New Life

So, I was at the grocery store this morning, getting the fixings for green bean casserole, along with various and sundry needless things that looked good and I turned my cart down the spice aisle. There were quite a few people shopping - some in sweat pants, some in full out Easterwear, me kinda half way inbetween. And then there was this man. He looked unkempt, possibly a little crazy, long greasy hair, but otherwise dressed appropriately for the weather and kind of standing in the middle of the aisle.

I was somewhat filled with the Easter spirit, looking forward to my meeting and subsequent dinner with friends, smiling at people as I am wont to do, greeting strangers with Happy Easter (don't ask me where that came from, I just felt happy and wanted to share it). So I smiled at the strange man and said Happy Easter like everyone else. I noticed he had an 18 pack of eggs and a 1/2 gallon of milk in his cart. Don't know why I noticed that. The minute I spoke to him, his face lit up and he smiled and nodded a greeting. I went along my way. Thinking in my head of all the things in my cart that I didn't need and was going to spend my not-so-hard-won money on. Seriously, I could do my job with my eyes closed and my hands tied behind my back. But I got all teary-eyed. I know I'm a bleeding heart when it comes to mental illness/homelessness/alcoholism. Mostly because it could have been Jason or me for that matter, or any of the people I have met in recovery.

Here's the part that made me sob on my way to the club. He kind of followed me around - not so much behind me, but waiting for me at the end of the next aisle I was going up. I ran into him four times, and each time I smiled and said "excuse me." It wasn't until the third time that I realized it was my smile and the acknowledgement of his presence that he wanted.

What a little thing that I have held back from people - the acknowledgement of their presence. As I was checking out, I considered whether or not I was supposed to pay for his groceries or give him money. As I was driving away, the tears just started flowing and I couldn't stop them. I had a place to go. A warm place, full of laughter and hugs and coffee, heat and hearts. And after that, I had a home to go to, to fill up my cupboards with the groceries I bought and cook for my friends, and then off to a huge dinner with even more friends and people I had yet to meet.

Now, I don't know that this man didn't have that, but it made me so very aware of what I DO have. God's grace is so good. I don't deserve any of the gifts I have been given. None of us do. I think the gifts become even more precious when we see what we could have been had the grace of God not shone down on us. I've been sort of quiet all day. Quiet in my heart for what I do have and so thankful that even though I have not realized my dreams, I have everything that I need and God knows that is enough for today.

Amen.