He's Going to Make Alot of Money

9:42 AM Edit This 18 Comments »
Gay Boyfriend has been trying to kill me all along. I just know it.

I took the day off yesterday because it was President's Day and I didn't want to work. So there. I went to my friend's house and read magazines all morning, got a pedicure in the afternoon, went to a meeting and then read my new book all night. It was heavenly. However.... When I got home from the pedicure, the gas people were crawling all over the house. Yeah. There was a gas leak. In the basement. Where I live. Slowly killing me. It's all fixed now.

Then this morning, I get up and all I can smell is burning plastic. You know that horrible smell? Yeah. Gay Boyfriend was already at work, so I woke up Boyfriend of the Month and told him to take care of it - that I had to go to work and couldn't figure out what was wrong. Yeah. The gas people had checked the water heater and turned it ALL THE WAY UP and it was melting the plastic gasket inside.

I asked him how much my policy was for.

18 comments:

Just A Girl said...

Somehow I doubt he's trying to kill you but I guess you just never know. And the gas people are retards, apparently.

Kristen said...

I am so scared of my gas heater and my gas dryer. I just feel like if some tiny little thing goes wrong we're all going up in a ball of flames.

I'm also scared of clowns and my garbage disposal.

lacochran said...

It would be easier on him if you'd just eat the poison mushrooms.

Stubborn.

Summer said...

You should invest in a canary. Oh, wait that's for miners. Nevermind.

And I'm glad that someone's talking about the scary possibilities of garbage disposals. They freak me out!

briankainec.com said...

Pretty sure the gas company is liable if they broke your shit, but good luck getting it out of them. :(

JoLee said...

At least with gas you would probably just get drowsy and fall asleep to your death. It could be worse, he could be disguising arsenic as the powdered sugar on donuts or slipping finely crushed glass in your meals.

justjp said...

Hmm, paranoia secondary to gas. Hell, sounds like fun!

BrianAlt said...

Hahaha. You funny! Thanks for the laugh. :)

Sparkling Red said...

Ai ai ai! That's scary. It's no good when the people who come to do the inspection, i.e. the ones who are supposedly responsible for keeping you safe, set you up for a horrible death by burning (or possibly boiling). Thank goodness you lived to tell the tale.

GreenCanary said...

You know, the disability insurance my company offers has these levels of injury... You lose a finger, you get a $1000. An arm: $10,000. A leg: $50,000. And so on and so forth. Perhaps you should look into how much you'd get if you lost a lung or some of your motor function... It might be worth it. Monetarily speaking.

LiLu said...

Oh my lord, gas leaks scare the CRAP out of me. So glad I have electric, even if my bill is ~$3,632 a month.

Glad you're okay!

Vanessa said...

that sounds awful! gas leaks are horrible! glad you are okay. did you complain?

Vanessa said...

that sounds awful! gas leaks are horrible! glad you are okay. did you complain?

Sweetly Single said...

yikes!!! did you at least enjoy the trip down the toxic highway?

because you don't get paid if you enjoy it hehehehe

Dingo said...

Whenever I'm unusually tired, I blame it on a gas leak. I always mean to call the gas company but I take a nap instead.

buffalodick said...

Guy jumps out of a plane on his first solo parachute jump, pulls ripcord-nothing happens... pulls ripcord to emergency chute- comes off in his hand.. 5,000 feet in the air and falling fast, he sees a guy coming up from Earth, going like Hell at the same speed.. He yells over to the guy- "Hey! What do you know about failed parachutes?" Guy says "Not a dang thing! But what do you know about gas furnaces?"...

melissalion said...

Oh dear. We have oil heat and I always have the same thought -- I'M GOING TO DIE IN MY SLEEP!

SoMi's Nilsa said...

Never trust the gas people to fix anything related to gas. You need an HVAC person to do that. =)