A Whole Lotta Mishmash
8:55 AM Edit This 15 Comments »
So this morning, as I'm sitting in the garden having Kate and The Universe time, I notice that I can't quite concentrate on my meditation reading for the day. So I stop and look around and try to refocus. Um, no. Why I can't? There's a helicopter overhead, a train blowing it's whistle as it blows through town and a jackhammer is demolishing the street in front of our house. Nice quiet morning, no? I smirked to myself and just listened for awhile. It made me laugh. The Universe is out to get me.
And I tell you what! The squirrels in town? FORMING GANGS. I am SERIOUS. And it must be Hell Week. I'm driving down the street this morning and a squirrel jumps from a super high branch - like 20 feet in the air and falls to the ground and scampers off. Then a block later, another one does it. What? It's raining squirrels! And as I round the corner, a passel of the little varmints starts running into the street. There had to have been five or six of them, heading right for my wheels! And I can't run over a squirrel! I just can't! And someones following me super close, so I can't slam on the breaks, so I did my best quick maneuvers, this way and that and I didn't hit a single one. They were kamikaze squirrels. I swear! They didn't leave the curb until they saw me coming. There are going to be some bad ass squirrel gangs this summer. Do they have opposable thumbs? Do they? Because that means they could operate guns.
Blogger doesn't know what opposable means. Idiots.
And I tell you what! The squirrels in town? FORMING GANGS. I am SERIOUS. And it must be Hell Week. I'm driving down the street this morning and a squirrel jumps from a super high branch - like 20 feet in the air and falls to the ground and scampers off. Then a block later, another one does it. What? It's raining squirrels! And as I round the corner, a passel of the little varmints starts running into the street. There had to have been five or six of them, heading right for my wheels! And I can't run over a squirrel! I just can't! And someones following me super close, so I can't slam on the breaks, so I did my best quick maneuvers, this way and that and I didn't hit a single one. They were kamikaze squirrels. I swear! They didn't leave the curb until they saw me coming. There are going to be some bad ass squirrel gangs this summer. Do they have opposable thumbs? Do they? Because that means they could operate guns.
Blogger doesn't know what opposable means. Idiots.
15 comments:
Did you hear the Mission: Impossible theme song playing as you were driving along?
Squirrels are smart..watch them get to the food in a bird feeder once..
I am totally distracted by small and large sounds. Thank god I can close my office door or I'd never be able to focus on anything.
Squirrel Gangs. HA HA HA.
They are little shits.
It definitely sounds like some kind of squirrel gang initiation.
The squirrels in my old neighborhood chewed on wires in the car. They would get under the car and climb up into the car somehow (not actually INSIDE the car, but, under the hood stuff). I had to have something fixed the squirrels chewed through and cost me $85!
My entire childhood, I watched my father fight off squirrels in strange and interesting ways.
David Sedaris has nothing on me.
Hey Kate, a comment you left on StorytellERDoc's blog piqued my curiousity, so here I am at your blog.
I was laughing when I read your squirrel experience, because even though I haven't encounted squirrel gangs, I am quite certain the little rascals are suicidal. I have had some near misses with them too! Leslie
Squirrels are dumb. I can't even begin to tell you how many dead squirrels I had to fish out of my stock tanks because they fell in and couldn't get back out. Once I even had three corpses in the tank at the same time.
I had to start putting 2x4 in the tank so they had something to climb onto. None since.
I miss squirrels; we don't have them here.
I live on a the corner of a busy highway, so that kind of noise is normal for me. I've gotten used to it, and even incorporate it into my meditation time now.
It's a distraction. They're plotting together so that while you're avoiding the kamikaze death raiders, the others are raiding your garden.
Ha! Thanks for making me laugh today :)
I think you should marshal them and have them do your bidding. Just a suggestion.
Have you been talking to Ron? Because he's held a theory for a long time that squirrels are evil and just biding their time while they plan their apocalyptic attack on humanity.
http://www.warpedmindofron.com/
Squirrels will take over the world some day.
We've got 3 little guys in our backyard and I swear they sometimes wink at each other as they taunt our cats who window-stalk them.
Post a Comment