All Will Be Utopia

7:11 AM Edit This 21 Comments »
I'm obsessed with disaster preparedness. Just a little known fact about me that's probably going to become known fairly quickly. My "favorites" are littered with links to places like the WHO, CDC and of course my baby, the South Dakota Public Health Bulletin. I also follow the Madrid Fault - the crack in the earth near St. Louis that has the ability to cause an earthquake of epic proportions in the Midwest. (It's been quietly knitting itself back together lately. Hrmph.) I know about global warming and the desalination of the oceans and the North Atlantic Current. I know the possibility of large meteors hitting the earth and causing mayhem throughout the world. In fact, I know way to much for my own good. And it's not born out of fear, it's bred out of the fascination of human response to said disasters.

So this swine flu? Yeah. I've been reading about it for a long, long time. And after Green Canary's post about shoving lysol wipes up her nose, I knew I had to out myself. At my meeting last night, people started talking about past flu outbreaks and pretty soon I was spouting statistics about the Spanish Flu of 1918 and a previous outbreak of the Swine Flu in the 40s I believe it was. Um. The fact that I know this shit? Terribly alarming. Well, not really. We've previously established that I'm pretty weird.

However, this fascination has led me to become certified with the Red Cross in disaster counseling. I was not allowed to go to New York after 9/11 because I had a family member there and I probably couldn't be objective. Good call. I couldn't go to New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina because I was still on crutches. Apparently if you go to a disaster area, you have to be non-needy. Really? Ha! I'm also certified with the police department to repond to rape and trauma victims, which if I'm honest with myself? Has been one of the better things I've ever done with my life.

But here's the thing about my personal disaster preparedness. I'm NOT prepared. I don't have a stockpile of my crazy pills. I don't have water. I don't have food. I just have a plan for who I'm going to go live with. (See? Still all about me and what I can get out of people. Ha!) It's changed over the years. Of course, when I thought my parents were all that and completely prepared to face life's challenges, I chose them. Then it switched to my first love - Dave. His sister lives on a self sufficient ranch in remote Montana. The plan was to get there and all would be utopia. Lately, I've switched again to hanging out with my co-worker. She and her family are salt of the earth farmers. They know how to grow things and kill stuff, skin it and cook it.

Believe me, I do not trust that Gay Boyfriend has what it takes to survive a disaster. And believe me again, when I read about the possibilities of quarantine, I know for a FACT that should the two of us be locked in together for more than a day, someone will die. And it will not be of the swine flu. So I have a new plan. What's YOUR plan? I want to know. It feeds my fascination.

21 comments:

Dingo said...

Mr. Dingo and I are fully prepared. Well, I should say Dingo Girl and Not a Dingo are fully prepared. We have an emergency plan in place for them, how to get them out, food, vet records, emergency contacts for them, etc. Mr. Dingo and I, however, are screwed. I'm pretty sure I'll grab my laptop but if something happens to wireless or the internet, I don't want to live anyway.

saratogajean said...

Seriously, I am anti-prepared. I never believe that anything bad will actually happen to me.

I'm waiting for the price of pork to fall due to paranoia so I can stock up on pork loin and chops.

justjp said...

This is exactly why I am having a pig roast this weekend. I will single handedly put an end to this non-sense.

Summer said...

These things run through my head at night. Probably why I have insomnia. My family all live within a few miles of one another, but they get on my nerves after about 24 hours straight. If I had a garden then we'd just wait out the disaster at my house.

Kristen said...

Um. Here's my crazy...

I'm terrified of bird flu after I saw the guy from the CDC on Oprah saying how totally horrendous it would be if/when it happens, so my pantry is stocked with enough food for us for about three weeks. I have water too. Gallons of it, but not enough to make me feel comfortable. I acutally look for sales on canned stuff at the grocery store and try to have a balance of protein and carbs and fruit and vegetables in cans because we need to have a balanced diet, right? I also have a back up of every single product that we use. Toothpaste, shampoo, lotions, soap, whatever it is, I have two of them.

I don't like for people to see inside my pantry because it's where the crazy lives.

buffalodick said...

My neighbor was stock piling bottled water for Y2K- where everything was supposed to stop working... He asked me if I was stocking up on water(this is Michigan, mind you!) I said "No. I stocked up on bullets. If it gets that bad, I gonna take your water". The media blows everything out of proportion. I refuse to live motivated by fear and greed.

t2ed said...

