Super Secret Secret Revealed

8:35 AM Edit This 11 Comments »
No. It's not mine, you freaks. You have to have sex to have a baby. But Cowgirl is pregnant! She's having her fourth child and I got to go to her ultrasound yesterday! I got to see it's little hands and feet waving around; it's little heartbeat and tummy. And well - I was in awe and perhaps a little teary-eyed. Cowgirl is not particularly happy about all this, but as she said, "I get to take my misery and give you the thrill of your life." Because she knows just how badly I've wanted a baby of my own. And she knows how excited I am about the prospect of a new little one in my life. And because - well - just because. And she asked me if I wanted to be there when the baby was born. And yes, yes I do want to be there. So, wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles!* And I get to witness it with my very best friend and her family.

So. That's my secret. And it's not even really my secret because it's not my baby. But I knew about it before the ultrasound and they weren't totally sure it wasn't a tumor or something stupid like that so I had to keep my big mouth shut until after. And now I get to talk about it all I want.

I alternate between tears and pure joy. Which is to be expected. I'm not jealous per se, because I am not in a position to have a child of my own. But I am sad that time is quickly passing for me to ever have a child. And well - this may just be my only chance to "have" a baby. I am already a huge part of her children's lives and this one will be no different. It's just that I get to be there from the start. So, tears come off and on when I think about it and they are sad tears, but I'm hoping that they turn into tears of joy later on. Because if you can't be happy for your friends and family, then what kind of self centered psychopath are you?

*Another quote from a show. And the first one to get it gets mail from me.

11 comments:

carrster said...

Cool! Congrats to you Miss Auntie! Ultrasounds are pretty cool, eh?

melissalion said...

I like ultrasounds because they make the baby look like a little alien.

Congrats to you! Another little person to hold!

Rebecca said...

Fiddler on the roof....??

That's the only thing I can come up with.....Grrr

Congratulations to CowGirl on her new baby. When is baby due? Good luck!

Kate said...

Rebecca, you win again! Now hurry up and send me your address because now you have TWO cards coming!

artemisia said...

Oh, what a sweet friend you are. I do hope you will have a baby of your own. You never know what is in store for you!

Allie said...

That's so wonderful! And I think it's so fantastic that this child will be so loved and have you there to celebrate and support right from the start!

Ink Spiller said...

It's so nice for this child to have an "aunty" that is so looking forward to it coming into this world. So many children don't have anyone who really make them feel wanted so this child is very blessed. Don't ever underestimate the impact the love of friends of parents have on kids, even the unborn ones!

I'm getting teary myself here but then I'm such a sap!

Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks said...

I'm very excited for you and for Cowgirl (it's like you're having a baby together!).

A long time ago, I became very OK with the idea I might never have my own kids ... and if I still had the yearning to be a parent, I could always adopt. Now, it no longer scares me that my "window" is slowly closing.

The Pollinatrix said...

I am happy/sad for you. I do think it's a special gift to be a childless woman who can help mother another's children. There's a certain magic in that role.

I have no idea where that quote came from, but I feel like I should.

ImpoverishedSoul said...

I want to follow you but it refuses to cooperate =(

BrianAlt said...

It's still your secret.

And congrats! To both of you.