Stupid Promises

9:09 AM Edit This 16 Comments »
I went to Tallgrass to work with a newcomer last night and as I was leaving, Tom B., who is probably the only person that has seen me at my very, very worst and still loves me says to me, "Promise me. Promise me you'll keep your pants on tonight. You're worth it. You're a prize worth working for." And I did. Because what Tom says? Goes. He had a large hand in saving my life and I do what he says. Every time. No arguing. His advice has not yet failed me in any area of living.

So when the threat of sex was upon us, Tom's face, his big loving arms that I have cried waterfalls of tears in and laughed in, flashed before my eyes and I said, "I can't. Not tonight."

And then had to go home and lie in bed. Frustrated beyond belief.

Damn promises.


saratogajean said...


LiLu said...

Argh! It will be so much better though...

Kristen said...

Waiting is way better. Once it's done, it's done, but you can drag it out and go to the edge a million times.

It's more fun that way.

That's how Anne Boelyn got Henry you know.

stoogepie said...

What's Tom's prob? Serious. I love him and all, but he's wrong. Sex won't ruin a healthy relationship.

I think maybe Tom meant that you should have sex with your pants on. That would require that "work" he was talking about.

You know, in trust-fund-speak, an anticipation is a premature withdrawal. It's illicit. It doesn't mean much more in regular speech, and who wants premature withdrawals when we're talking about sex? We should eliminate that word from the English language.

Waiting will make the sex better the same way that waiting to eat will make the service at the restaurant better. It won't. In fact, it could make the service seem slower and less attentive because of that dreaded anticipation. Either way, the food will taste the same and will satisfy the same.

Sweets, you are not "a prize worth working for" like some doll that Mr. Internet v. 3.0 wins for throwing a baseball at a target at the county fair. You are not plunder. There is no contest or sweepstakes. Mr. Internet v. 3.0 doesn't do some thing and all of a sudden win you as a trophy or a reward or a gold star.

You're a prize -- as in a treasure worthy of respect and adoration -- with or without your pants on.

That's all I have to say about that. Tell Tom I still love him.

Knot said...

He's right.


rudecactus said...

Double-edged sword, promises.

Matt said...

Waiting is good...

but sex is better. Hopefully he makes it worth your wait.

Malaise Inc said...

Waiting is the right thing to do. Think of it as a test of his sincerity. It allows you to weed out the guys just looking to score.

Whether you sleep with them or not, the insincere ones are going to bail out once they figure out you are looking for something more substantial in the relationship. If, like a lot of women, your emotional commitment deepens with sex then you'll be better off driving off the insincere ones before you make that commitment.

Sure, 3.0 talked about looking for the whole package. I would too if I was trying to get into some girls knickers! ;-)

Megkathleen said...

Oh, I'm with Tom. The sex is going to be so great when you have it - anticipation always does that. Don't listen to Stoogepie.

Dingo said...

I agree with Stoogepie AND with Malaise, Inc. In other words, I got nuttin' for ya. Sorry.

stoogepie said...

I'm feeling a little outnumbered here. Which is usually a good feeling when it is mainly women doing the outnumbering.

When did it become okay to say that, like most women, your emotional perception of reality may be altered by sex? Can't most women just enjoy sex the same way men do? Is your heart connected to your vagina? I took anatomy and, it was a while ago, but I don't remember that one. Actually, I don't remember anything from that class. Which explains a lot.

And anticipation is another way of saying frustration. It's certainly no guarantee that sex will be great or even good. Maybe replace the word “anticipation” with something like “bondage” and you're a lot closer. Yes. A lot closer.

I say, if you're horny, have sex and have fun. If he bails, good riddance and start looking for 4.0. Hopefully, the sex was good for you and you're less horny and your emotional investment tanks that much sooner. That's better than denying yourself something you want only to reach the same result without getting any.

In the end, what a lot of people are telling you is that your vagina is something that needs protection because it is a very special part of every fragile woman's body, very different from a man's penis. Nobody would tell you not to watch TV for a week or not to listen to music for a week because then the anticipation will be so great that TV or music will be like manna from heaven. You will anticipate it alright, but TV will still be Real Housewives of Orange County and Britney Spears will still be on the radio. But your vagina is so very different from your eyes and your ears when it comes to giving you pleasure. Men, on the other hand, suffer from no such disability.

Similarly, nobody would tell you not to touch or kiss Mister Internet v. 3.0 for a week or so because that will build anticipation, and not touching or kissing him will certainly make him lose interest if he isn't in this to enjoy you for more than your body. And, yeah, touching and kissing him will almost certainly heighten your emotional investment if you're like most women, so you should avoid it. Not that touching him would have any effect on him whatsoever beyond the pleasure it gives him. Because he has that penis. In the end, if you don't hold his hand or kiss him for a week, it will be that much better when you do. What's that? Maybe you might enjoy kissing him? Maybe even as much as he enjoys kissing you? Why, there's that crazy talk again! Next you'll say that maybe you might enjoy sex! Hahahaha! Wouldn't that be mad?

Whatev. Hopefully, you don't buy into the circular logic that sex should be forbidden because it might actually make you like the dude more and because it will rob you of your expectations of what sex might be like. Do what you think is right under the circumstances. If you have sex and get burned, blame it on my bad advice. But please have some fun in the meantime and live in the twenty-first century if you dare.

Kate said...

I'm so confused.

MsDarkstar said...

I get what everyone is saying about waiting will make it more special. And then I consider what Stoogepie is saying and think that he's on to something.

I'll have to say that my first instinct was to tell you "next time wear a skirt"... *smile

But then, the advice of a thrice-divorced chick is likely flawed, at best.

Malaise Inc said...

Stoogepie, I don't know WTF you are going on about, but it does seem like a good schtick for trying to score with a womens libber.

Kate, I don't think there is any reason to be confused. If you are just looking to have a little fun and blow off some steam, by all means drop trou and have some hot, sweaty fun. But, if you are looking for a serious relationship and don't want to waste time and emotion on someone who is not looking for the same thing, then go ahead and wait a while. Waiting won't necesarily make it any better or more special, but it will make it more likely that 3.0 is going stick around when the relationship encounters a difficult phase. Like all lasting relationships do.

My wife of 16 years and I dated for over two months before we, umm, consummated.

BrianAlt said...

I recommend the Hitachi Magic Wand.

Yes, seriously.

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