I know how dumb the peeps are at disaster preparation. In Michigan, people hoarded perishable food. Good work, boys.

I'm just going to pretend to be a flesh eating zombie when armageddon comes.

Lemmonex said...

I have no plan. Seriously. I think me and my friend C will probably wander around til we find each other, drink ourselves in to a stupor and then hold hands as we die. No joke.

BrianAlt said...

Did you hear? Mexico is closed.

Link:
Mexico shuts down economy as flu pandemic imminentor

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090430/ts_nm/us_flu_146

Sweetly Single said...

My plan.... hide in a cave in the wilds of Manitoba....no not really

We have an emergency kit in our storage room...it is the direct result of being flooded out more then once

And I wouldn't mind being isolated...LOL .... I get to sleep a lot and play games with Squirt ... what could be better then that?

You are more then welcome to crash in my place if you need to!

carrster said...

I went through major disaster preparedness training courses in LA - I was on the Safety Committee for my company and had to learn things like how do set up triage, how to construct a makeshift morgue (empty swimming pools are great! built in drainage) and other fascinating things including but not limited to how to operate a stair cliimber for getting folks in wheelchairs down from a skyscraper, fire extinguisher training (fun!), CERT perparedness, etc. It was horrific and fascinating all at once. I am a control freak and do not trust that anyone else will have their shit together enough to take care of ME so I better just be able to do it all.

But - since moving we no longer have a water or food stockpile in the basement, we have no established garden, we don't know how to kill & 'clean' things. Sure a short drive to the BWCAW gets us out of "harm's way" but for how long?

We would go live with my aunt & uncle in Longville. They grow, kill, fix, forge, knit, build any-and everything! they are awesome (seriously they have an iron forge...)

*Akilah Sakai* said...

Certified with the police and Red Cross? That's really great, Kate!

I don't even have one of those emergency radios that work off batteries of there is no power. I suck!

f.B said...

Plan? What plan? Why wasn't I told I needed a plan?

I guess I'm SOL. Thank god I like disaster movies, because real disasters are just like that right? So my plan is to wait for Will Smith to save us all.

Shania said...

Well, I had no plan until I read this. Now I think I'm going with the Lysol up the nose. And I just filled the pool so I'm good for water. If it gets really bad, we can eat the dogs.

CatKrny said...

All I have to do is make sure that I have enough gas to run home to my parents. Nice, isolated farm with shelves of canned goods (grown by my parents) and an independent well.

MilesPerHour said...

My plan is to handle it like I did Y2K - do nothing until there is a need.

Jeff D'Antonio said...

Well, I went through all kinds of disaster preparedness courses as part of my VFD and SAR team training, but you know what? When it comes down to it you need to know how to take care of yourself, because if and when the shit hits the fan, you'll be on your own. As a VFD and SAR volunteer, I take my public safety responsibilities very seriously; but if ever I need to choose between protecting my family and protecting the public at large, my family will always come first. And that goes for all of us, so don't expect anyone to be there to save your butt when armageddon hits, 'cause we'll all be busy protecting our own. I know that sounds incredibly selfish, but it's the truth. In a minor disaster, as long as I know my family is safe, I'll be there for you. I would give my life to save yours if necessary. But in an all-out "every man for himself" kind of disaster? Nope. Sorry.

As for me, my plan is to head out into the woods with nothing but my family and my Swiss Army knife (and maybe a roll of toilet paper), build a shelter out of tree branches, and live off the land until it blows over. But that's me. I'll improvise a plan B when the time comes.

Jeff

Sparkling Red said...

It's tough to find room for disaster preparedness in a little condo, but my husband has figured out how to do it. We have food, water filters, a butane stove, sleeping bags, a wind-up radio, you name it. He's on the survivalist website at least weekly.

melissalion said...

My plan is to use the humor potential of Swine Flu to its fullest.

stoogepie said...

When this flu pandemic first hit the news, my escape plan was to head to Mexico. It still is.

I was down in Mexico not too long ago and there seemed to be a poverty pandemic. I think maybe if we take care of that, we might see fewer deaths.

You plainly know that we have a flu pandemic about once every decade or so and it only kills a few more people than a regular flu season. So, I wouldn't worry if I were you. Reports of the impending apocalypse have been greatly exaggerated.

rudecactus said...

I'm objectively not worried about the swine flu thing. That said, I'm a little freaked and feel like I should be hording food and meds. I kinda hope this is one of those "not as bad as everyone thought" kinda things.