A Night To Remember
7:34 PM Edit This 11 Comments »
I try so, so hard to be loving, patient and kind. So hard I tell you. But when it comes to fucking nonsense, I lose it. And it's only because I've been there, done that - that I even acknowledge that it's a way of life that can be broken and reborn. I've been working with this new gal in recovery. I think she's got potential to let it work in her life - this recovery business. You don't "get it" you have to learn to let go and just "let it" happen.
Well - she was supposed to go live with this other gal newly in recovery and lo - and behold - the other gal got drunk the day out of treatment. Not a healthy place for someone who wants to stay sober. So we scurried around, found a scholarship to a sober house, blah blah blah and now? It's awesome. She's developing a relationship with her mom and dad which she thought was completely impossible and we're getting somewhere.
But the other girl? Um. No. Someone called me from the club tonight and said, "She's threatening to kill herself. What do I do?!" And I said, "Call 911. That's all you CAN do." So, the drama unfolds, she's sobbing at her apartment, the guy that called me is freaking the fuck out and I'm on the phone going, "Just let her be. Are you okay? Tell me you're okay. Just go back to the club and connect with someone. She is no longer your responsibility." Because frankly? She never was. I GET the attention seeking bullshit. I GET that she got drunk and wanted to kill herself. I GET that the authorities needed to be called. But today? I understand that it's NOT MY SHIT TO DEAL WITH. Because it's not. I have compassion and I have a ton of love to toss around freely. But I don't have time for the crap. Because putting up with the bullshit just allows someone else to live in their fantasy world. The world where someone OWES them something. And until she understands that it doesn't? She won't even attempt to get well.
Well - she was supposed to go live with this other gal newly in recovery and lo - and behold - the other gal got drunk the day out of treatment. Not a healthy place for someone who wants to stay sober. So we scurried around, found a scholarship to a sober house, blah blah blah and now? It's awesome. She's developing a relationship with her mom and dad which she thought was completely impossible and we're getting somewhere.
But the other girl? Um. No. Someone called me from the club tonight and said, "She's threatening to kill herself. What do I do?!" And I said, "Call 911. That's all you CAN do." So, the drama unfolds, she's sobbing at her apartment, the guy that called me is freaking the fuck out and I'm on the phone going, "Just let her be. Are you okay? Tell me you're okay. Just go back to the club and connect with someone. She is no longer your responsibility." Because frankly? She never was. I GET the attention seeking bullshit. I GET that she got drunk and wanted to kill herself. I GET that the authorities needed to be called. But today? I understand that it's NOT MY SHIT TO DEAL WITH. Because it's not. I have compassion and I have a ton of love to toss around freely. But I don't have time for the crap. Because putting up with the bullshit just allows someone else to live in their fantasy world. The world where someone OWES them something. And until she understands that it doesn't? She won't even attempt to get well.
11 comments:
I really appreciate your honesty here. I was relieved when I learned, "Live and Let Live" in Al Anon. I was also very thankful that I am not responsible to save anyone and the only person I am truly responsible to and for is myself. WHAT A RELIEF!
Excellent post, Kate. It's a hard, hard lesson to learn that sometimes the only way to help someone is to back off.
You are soooo right! Concentrate on those that can be helped. The others will bottom out and then be ready for it (or not!), but it's not your responsibility.
I'm sorry if that hits too close to home.
It will be her decision, when and if it is made..
I am definitely in your corner on this one. Though, I'll bet there are A LOT of people out there who'd play into her neediness.
Drama is so very draining. Even when you've managed to stay on the periphery of the melee, it somehow manages to suck energy out of you.
Best of luck.
I found you from Crissy's page from reading your blog... I like it! Thought I'd say hi... now I'm going to go back to stalking your blog
Great post. That kind of drama drags everyone into a bad state of mind. I love how you focused on concerned guy staying mentally healthy. You're so right, she'll have to fix herself.
You know when you cut off someone else's drama? Isn't is amazing how much more time you have? I never can get over this little fact.
It's so hard to let go and not try to Fix. Every. Little. THING! But at some point, you gotta just do what you can, know your limits, and you gotta do you.
Now this? THIS is strength.
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