Today was another rough one. Too many emotions, not enough patience to walk through them. Fighting a massive shut down. The thing is, I've been here before and I'm taking all the right actions to keep me upright. And I have every faith that I will get through this current siege. Not unscathed, but through it with a minimum of scars.
And it was taking the right action to plan the first backyard bonfire of the season. I figured come Friday, I would just want to crawl in a hole and die. And I did. I know myself too well, right? So, I sent out a massive text and a facebook invite and committed to burning wood on Friday night. It was spitting rain all day off and on. I considered sending another massive text about cancelling, but I didn't. I stayed the course that I set. And well? I did it. I followed through on my plans. And even though I was not the best hostess in the world, it was nice to know that I was surrounded by people who love me and care about me, and I, them.Chakra Queen is my saving grace right now. She doesn't like to talk on the phone. And the last time I called her, she found herself driving to my house at what seemed like the middle of the night to check on me. As I was sobbing, I saw the lights of her SUV and said, "Are you here?" And she said, "Of course I am." And her mere presence gives me peace. The sobbing subsided and just a little bit of serenity found its way into my heart.
Internet? This recovery crap is hard shit. Walking through emotions, bad behaviors. Everything. I know I'm doing the right things. That's ALL I know. And that's all I need to know right now, I guess. The pain will take it's course.