This Post Is About Snot

8:27 PM Edit This 13 Comments »
So. The Monkey Plague. For the new readers? I get sinus infection after bronchitis after walking pneumonia every single fall, winter, and spring. I think it's a combination of allergies that turn into bacterial infections and the disgrace that is my immune system after trying to drink myself to death for ten years and having had The Meningitis. I will say that last year, even though I was tres miserable, I didn't mind having the quiet life of the invalid. It gave me a reason to make my world a little smaller and live a little simpler. But this year? I do not have time for this shit. No time. I've got people to do and things to see. I have a life. I'm not interested in sitting down for it any longer.

So - when I started sniveling and hacking when I got home from Cowtown, I was not happy. Last year, my parents and my parents' neighbor, my brother and sister in law, and even Miss M tried to talk me into using a neti pot - convinced it would cure my ills. I couldn't. Gag. Ick. Sick and Grossness.






Basically, you pour salt water into one nostril and it comes out the other, along with all the offending CRAPTHATPLUGSYOURNOSE. Then you do it to the other side. NO. NO. NO. But last Saturday when I went to Cowgirl's house, it became clear that something had to break. I was fine all day until I sat down on the floor to play cards with Munchkin Number Two. The sneezing, the coughing, the uncontrollable hacking was a little much. When a three year old calmly, yet insistently says, "Kate! Take a drink of your watah. Watah will make that stop." Your heart kind of goes, "Awww." And you understand that something has to change. Cowgirl is shouting, "We've got bird dander. And dog dander. And cat dander. And kid dander. What do you expect around here?" And I can't NOT go there. I LOVE it at her house.

So, I called Miss M and told her I was going in for the kill. I went to Shopko and found it. I walked around the store with it for a half hour. Then I bought it. I texted her and told her that IT had been purchased, now it was just a matter of convincing myself to USE it. She texted back,

lay on the floor for twenty minutes and start hacking until you can't breathe. that might convince you.

Bitch.

After glancing at the offending box for two hours, I opened it and read the directions. An hour after that, I filled it up. And a half hour after that? I did it. And people? It's like fucking magic. The sneezing stopped. The hacking stopped. I slept like there was no tomorrow and I woke up thinking that a miracle had just taken place in my nose. There was no gagging. No throwing up. Nothing of the sort. Miss M wins the award of the century for suggesting that I do it with my glasses off in the dark so I couldn't see what was coming out my nose. And I don't care. All I know is that it works. It fucking works!

And now you know. I will be pouring salt water in and out of my nose all fall, winter, and spring. I'm a rock star. And you know it.

13 comments:

SoMi's Nilsa said...

My husband has used a netti pot. I get the shivers just thinking about it. It will have to get pretty darn bad before I use it. Because if I do, I'm pretty sure I will find a way to choke on it.

Summer said...

My SIL uses one and swears by it. I wonder if there's an age limitation. My two year old has horrible allergies and nasal congestion this time of year.

justjp said...

Its amazing how blasting the snot out will perk you right up.

Jules said...

I LOVE my neti pot! Glad you finally took the plunge and that it helped you.

MilesPerHour said...

Now you know.

What's so gross about it? I mean c'mon, what kinda things do we do for constipation? (No need to answer, we all know) Nothing wrong with feeling relief from what ails ya!

buffalodick said...

I've heard about it, and one of my kids uses it- and it does work!

Sweetly Single said...

HAHAHAHAHA itsnot that snot is a bad thing....just itsnot where it belongs

GreenCanary said...

The Neti pot ROCKS! I'm going to try and make Mr. Mystery use one. (He's got the snottiest nose I've ever encountered.) But Kate m'dear? You HAVE to look at the stuff coming out of your nose. It's freakin' mesmerizing. Gross, but mesmerizing.

carrster said...

'bout time you jumped on the neti pot bandwagon! I ordered one from INDIA (no less) many years ago and used it quite a bit - but since I moved I don't know where it is! Regardless, it is awesome, especially for chronic allergy (or sinus infection) sufferers. Good maintenance for the nasal cavities, my dear!

saratogajean said...

I got one for Steve last year for Christmas. He's moving slower than you are, because it's still sitting (unopened) on his kitchen counter.

JoLee said...

Yay for no snot with a side bonus of sleeping!

Sparkling Red said...

Really? I'm glad you went public with your discovery. I'll have to give that pot a try next time I've got a head cold.

artemisia said...

Wahoo! So glad you caved. It is totally gross and TOTALLY worth it. Here's to happy breathing!