Okay, Maybe I Changed My Mind

10:55 PM Edit This 5 Comments »
I'm so grateful I'm sober and in recovery today. So very grateful. I can't even find words to express it. And I have such incredible and amazing people in my life. I spent the afternoon and evening with some of my favorites. People who I can laugh with and play with; people who don't judge me for who I am. Who like me JUST the way I am and BECAUSE of who I am. People I'm not afraid to say anything to. Or feel anything with. Because these are the people who watched me sit in the corner at meetings and sob; I was so lost and alone. People who came to that corner and held my hand and told me I could have a different life. They've walked me out of my shell and into this wonderful existence that I enjoy today. I may not like all the feelings I have to feel without my alcoholic anesthetic, but it's worth every painful moment to experience the kind of joy I get to share with them today.

(This is what greeted us right after dinner)
The sinkhole in my heart was repaired by four hours of ultimate frisbee out at Tallgrass with the pond as a hazard. I ended up in there more than once - soaking wet and laughing so hard I was crying. Then onto the beanbag championships. My new nickname is Knockers. I may or may not have been wearing an inappropriate bra for such damp athletic activities. I'm a complete mud covered mess and I love it. None of these people care what I look like. They just like my heart. What kind of gift is THAT?

Hot dogs on the grill, a walk through the trees, cuddling up under a blanket with Symphony Date to watch the fireworks? I can't imagine a better way to have spent my holiday. With a bunch of freak pyromaniac sober alcoholics. Who know what it's like to be real.


Anonymous said...

Sometimes it's the people who saw who you WERE who can best appreciate who you ARE. Because they know you.

I'm glad you had a better day.

G said...

It seems you have faced incredible challenges and survived to move on with hope and laughter. Jeff's comment suggests, I think, that those closest during your struggles have witnessed your strength. Jeff is a wise man.

buffalodick said...

I was reading this with a focused mind, when I came across the part about your new nickname... I am sure I speak for all the fine, upstanding(after that comment, I'm sure most of us are!) men that comment on your blog... Don't do that, if you really want us to remember what went on that day!
Sounds like you had a great 4th, kiddo... Keep up the good work!

Dingo said...

What a great way to spend the 4th! I'm going to assume the beanbag championship is not where you received the nickname Knockers.

f.B said...

So, so glad you had a great day. And that gift you mentioned -- the one where people only care about your heart -- is pretty much the best gift ever.