It's Thursday, But I'm Telling You About Tuesday

8:43 AM Edit This 20 Comments »
It's snowing! I fricking LOVE IT! I know, most people don't like the snow. They don't like shoveling or scraping or slip sliding around, but this is one of the reasons I moved back to the midwest. I missed the snow. And I don't ever have to shovel. Because I rent. I will never shovel again. I refuse. It makes the snow happy. So all of you that want to complain about the snow - please comment elsewhere. I love it.

Therapy Tuesday was awful. AWFUL, AWFUL, AWFUL. It was followed by a two hour sobfest out at Tallgrass, trying to get my head around why the hell I still would miss Jason so very much that I go insane three years after he's dead. Croaked. Kicked the bucket. Whatever. Apparently, I'm right on track with the whole grief thing, but let me tell you, it makes me look and feel horrible. The puffy eyes. The headache. The snot. It's a good thing my friends love me so much, because my appearance alone was enough to scare little children.

So now I have an assignment. I have to go to his gravestone and talk to him. Again. Does this melodrama never end? And at this point, I'd just like to say, "Fuck you. You ruined my life. And now I have to pick up the pieces and you're not here to help, you bastard." And apparently, that's a healthy thing to want to say. Who would a thunk it?

20 comments:

BrianAlt said...

Very healthy.

I love snow too. Especially if I can stay home. Which I usually can't do.

Summer said...

Getting it off your chest is always healthy.

I hate snow and puffy eyes.

Kristen said...

I love the snow too. You can use it to put on your puffy eyes to reduce the swelling.

Don't look at me like I'm crazy.

It works!

Not that I've ever tried it.

Sweetly Single said...

Sweetie... he needs to know... and you need to let it go. I know it's hard to curse the one who is gone... but he knows you need to do this to heal.

Hugs...it gets better

Dingo said...

While you're there maybe you can pee in the snow and leave a nice yellow spot to show him you really mean it!

carrster said...

Yup - he totally needs to know and you need to say it to him. And we'll all be here with our virtual hugs afterwards. Promise.

justjp said...

That sounds hardcore! Hang in there

JoLee said...

Emotions are brutal. May after you let him have it, you can make a snow angel and leave it for him.

Sparkling Red said...

Thank god for therapy. Sometimes it seems like it's making things worse, but where would we be without it?

Lemmonex said...

I love the snow desperately.

Cry it out, baby. I need that tonight.

LiLu said...

I really wish you lived here, love.

Enjoy the snow, and don't be afraid to scream/cry/go insane. You gotta let it out somehow.

buffalodick said...

I do hate snow, more every year. I always thought our culture's death and burial rites were stupid and uncomfortable. Those people are gone from this Earth. They are in a better place, as no one comes back! The carcass left behind is nothing to talk to or visit... the memories they leave behind is what we should ponder, and hopefully apreciate... Just my take on it, right or wrong...

SoMi's Nilsa said...

First, I love the snow, too. Yay.

Second, even if Jason was here, would he really be in any shape to help you pick up the pieces? Honey, you're a strong woman - you can do this!

Jen said...

I'm with Nilsa, you are a strong woman, a survivor. It's hard, hell yes, but what else is there to do than move forward? Hugs.

f.B said...

I. love. the. snow.

But you're allowed to hurt, even if it's out loud at someone who isn't here.

E said...

I love snow. I moved to Vermont for God's sakes captivated by snow on orange leaves in October. But we have a couple feet again and I am sick of it.
Like you are sick of Jason. Sometimes things and people hang around too long. Tell him you need to be happy and he's just gotta go be dead by himself for a while.
Then rent Truly Madly Deeply. You will cry a lot so take Motrin before you start watching the movie. But I am betting it might be a sweet cathartic thing for you too.
And you know...two steps back equal fourteen more forward.
Hang in there

MsDarkstar said...

I really think "E" has put it eloquently... "Sometimes things and people hang around too long. Tell him you need to be happy and he's just gotta go be dead by himself for a while."

Pick up your pieces and craft them into something that reflects the beautiful, strong, happy woman you are!

Daisee579 said...

Here's my virtual hug for ya!

Like Nilsa said, even if he were here, he might not be able to help you. My ex ripped out my heart and a piece of my soul that I'll never get back. I've moved on, but the hole is still there. He's alive, but was in no way willing to help me move on or patch up my heart. My hub even said recently I'm still way too bitter about that situation (it's been like 11 years now). You were going to have to do this all by yourself, even if he were here. And you know from the Serenity Prayer that you CAN do this. All. by. yourself. And as Obama says "yes, you can!"

rudecactus said...

I could seriously use some road-closing snow right about now. We havent' gotten hardly ANY this year. And I'm bummed.

E said...

Sure...ellenstimson@gmail.com