New Life

Last night, I had dinner with Dancing Queen before Salsa lessons. She's a total salt of the earth kind of gal and I am quite fond of her. We come from very dichotomous backgrounds, but that doesn't seem to matter for us. I've got some life experience and way too much stupid education behind me. She's got some plain old common sense that she could probably stand to clock me over the head with on any given day. When we visit, we've discovered that despite these differences, there's more and more common ground that we tread on in tandem.

I was rehashing my trials on match.com from last winter for her and we were having a good laugh over it. (Remember that good readers? Holy. What a disaster. The Wild Monkey Sex with Mr. Internet vs. 1.0 was about the only good thing that came out of that. And can you believe he called me last week and I quote, "Wanna have sex?" What?! Good Lord. And Malaise? If you still read, I want you to know that I laugh whenever I think of the phrase "drop trou.") I mean seriously. I do not put my profile out there to get emails saying, "Send me a picture of your boobs before we meet." Um. Nowayinfuckinghellyoucreeptasticweirdo. And then Dancing Queen and I started talking about how to meet decent men. And I said, "I'm pretty sure we're not going to meet the men of our dreams by taking dance lessons in a gay bar with heterosexual (and sometimes we're not sure) guys who are not interested in us." And she said, "Oh fine. Burst my bubble, why don't you." And then we laughed. I mean, it's the truth. Right? And you can laugh about it or cry. It really is a choice. You know I've done the match.com thing. In fact, I still have a profile up there that I never took down, which I revisit every once in awhile. Recently, I've asked a very good blog friend to write a new profile for me just to see what happens, but really? If someone's been on there for more than six months? You probably don't want them anyway. (Notice that I'm in that same category. Hahaha!) So where do you go and what do you do? I sure as hell don't know. I figure I just keep living my life the way that I want to and Prince Charming will either show up or he won't.

I'm more okay with being alone today than I have ever been, I think. Sure, I still struggle late at night. I think I've always struggled late at night. Who doesn't? Everything seems darker then - inside and outside of my soul. I'm seriously lonely. I admit that. And this girl likes to cuddle. But - and I have said this before - I don't think two people will ever be enough for one another until they are perfectly content being alone. Otherwise, you're just using each other to fill a hole that only God can fill. At least in my world, that's who fills it. And you can fill that hole with all kinds of things, but nothing ever truly fits. No man will ever complete me. I'm complete as I am. But he sure as hell better enhance my life. And pedantic sex partners need not apply. This girl likes a throw down every once in awhile. And I know some of you do, too. Secret keepers. Hrmph.