Will and Grace on the Prairie

7:46 AM Edit This 17 Comments »
I have been living with Gay Boyfriend for over a year now. Apparently I'm the longest lasting renter he's ever had. Must be my fabulousness, no? This works for us. It really does. I adore him to a point and he can put up with my mental breakdowns to a point. Which is why the fact that I can live here completely separately from him is a very good thing. I just go downstairs and lock the door. We have mostly separate lives. THAT'S the key.

However, there's always singing and dancing on the smoking porch; we do our own version of the Copacabana complete with the slapping and the killing. (I'm Lola. Just so we're clear on that.) He eats my cooking concoctions and fixes stuff. He rubs my feet when I'm crying because for some really wanked out reason, it works. I can give him The Look and say "You need to tone down The Gay." when he's obviously annoying everyone around him and he laughs at me when I get upset over little things like my car being out of alignment. AND he forced me. Yes, forced me, to watch Priscilla Queen of the Desert one rainy fall afternoon. And when I went to see Spamalot and Lancelot came out and it was ALL Priscilla Queen of the Desert and I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe, I was so thankful. Because people who hadn't seen that movie, didn't REALLY get it in the play and THAT made it even MORE funny!

He's told me from the beginning that 30 is the Gay Death. That if he doesn't have a steady relationship by the time he's 30, he's pretty sure he's lost his shot at love. He's 29. The panic is setting in. I don't necessarily agree, but it's something he's got in his head that I can't dissuade. I've told HIM from the beginning that if I don't get married and have a baby by the time I'm 40, I'll never be a mother. He pulls out all kinds of statistics about older birth mothers, but frankly, I just plain don't think I'd have the energy after that.

We've joked about having a baby together. We laughingly tell people that if I'm not married by the time I'm 40, we're totally doing it. I mean, NOT doing it, but doing IT. There's no way his pocus is going anywhere near my hocus. NO. We're agreed on THAT. It's still at the laughable stage, but it's an option that we're both slightly serious about. But here's the thing. If we had a baby, I wouldn't get to decide who would be daddy number two. And THAT is yuck. Total yuck. Just another thought that hit me last night when Current Boyfriend came down for a bandaid and was bleeding all over my carpet. Blech.

17 comments:

Sweetly Single said...

I'll have a baby with you! Oh wait... that might not work... let's wait til we no longer need men for procreation.....oh wait...

carry on! I need coffee to jump start brain cells.

Kristen said...

Perhaps once he becomes your babydaddy he will take things more seriously and be more discriminating with the fellas he chooses to date.

He won't have as much time to ride the party train...

buffalodick said...

Not a lot of people live in South Dakota, do they? Just kiddin'!

SoMi's Nilsa said...

1) My gay brother is father to a baby with two lesbian mothers. It's an amazing little family that I'm honored and lucky to be a part of.

2) YOU STOLE MY FRIDAY FUN! That photo is awesome. I'm posting one tomorrow!

saratogajean said...

If I don't have a baby by the time I'm 40 I'm celebrating and getting another dog.

Lemmonex said...

My gay BF and I have the same arrangement. We already have a name picked out for him: Seamus. I have no idea what we will do if we have a straight male...maybe farm him off the lesbians every once in a while who will bring him to football games? I don't think we have too much to worry about, though: I doubt we could create such a creature.

BrianAlt said...

I would have a baby with you. Except that I've been snipped. But, I guess there's a way, if there's a will.

Oh, there's no will.

[F]oxymoron said...

AHHHHH... talk of babies!

On a different note, that poster/image rocks

rudecactus said...

First time I've ever heard of genitalia referred to as hocus and pocus. Brilliant.

LiLu said...

My GBF and I totally have the same deal. You gotta have the back up plan! Ain't no shame.

Sparkling Red said...

I have a friend who has a similar relationship with her gay roommate. She lives upstairs and he lives downstairs. They share a bathroom, and apparently he cleans it every Saturday morning before she wakes up. Consider: NEVER having to scrub the toilet. That's reason enough to never move.

GreenCanary said...

I will TOTALLY have your baby. Men and their sperm be damned! Who needs 'em? Not us, that's who. Now come to mama, you sweet thang.

justjp said...

Gay breakdowns, bleeding boyfriends? Girl, what is going on up there? I have lesbian drama every once in a while, but other than that pretty mellow. You should join in...

lacochran said...

"There's no way his pocus is going anywhere near my hocus."

Love it!

Megkathleen said...

Gay Death! HA! I'm sure he's wrong. But maybe you should encourage is crazy if you want him to be your baby daddy.

melissalion said...

I'm voting for you for president.

-Peder said...

He might be a little more choosy after Gay Death.