Ack

8:51 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
I have to admit that my guilty little pleasure involves watching CMT. Yes, I like country music. I started listening to it in North Carolina. There really wasn't much else to listen to. (Like that's an excuse...) In the morning when I'm getting ready, the top 10 is on. Ha!

Tomorrow morning I see my therapist. I didn't do my assignment. I haven't thought about the future, other than admitting that I don't.

The retreat was good. Lots of food (think I gained 10 lbs in three days), played volleyball for the first time since breaking my leg (and didn't break anything new), played cards till the wee hours of the night, and took some naps. Being forced to do nothing is good sometimes. I can't always relax at home - I find things to "have" to do when I could just be resting...

My mom is really torked off ( for God knows what reason) that I'm doing a sleep study. She thinks that I should do more meditation, hypnosis, acupuncture, whatever before I pay out my deductible for it. Well, what she doesn't know is that I've tried all of the above and I still twitch myself to exhaustion every night. I hate taking my sleeping medication. I stopped drinking for a reason - which included wicked hangovers. I feel the same way when I take my medication. I am willing to do pretty much anything to stop taking the dang stuff. She doesn't get it and I have to be okay with that. So - it's the hour of interrogation that bugs me. I should be used to it by now.

When I had a "man" in my life, my mom stayed out of it for the most part. When I'm "alone," she feels free to give every suggestion (read - control.) in the book and insist that I listen to her and do what she says. I try to understand that she is concerned about me- but the insistence that I do what she says - my God, I wish she would go to Alanon and "get it." But she doesn't. Ack. Patience, tolerance and love. That's all I can hope for and DO pray for. I kept my parents out of my life for how long when I was drinking and now I have to deal with the fall out of that. Serious boundaries. Serious.

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