It's HERE!!!!!!

8:24 AM Edit This 12 Comments »
Happy Feet Friday gets trumped by none other than... THE SOUTH DAKOTA PUBLIC HEALTH BULLETIN! It's here! It's here! It's here! And the mailman refused to make out with me after I whipped open the back cover and read the statistics. What a nerd. Live on the EDGE, boy!

The clap? It's STILL going up! 14%, but HIV went down by 36%, so that's good. Because you die from that one. But Cryptosporidiosis? The one you get from eating poop? It's bad, you guys. Up, up, up by 58%. So stop eating poop! I mean it! And my very favorite - rabies - is also up by 43%. I'm sorry, but you people have to stop having sex, stop playing with the rabid woodchucks and for the lovagod, stop with the feces already. Okay? Agreed? Yes. Thankyouverymuch.

And to top all that, not only was my windshield NOT icy or snow covered this morning, but when I was walking in to work? Twee little birdies I could hear a singin'! Birdies! That means I am not going to die this winter. And there is hope for spring.

12 comments:

BrianAlt said...

See, things are looking up!

buffalodick said...

Woodchuck sex? Is that anything like muskrat love (The Captain and Tenille)....Sorry, that's the best I can do today..

saratogajean said...

Suck, it, HIV!

But rabies, man...rabies is a bitch. But what a story to tell if you survived! You don't even have to get shots in your stomach anymore, they can administer it in your shoulder like a flu shot.

melissalion said...

I wonder if we have an Oregon Public Health bulletin. It would be like: sanctimony up 65%, women who don't wear bras up 23%, women who don't wear bras and nurse their preschoolers up 45%, white guilt up 76%, police beatings up 14%.

Those are true stats.

Believe me.

TMC said...

BIRDIES!!! ♥

The Good Cook said...

Birds? Singing? Don't look up with your mouth all agape or you'll send that statistic soaring some more!! What is up with the crap stat?

MsDarkstar said...

Spring, you say? I'll let you know if Spring is coming as soon as the RECORD THIRTEEN INCHES OF SNOW is gone!

Ok... no rabid woodchucks, no poop,no sexytime. Got it.

Bev said...

So what you're saying is that I need to stop having sex with woodchucks while snacking on poo? Well, I'm sorry, but that's just a deal-breaker!

Yay for a warm(ish) day!

Anonymous said...

Who the f eats poop? I don't get it. Is that for real. Like people do that on purpose? Is it their own poop or someone else's?

Rebecca said...

Seriously..those are some scary stats!

G said...

Oooookay.

Someone has a bit too much time on their hands Friday?

artemisia said...

Birds!!! Tweeting! Hallelujah!