Machines

8:41 AM Edit This 11 Comments »
I did it! I learned how to do the weight machines yesterday! And it was fun. I wasn't freaked out or nervous or anything. And the guy didn't even think I was stupid. So there. I conquered my fear of the machines.

All except for the windmill farms around here. They totally freak me out. I have this vision of them coming to life and marching down the highway, stomping on cars and killing people. Whenever I take that stretch of highway, I can hardly breathe. I have to turn up the radio and sing really loud to distract myself. Seriously.

Do you live in my brain?
No.
Then stop judging me.

But I have this little problem. I like going to the gym so much, that I go even when it's a little too late at night. And then I'm all revved up when I should be revving down for the night. When I got home at 8:30 last night, I was all, put away laundry, wash some more laundry, wash dishes, put clean sheets on the bed, clean out the litter box, take the flashlight out to the yard and inspect the strawberry plants (they mostly all died, by the way) running around like a chicken with my head cut off.

Now, I take major sleeping pills at night. I have to. I have this thing called myoclonic jerks. (I am NOT a jerk. My legs are.) And that was part of my drinking every night. I drank myself to sleep because otherwise, I'd be awake all night long. Juuuussst drifting off and then BAM! My arm would go all wanky. Then I'd calm down and turn over, hoping to just blissfully pass out and WHAM! My foot kicks the cat. And then she's all hissy and I'm all pissy and well? It just wasn't a good scene. So when I quit drinking, we had to do something about The Jerks and what did my doctor do? Give me horse tranquilizers. I kid, but that's what it feels like. And I hate how they make me feel in the morning, so I cut them in half and in thirds and in fourths and take as little as possible on any given night. Well? When I'm all "CONQUER THE WORLD! I LIFTED WEIGHTS!" at 10 p.m. I know this is a bad thing, so I take the whole pill and then I'm all weird in the morning and can't walk straight and that's stupid.

And please don't suggest herbal tea and a hot bath. That works for The Crazy, but it doesn't work for the Jerks. It's just something I've got to figure out.

In other news, the trees are leafing. Like crazy. I wish I would have taken pictures of their Spring transformation - it happened so fast.

11 comments:

The stories and life of a 10-toed North Dakotan said...

I don't think you're a jerk. I think you're awesome. Good luck with the weight lifting! May your guns be sculpted and your booty tight. ;) And anyone who thinks you're a jerk, may you know them by their flabby arms!

melissalion said...

The jerks. I'm going to call them Teh Jerkz.

What about hot milk? -- I KID.

I wonder if the exercise will calm teh jerkz? Any connection between the two?

melissalion said...

The jerks. I'm going to call them Teh Jerkz.

What about hot milk? -- I KID.

I wonder if the exercise will calm teh jerkz? Any connection between the two?

BrianAlt said...

Can I suggest herbal tea?

What you didn't say is, why can't you go earlier? I'm always home by 8:15 or so.

Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks said...

On days I go on my long runs (say, over 8 miles), I have trouble sleeping. My legs turn into Jerks, for sure. So, I don't judge you. Do what you need to do to do right by your body - day and night!

The Good Cook said...

Congrats on conquering the machines! And of course the guy didn't think you were a jerk - he wouldn't have a job if everyone knew what to do with those crazy weight machines.

Hmm... hot bath, hot tea may help to calm down after the exercise crazy... or what about meditation yoga (good slow stretching) before you leave the gym.. ? I know it won't help with the jerky limb thing, but it may calm your racing heart.

And windmills? Totally LOVE them! Graceful monoliths of the sky, clean energy, waving arms, think KIND thoughts of these gentle giants.

clearness said...

I'm not going to suggest warm milk or tea, or even a bath....but have you tried swaddling? It's part of Dr Harvey Karp's five S's. If they make a pacifier big enough for adults, all you have to do is turn on loud static, lay on your side, suck on something and put your bed on vibrate or something like that....you'll sleep and no jerks.

Ink Spiller said...

The jerkiness of your arms and legs does in no way indicate your personality.....

Cello Mama said...

Good for you!!! I LOVE weightlifting. Check out "The New Weightlifting Rules for Women" - it's a great book for someone starting out with weights for the first time. Weights are the secret for transforming your body, in my experience. Not to mention how awesome it is to be able to move, say, 50lb. bags of softener salt or something, without getting hurt.

Hooray for you!!!!

justme said...

i have issue with going to the gym so late too. i actually like it better, time-wise, but logistically, it does the same thing to me when its time to go to bed...and i don't really have sleeping problems. the main thing i've noticed, is that it makes my body tempurature too hot.

so glad you loved the weights! i'm still keeping on track with doing arms and abs on the weight machines....legs are still getting cardio!

kilax said...

I have to work out a night too! I don't have the other issue though. I always conk out. I hope it becomes more natural as you continue to use the weight machines!