The Ghost of Groceries Past

8:37 AM Edit This 21 Comments »
I went to the grocery store on Tuesday night. Now, normally this is not a noteworthy thing. But as I was walking through the store, I realized that I've turned into THAT woman. The one that zips through the store with purpose and intent. The one that glares at you when you're browsing. The one that taps her foot while you're picking out different flavors of jelly. Because you're in her way. And I almost cried just a little bit, but I didn't because I was in too much of a hurry. Let me take you on a virtual tour.

I start in the produce section because my list is in order of how I walk through the store. Seriously. It is. Bananas, apples, carrot chips and hummus. Slivered almonds and minced garlic. Done! Up the next isle. Black beans and chickpeas. Down the next isle. Whole grain tortillas, taco seasoning and salsa. Then to the meat counter. Ground turkey and chicken breasts. Zip into the baking isle for flax seed. Then the dairy section. Milk, velveeta, parmesan and cream cheese. Frozen fruit and I'M DONE. Race to the checkout through the chip isle for tortilla chips and $75 later, I have the makings for turkey chickpea burgers, almond parmesan chicken fingers, snacks for the retreat this weekend, stuff for my protein shakes and the best part? Shit dip - you know the kind. Ground meat with taco seasoning, velveeta, cream cheese and salsa that you slather on tortilla chips trying to justify eating it with a spoon.

Gone are the midnight raids on Hy-Vee. We always went at midnight on Wednesday nights. Filling the cart with beer and frozen pizzas, boones farm wine and white bread. Lingering in the chip and dip department, trying to figure out if we want Doritos or Cheetos or both and if the Queso sauce is too hot. Picking up zucchinis and making obscene gestures. Using a banana as a microphone and singing along to the muzak. Gone are the nights when the checker saw us come in and turned up the music because he knew we would dance down the isles, laughing and joking. When did I turn into the bitch that impatiently glares at you if you even stop for a moment to wonder if you want Skippy or Jif. Don't you KNOW by now? When did I turn into her? I was sad. So very sad. Then I went home and ate leftover brussel sprouts. My God.

21 comments:

Summer said...

I love the new layout!

Oh, and I would like to commission you to be my very own personal shopper (and cook). :)

You're in a hurry. That's not a sin. I think we all change our shopping MO without realizing it though. I went from being the lady in a hurry to the lady who blocks out her noisy kids.

Picture me with the cart that has the infant bouncy and the small area for a toddler (genius shopping invention BTW). Baby Jonas trying to pull things off the shelves. While I'm picking groceries off the floor, the oldest and middle child punching and yelling at each other until I step in. It's a freak show! I pause to look at Skippy or JIF because I can't focus anymore. I'm probably the shopper you're glaring at. hahahaha.

buffalodick said...

Sunday morning before 9 am... the only people you have to wait for is the stock person filing the shelves...

Lindsey said...

oooo! Pretty!

You didn't become the bitch, you just have more focus now!

Much better way of looking at it.

[F]oxymoron said...

I'd say you just have a different focus... btw, dig the new layout!

Dingo said...

The new layout is rockin'! It's zippy and sassy. Kinda like you in the grocery store all zippy and sassy. I hate grocery shopping. I like to get in and get out. I hate when people slow me up.

Sweetly Single said...

I love your new digs!! And hunny if you do your shopping like that I need you to start doing mine...very focused and driven..nothing wrong with that

LiLu said...

LOVE your new layout! It's like getting a new fabulous dress, isn't it?

I try to make B do most of the shopping now... it's too hard to resist that damn queso dip...

carrster said...

Oooh I dig your new layout too.I need a layout makeover...did you do yours yourself? Because I need HELP!

Anyway - I say remember the grocery trips of the past, but don't dwell. You have gained SO MUCH in your life since then that letting go of a piece of the past is a fair enough trade-off. Focus is a good thing. Eating nourishing foods for your body & cooking for yourself (and others) is a good thing. Taking the next step is a good thing.

I'm very proud of you - always.

Kristen said...

oooooo...pretty!!!! I love this. I'm jealous of it actually. It's so fresh and clean and it makes me want to eat honeydew melon and take a bath in rain water.

I am that woman at the grocery store. I don't have time to deal with browsers. Make a list, get the stuff, get the hell out of the store.

Oxen Cox said...

The site looks bitchin! Don't think too much about how you shop, as long as you enjoy the food you buy. Go queso!!

Christian said...

Linz and Foxy are right, it's about focus. And a biproduct of higher focus is a degree of intolerance and frustration towards unfocused dawdlers. As long as you aren't smashing cankles with your shopping kart you'll be fine.

Nice new page!

lacochran said...

Look at you and your page. All fancy shmancy. :)

"When did I turn into the bitch that impatiently glares at you if you even stop for a moment to wonder if you want Skippy or Jif."

Nah, if you were really impatient, you wouldn't glare, you'd barrel around them.

Sparkling Red said...

Ooh, pretty colours!

When I'm in a hurry, I shop like that too. My pet peeve is when several people take up the entire width of the aisle, strolling along at a snail's pace like tourists. Go slow if you want, but leave space for me to pass you! Sheesh. Some people.

Arjewtino said...

More shoppers should be like you.

justjp said...

LOL!I do the same exact thing. I truly do not have any patience for people lingering in the isle. Old ladies can, they have earned it. However, lingering in the beer isle is acceptable, if not mandatory.

Megkathleen said...

Ooooo, I likey the new design. Very cool.

I don't even know what it's like to be the person who browses in the grocery store. I've always been the person who glares when you get in her way and speed walks through the place. I can't even imagine what it's like not to shop that way.

rudecactus said...

Great new design! Where the hell have I been?

It's true - as you age, your trips to the store become more purposeful.

Mr. POSSLQ said...

I don't mind so much if someone's browsing the shelves, but what I really hate are the idiots that browse the shelves while taking up the EXACT CENTER OF THE AISLE so no one else can get past. THOSE are the people I'd like to see having their spleens ripped out and fed to the ocelots.

I love the new site layout, too. Very festive. :)

JoLee said...

I shop by my own 20 items or 20 minute rule.

You know those people that leave their cart in the middle of the aisle to contemplate peanut butter choices? I seriously get the urge to push their carts right in to the back of their asses.

Oh, and velveeta? Seriously? They still make that shit?

t2ed said...

I can handle the dawdlers. It's the peeps who bump into someone they know and then use both carts to create their own lil road block in the entire aisle.

Then they get pissy when you want through.

Sorry to interrup the highly critical confab peeps. I'm just trying to get my macaroni and get the hell out.

E said...

Take your ipod next time and sing a little. And splurge on some really dark Chocolate. That'll slow you down...