Dating Advice

8:28 PM Edit This 18 Comments »
I just want you to know that when you go on a first date, it's very important to talk about boils, pestilence and the Black Plague, interspersed with commentary on fault lines and the prospect of California falling into the ocean during this lifetime.

Yes. I did. And when I told Cowgirl, her response was, "You sure know how to make a man swoon."

If anything, I'm true to myself...

Today's topics at breakfast were as follows:

How much crack you have to smoke to make your heart explode. (Someone we know died last week.)

How to get a dentist to give you The Gas when they clean your teeth. (You read about my crowns, right?)

Cleaning up after a suicide. (Someone at the table used to do this for a living. Never thought about who had to do that, now did you?)

Poop. (Cowgirl works in hospice care and it's ALL about the poop there. When was the last time you went, what did it look like, how much and how much better you'd feel if you went again.)

The waitress who has been serving us every Sunday for the last three years just shakes her head and keeps pouring coffee. You see why I can't have a normal conversation anymore? I'm a great date.

18 comments:

The Pollinatrix said...

So, was the date good?

The Good Cook said...

You will know you met the right man when he's right in there with you discussing all that "good" stuff. I'm with Pollinatrix - how was the date??? What did you wear? Where did you go... time to DISH girl!

Jeff D'Antonio said...

Hey, might as well let 'em see who you really are right from the start. That was always my dating philosophy, and in the end it worked out pretty well for me (though we never really talked about poop until we had babies). If you can't be yourself with someone, what's the point, really?

Hope you had a great date, Kate.

Kate said...

The date was quite nice. That is all I'm going to say about it for now. I wasn't swooning and giddy when I got home and I wasn't horribly apathetic either. I'd call that progress.

The Pollinatrix said...

Yes, somewhere between "swooningly giddy" and "horribly apathetic," there's sanity.

justme said...

i find myself discussing the same things...and yes, if anything, you are being true to yourself. isn't that the goal? ;)

GreenCanary said...

Oh honey, you hit on ALL of my favorite topics! The only one your missed was the super volcano under Yellowstone. Had you mentioned that on our first date, you would have SO gotten lucky *wink wink*

My cousin lives practically next door to that horror core killer in VA. She said that a company called "Aftermath" came to clean up the house. Apparently, the van was bright yellow and had a smiley face on it. As if having four people mutilated in your neighborhood isn't bad enough, a happy-go-lucky yellow ice cream truck comes in to do the clean up. Creepy.

melissalion said...

I love the plague. Love it. Anything related to the plague.

So gooey and horrible and icky. Also, spread by fleas.

Holly said...

Unfortunately for me, the cleaning up part does not come as a surprise conversation. When one of your best friends works for the medical examiner, nothing seems surreal in conversation. Try going on a run with said person and having her point out when crossing particular intersections that she has worked said intersection as a scene. Very interesting... I cannot visit some parts of the city and not think about what happened there.

BrianAlt said...

*swoon*

Shevonne said...

If he was interested in those things, then I would think it was a good date. :)

Shelly said...

Yep, ya gotta be yourself. If that scares him off, then he's not the right one. And far better to find that out early!

Rebecca said...

For quite a long while, we lived in the hood and there was this billboard (next to a most wanted billboard) that was an advertisement for cleaning up after someone gets murdered in your home. . . .Eewwwwohhh

brad said...

anyone who can't take a good Black Plague joke needs to do some personal reevaluation. c'mon: it's the plague! it's a joke that tells itself.

also, yeah: California might be in trouble.

Suburban Sweetheart said...

Is he comin' back for another???

At least you're creative. ;)

SoMi's Nilsa said...

I'm quite certain you'd be a highly entertaining first and fiftieth date!

Kristen said...

You forgot to talk about ex boyfriends, vaginal secretions, questionable moles in personal places, and lip fungus.

You're such a noob.

Kristen said...

Seriously, I'm embarassed to know you.