genie gets me excited.)

5. Who would win in a fight between a unicorn and Dateline NBC’s Chris Hansen? (Keep in mind: the unicorn is abnormally strong, has a razor-sharp horn, and can fly; Chris Hansen has the power to read minds and also has a pet phoenix whose tears can heal any wound.) Explain.

Malaise Inc said...

Your job description may be too detailed if you don't want some creepy stalker guy tracking you down.

I'm not going to get into the "more educated" thing. We've gone around on that topic before.

Just A Girl said...

I don't know how people read the "dwarfs" thing how they did - I totally got what you meant because that's the correct word choice and grammar.

I do agree that online dating can be a bunch of crap upfront, but once you start talking to someone, it's usually pretty easy to weed out the losers.

Daisee579 said...

I tried the online thing a bit in college and law school, but gave it up because I seemed to only attract pyschos who wanted me to kick a deer carcass that his friend saw or wanted to have crazy sex with me. So take my advice with a grain of salt. My brother, sister, and dad have all done the online thing with a lot of success. Ultimately, as you know, you have to kiss a lot of frogs...

I agree with everyone about adjusting your profile to not sound so negative. I have a hard time listing positives about myself, which may be why I wasn't good at writing my own ads. The folks above me have given you some good ideas, though. I agree about taking out some of the talk about being emotional, if only because some guys equate emotional with train-wreck or psycho or crazy or whatever. Just like you didn't mention the ex-fiance or the AA stuff in there, you might want to skim through some of that - plus it gives you things to talk about in later dates. As a "stalker" myself (haha), I might have an easy time tracking you down with your job description, so if you don't want folks to find you easily, you might want to make that a bit more vague. I love your attitude and your spunk, too. It makes you sound super fun - which any guy should want :)

Good luck!! Too bad I don't know any good guys up your way, or I'd totally hook you up :)

Sparkling Red said...

The only thing that jumped out at me was the phrase, in the Favourite Things section, "some sort of meat". It made me stop and think about what kinds of meat a town might celebrate, and that was distracting. Just to keep the flow I'd eliminate that one thing - a list of 3 possibilities is enough. The rest looks good to me.

BrianAlt said...

True about the "dwarf" comment being gramatically correct. "Someone TO dwarf me," does mean, "someone that I become a dwarf next to." However, that doesn't mean it's clear.

Matt said...

I have to agree with Nilsa too.

you should write this:

About Me: You probably already know me. Seriously, on the internet I am some what of a big deal.

Plus I can cook.

and clean.

Sweetly Single said...

ok... first I have to say... I only do this out of love...and appreciation for who you are.
Cudos for writing something so completely open... I know how challenging that can be...

To open with the line... if you're shy- don't bother.... well it's starting as very negative... guys generally don't like negative. Maybe stick that somewhere in the middle.... or reword it with something like... "I am a vibrant, energetic and passionate lady who isn't afraid to express herself and is looking for someone who can either rise to the challenge or keep me on my toes and who isn't afraid to say it like it is"

Remember how you always tell me that a person who can't spell drives you crazy.... hunny... complement? REALLY? it's actually compliment.

To find someone who will dwarf you....I'm not sure. Are you looking for a partner or a person who will Dominate you? I know that was the trend you used to follow while dating and I don't think that it is so much a terrible thing... but you might want to re-think that approach.

"Have a life! Live your life! nice until you reach the whole... bring me along for the fun. It sort of sounds like you don't have one. How about...We all have lives we are leading and to find someone to share the fun with would be awesome

Last read: I'm not sure if you know this...that book...the author... admitted to Oprah that it was all fiction. It is a great book don't get me wrong...but it is a fictional tale. Perhaps one that isn't too far from your own real-life tale.

Otherwise... I could only wish that I could write about myself half as well as you did!! I hope these things have helped... because I strongly believe you are an incredible catch and shouldn't be overlooked any longer.

Feel free to email me a hate letter if you want!

Malaise Inc said...

I need to disagree with one thing. If you want someone to be a good match for you, complement (not compliment) is the right word. However, if you just want someone to tell you how wonderful you are, then go with compliment.

And, as far as the comment about having to kiss alot of frogs: food for thought.

lacochran said...

I'd start the "About Me" section with something about you, not about what you're looking for.

Also, you can not overuse the word "sexy" in a profile. Just sayin...

Megkathleen said...

I think it sounds good. I love how straightforward you are about what you don't want. Only towards the end does it seem that there are too many exclamation points. I'm with Kristen too - I might take out the emotional part, they can figure that out later.

Jules said...

I think the profile has good spirit but I agree with previous comments that suggested removing or rewriting the items that come across as negative.

I also would suggest using the exclamation points more sparingly. A writer I know once told me that using a lot of exclamation points is like laughing at your own jokes. And I think that if you use them heavily they lose their punch and just become distracting.

On a side note, is Sweetly Single perhaps thinking of "A Million Little Pieces"? Or did another author come forward and admit he lied?

Good luck with your quest - I really hope you find what you're looking for.

Sweetly Single said...

My mistake; I was under the impression that to find someone who at first was a good compliment to you and your lifestyle would come before finding someone who completes you.

Christian said...

Sweetheart, your first sentence tells guys to move on to another profile. lol.

When I was single and used to browse profiles I would skip those in which there were too many criteria for potential suitors. If it came across as, "I want this but not this, and this but not this" I would just move on to the next one. An online dating profile is meant to attract people, not push them through a seive.

Having said that, your "about me" section should just be your last 4 sentences, (starting with "I have a vibrancy..."). The rest of your profile is someone I would want to meet. Best of luck!

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

tangibletraveler is a much better example.

carrster said...

Holy Balls. Lots of suggestions! I think that's why I never ask anyone's opinion! Good luck, chica. Hey, the online dating things work. I'm married to mine! :)