Therapy Tuesday

8:52 AM Edit This 15 Comments »
You know I go to therapy every other week now, right? Right?! I do. Because I rock. And really? I could have passed again this morning, but lets not get ahead of ourselves, okay? Steady as she goes. But when I told Carolyn that I went camping by myself? She got this totally incredulous look on her face - much like the faces of other people I've told and said the same thing that I've been hearing for a week now, "What? How could you DO that?" And I just shrugged. Because the more I think about it, the more I know that it's been in my nature all along to do such things. I just never ponied up and did them. So, when she was done being awed and bowing down to my awesomeness, she asked me if I learned anything from the experience. And aside from the things I wrote about last week. Yes, yes I did.
 
I used to have this list. In my head of course, because to write it down would be too self serving. But on that list were the things I thought I wanted, and if achieved, would tell me that I had arrived and could finally be happy. It includes things like a husband and kids, a home and career, cool vacations and a wicked automobile. If I GOT those things, then I could stop worrying about what success looked like and enjoy my life. Well guess what? I don't have a single thing on that list today. And I'm happier than I've ever been in my whole life. Because my HEART is where I want it to be. I no longer need "things" in my life to make everything okay. I just get to BE. And being ME is kinda awesome.
 
Carolyn has repeatedly mentioned that I am not "living up to my potential" in the job world. And I reminded her today that I don't really care. I may some day, but today? I do not. Up until this point, my job was my life. It defined me. It was ALL that I was. If I succeed at my job then I was an okay person. If I PERFORMED well, then I could be happy. I don't want that kind of life anymore. I am finally successful in my personal life which is largely separate from my professional life. And if that means I'm not "living up to my potential" then so be it. I don't ever want to be in a position where what I DO defines who I AM ever again.
 
My list has been retired. It doesn't mean I don't still want some of those things. But I know that I no longer NEED them to be happy. I'm happy without them. Getting those things would just be an extra gift that I may or may not be ready for some day. And until then, I'm just going to keep BEING.

15 comments:

buffalodick said...

Not bad..not too bad at all! Being successful isn't about more money or stuff- the world just tries to make you feel that it is.

BrianAlt said...

The funny thing is, once you get all those things, you still want more.

Jeff D'Antonio said...

You are awesome. And you know I wouldn't say that if I didn't mean it, right?

You have figured out who you are, and that is one of the most freeing and exhilarating of all realizations.

Enjoy!

J

PS - I like camping alone too.

SoMi's Nilsa said...

I think a lot of people struggle with being happy with today. Instead they constantly work towards a better tomorrow and miss out on hundreds of really great todays. I love that you've figured this out and are able to enjoy today!

carrster said...

Sounds like a successful camping trip & therapy session - indeed! Congrats!

Jules said...

Rock on, Kate!!

TMC said...

Good for you!

I still actively struggle with the "If I did/got this.... I'd be happy" list. What a b*tch that kind of thinking is!

Sparkling Red said...

Amen to that! The whole point of life is to love and be happy. If you have those things, why go chasing after anything else?

Mark said...

Excellent post! Yes, being is enough, being is everything! I love that you have come to a point where you don't let the externals such as a job define who you are.

underOvr (aka The U) said...

Hi Kate,

It was good to read your life affirming post today. Being happy with your life is not something one puts a price on. Things do not compensate for the absence of happiness.

Enjoy your life and live in the freedom you have.

U

Kelly Hogaboom said...

Ah, the "list". As others have mentioned, getting the items or doing the stuff on the "list" doesn't end up meaning all that much - often. My new creed is, either do it toute de suite or don't even put it on "the list" in the first place.

I also agree with what others have written - this is a great, life-affirming post to read today!

f.B said...

I'd really like to be where you are with your list -- seeing them as wants and not needs. I will keep trying.

BrianAlt said...

P.S. You rock!

melissalion said...

I just want to know in the future that I will have those things. Not a wicked automobile, but I'd like to not stress about money like I do now.

Jen said...

Wow, this is big. To be able to let go of the list, to be able to be happy regardless, to be able to be you and not let yourself be defined by what you do or what you have, that is HUGE. And you're there, wow. I bow to you too.