What's Pink and White and Red All Over?

1:18 PM Edit This 13 Comments »
So, remember last weekend when I had a fabulous day and my friends and I toured the Sculpture Walk in downtown Sioux Falls? Well, I may have failed to mention something that happened on said walk. Most of you know I'm terribly backwards in the dating/men/flirting department. If you haven't been playing along at home, here's a good example. Way back when I was 23 years old, I met my very first long term boyfriend. (Very Late Bloomer. You are about to know why.) We were introduced by friends who took us both to dinner. During the appetizer, I decide that I don't mind him. In fact, by the time the main meal is finished I think he's quite good looking and easy to talk to and well? By the end of the night? Yeah! So, as we all say goodbye, I say to my friends, "I really liked him." And they both did a double take and said, "WHAT?!" And I'm like, "Yeah. I did." And the husband says, "Um. I never would have known that." So yeah. The only reason we ended up together is that they told him I had a really good time (WHICH I DID!) and that I wanted to see him again. Not because of anything I did or said. See? Loser flirter. Apparently when someone tells you they are in the movie business, you're not supposed to say, "I never watch movies." And when they say they enjoy hunting, a not-so-clueless woman would not have said, "I don't believe in guns." Gah. I suck. I still suck at it. As evidenced by my propensity to talk about the Bubonic Plague on a first date with a stranger. And the fact that I met my fiance in the psychotel. What? Yeah. Whatever.

SO. History lesson done.

There's a new guy that's been hanging around. He's tall. And hot. And he's an educator who works with kids, (Hello?! UP MY ALLEY!) But he's married, so no. I just don't go there, right? I don't. I'm classy like that. I had heard about a pending divorce last Christmas, but still - not divorced, so I just don't go there or anywhere near him for that matter. Well. He came out with us last weekend and for the first time in like, EVER! I was like, "OMG! He's totally checking me out!" Someone, whom I find very attractive, CHECKING ME OUT! So I did what I always do when I feel exposed; I looked down, and blushing furiously, grabbed my friend's arm and went into a store and then ignored him for the rest of the afternoon. See? Classy. And I didn't say a word. To anyone. Because I might have been wrong and then that's just too vain and whatever.

At breakfast the next morning, one of my older, married admirers (Older men find me infinitely attractive for some reason. Especially if they're married.) says, "Did you notice that guy checking you out?" And I'm all, "WHAT?! I didn't imagine it?!" And he's all, "Kate! You gotta ENCOURAGE a man when you see that!" And I'm all like, "Encourage?! What does THAT mean?!" Apparently, I'm supposed to look him in the eye and smile and say something smart, or accidentally "brush into him" at some point later in the day. And then I started blushing so much, I could just feel it all over and he says to me, "A little bit of that coloring will help too." And then I just wanted to hide under the table.

Seriously? That's how it goes down?

I'm blushing just TELLING you about it.


artemisia said...

Oh, I am a blusher, too! I can feel my cheeks warming in sympathy.

I hate when you feel the blushes coming on. then, just the act of knowing I am blushing makes me BLUSH EVEN MORE.

Oh, God. I hate it. I feel for you.

(find out if he is divorced yet and CALL HIM.) Yes. Really.

Summer said...

I don't brush up against anyone. EVER. That's strange. However, I engage sarcastically to see if a guy can hang with witty retort. Some guys probably just think I'm mean. The ones who get it though are usually my type anyway.

You need to make sure that you are smiling at this guy. You have a gorgeous and infectious smile. Use it to your advantage. Even if you don't have flirting skills, smiles will work to let him know you might be interested.

BrianAlt said...

Yes, what are we, fucking mind readers? Of course it works like that.

And, as an older married man, will you go out with me?

Anonymous said...

Oh, I'm a totally inept flirter. I.e. I like you? I will now totally ignore you. This is why guys I just want to be friends with end up getting the wrong idea (because I can be myself around them as there is absolutely nothing at stake) and guys I like never ever speak to me again. Luckily I met my current Love through an internet personals thingy, which allowed me to skip the "ignore" phase.

Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks said...

But, is he still married?

Anonymous said...

Us tall, hot, married teacher guys have to stick together, so I totally approve of you going after this guy.

Uh...just make sure he's done being married first.

The Good Cook said...

emmm... wondering if you want to be the first girl he dates after divorce? Get to know him as a friend. That brushing up against him thing? How tacky / juvenile is that?

How about honest, open communication? I know I've been married for quite some time but does that work anymore? Like, "I heard you were going through a divorce, how are you?".. or it's so nice to see you.
Or, have you seen this exhibit before?

If someone says they are into something you don't like (like hunting) ask them, Wow, how did you get started in that? People like to talk about themselves, all you really have to do is listen and ask pertinent questions....

Conversation. Nice. Easy. Or am I hopelessly old fashioned?

Ink Spiller said...

Oh God, I'm a blusher too. I'm hopeless. This is why I'm obviously so pro internet dating because the internet acts like a filter.

It's all very awkward, isn't it? Sometimes I wish I was a dog. They just sniff each others butts, wag their tails (or not) and be done with it. A lot less awkward in my opinion.

Lemon Gloria said...

Yes, just look at him and smile! Pretend you don't fine him completely hot! Really, you're just being friendly. You're a friendly person smiling nicely and friendlily. Then he can smile back and you can chat and it will seem all normal even if in your brain you are going (OMGOMGOMGheissohot!)

At least, that's what I would try to do.

Kelly Hogaboom said...

Ha, I swear no one knows if I find them hot or not because I am super-awesome at being inscrutable.

And your (male) friend telling you how to act to get men? Um, take the advice if you want to but yet another guy telling ladies how to "court" or present themselves, gag gag stabby stabby.

You are a winning and lovely presence and good things will come to you.

Cello Mama said...

Wow, I don't remember the last time I really blushed in that kind of circumstance. I either liked a guy enough to turn it on or I totally didn't care what he thought of me. Not much for middle ground.

There's something really wonderful about your blushing, Kate - an innocence of heart. Cherish it.

Jen said...

I'm a blusher too and I have always sucked at flirting. It dawns on me quite late that the other party is interested in me and I saw what's on my mind or what is true, and not what I'm supposed to say to demonstrate interest, even if I am interested. Sigh. I guess we still have a lot to learn.

Shelley said...

I am embarrassed for you - and blushing as well! I could never do the dating thing again...barely got through it the first time when I was young and stupid.

Ask your friends to ask him if he likes you (circle YES or NO) (see, I am still stupid). Wonder what's up with the divorce? Maybe you could just practice on him?